I’ve a bunch of anger issues. You can read all about it here.
Many have been the hours I spend wishing that I can get back at my wrongdoers.
But I never get to do that in person.
In fact, I mostly end up feeling bad. I’d feel bad for coming up with such thoughts. I’d feel guilty for wanting these people to suffer. It especially gets worse when I think back of the times that they’re probably good people.
Take for example, my ex-girlfriend. When the fallout happen, she was this person I no longer recognized.
I was angry for a long time. I still get a little mad today thinking about the time, money and energy wasted on her.
Then sometimes, I’d think of the good times we had together. I’d start to feel bad and think like, “Oh you know what? She wasn’t that bad. We all made mistakes. How could I be angry at her knowing she’s going through some things too?”
I find it really weird.
Us good people feel bad all the time.
We get wronged.
We’re innocent, yet hurt.
We seem to be on the receiving end of things all the time.
We get dealt a shorthand in life.
Sometimes, our problems are not even our own. It’s others.
One would think that we should be given a break or at least some form of justice and peace…
… but we feel bad anyway.
But then it hit me.
We feel bad because we’ve humility.
And that’s a good thing.
Yes. Feeling bad and a little guilty from time to time, despite having no reason to at all is a good thing.
I don’t want to come across as too philosophical or anything, so look at it this way:
It takes a certain kind to really follow through with your feelings and act out everything you think needs to be done just to satisfy your ego.
This certain kind of people consists of:
- The kind who publicly posts their bullshit on Facebook, quarrel with others to tag with them and generally make a big fuss of things on social media.
- The kind who gets drunk at a bar, decides that since his or her inhibitions are released and starts a fight.
- The kind who ends up in prison.
Just a few examples.
If you lack humility, then you lack empathy.
If you lack empathy, then you don’t know when to stop to think.
You don’t think for yourself and end up putting yourself in danger and further emotional pain.
You don’t think for others and end up hurting them, putting yourself into further guilt.
I don’t believe that anyone, who is attacking others, unintentionally or not does not feel bad deep down, for every attack is a cry for help.
That’s how insecurities are created and causes even more insecurities. That’s how a void is created. This is how bullies function.
A message to good people out there who feel bad and confused deep down:
I know it sucks. I know it hurts.
I know it’s confusing to feel bad and guilty all the time.
But you’re doing fine man.
You’re not getting yourself into trouble, and that’s a really good thing.
Maybe things seem unfair.
Maybe life seems to be giving you shit non-stop.
But it’s okay. You’re doing fine. Having humility is a real gift.
In this case, the grass is will never be greener on the other side.
To end off, here’s a little quote I read from somewhere:
If you feel you lack the courage to cross the line, then you definitely lack the courage to come back. And by then, it’d be too late.
So stay strong.
You being you is good enough.