What I tell people when they experience death of a loved one

IMG_0005via Instagram @aldentans

Last week, my aunt succumbed to her long battle with cancer. 

It was a very sad event in the entire family. What got to me most was seeing my mom and other relatives cry in front of me.

I remember my cousin, my late aunt’s son saying the real challenge would be what comes after.

It reminded me of the time I attended one of my good friends’ brother’s wake who died in a freak accident.

My friend asked me then, “How did you do it? How did you move on with life after your dad’s passing?”

And for the first time ever, I’ll write down what I answered:

“You’ll know what to do.

Yes, it’s going to hurt like hell. It’s going to be really painful for a while, but you’ll know what to do.

When my dad died, I was very scared for a lot of things. I specifically remember feeling very concerned for my mom who, for the first time in a long while had to start sleeping in her room alone.

But night came, and day came. It went just like that.

It felt painful. It also felt weird. But I went with it.

And that’s just life. It didn’t stop at all. Time didn’t stop. You just keep moving on.

As long as you keep making little, sensible decisions everyday, you’ll know what to do.

If you aren’t self-destructive enough to take drugs and do other stupid shit to wreck your life, you’ll know what to do.

So relax. You got this shit. You’ll know what to do.”

That was my answer.

It was one of the hardest lessons in my life, but it made me strong and who I am today. It contributed largely for me to continuously evolve into a better version of myself.

And for that, I’m grateful.

Everybody has their own shit to deal with in life, and everybody does it in a different way.

But we’re always so scared. That’s normal I guess, but sometimes, you can honestly afford to chill and relax a bit.

Because you really got this.

Just stop trying to predict the future. No one can get ever get it right.

Have a little faith in yourself that things will actually turn out right, cause it actually can.

Pain is just pain. It always passes.

Hope this little post helps today.

Go for 100 Days of no-bullshit happiness here if you want to stop being so afraid of life.

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  1. Jennifer - October 7, 2015 5:42 pm

    My mother passed away last month, and the only thing I’ve been able to do to move on is to…well…keep moving forward. I’m slowly figuring it out, but there’s definitely not a roadmap or checklist or workflow for what I’m experiencing (especially as I’m an only child). I just have to keep moving forward.

    Thank you for this post.

  2. ishaque kashandola - October 12, 2015 12:13 pm

    Well strengthened idea, Alden! But how can one improve his IQ after a series of confusion in life that would have deteriorated his concentration? Please help for this may occur to me.


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