I think being in a relationship today has become a complicated mess.
People have stopped being honest with their partners and also to themselves. Cultures have evolved with the current generations and a lot of bullshit, like how infidelity has become somewhat acceptable.
Guys, girls, young adults and and older people alike are constantly becoming unhappy in their relationships as they keep listening to others to meet outsiders’ expectations. Heck, people even start off wrongly as they look for love in all the wrong places.
As such? You become unhappy in your relationship.
You’re asking, “How can I trust him?”, “Why am I with this bitch?” or you’re already crying over the fact that he or she dumped you.
Relationships can be tricky, but they are not that hard
Yeah it is tricky. It can’t be helped.
We’re all after all, floating balls of emotions. Because of the way we feel, our head takes a back seat. We make dumb ass decisions we never expected to make and end up doing stupid shit that hurt ourselves, and others.
But yet, they aren’t that hard. Why? Because relationships, romance or love even are based on simple, fundamental principles that are pretty much no-brainers. They’re what makes you happy in life.
So the real trick is to balance out the emotions and the principles so you can be happy; so you don’t fuck up.
Here’s your ultimate guide.
1) Realize that ignorance is part of trust
Apparently today, trust means knowing your partner doesn’t pull some bullshit behind your back.
And apparently to most, trust is repression. It’s forcing the unknown into a darker place so you can feel better about yourself. Thus, the real problem comes when you let this ignorance eat you upside, like as if you think you’re losing out because you aren’t in the know completely.
But here’s the thing: Ignorance IS part of trust.
Like it or not, you can’t be with your partner 24/7. If you are, you’re a stalker and you need to get a life.
If you feel the constant need to always check up on your partner, then you need to tone it down and get your insecurities in check. There’s simply no way out of this.
So embrace the ignorance. Embrace the uncertainty. When you aren’t with him or her, just focus on your own shit and be happy.
A friend of mine puts it perfectly. My own girlfriend isn’t even in the same country as me. I only get to see her once a month.
I admit I was a little insecure at the start, and my friend said, “So what? It doesn’t matter if she’s here or there. Even if she’s here, she can have a lunch time quickie at work without you knowing.”
Boom. Which brings me to…
2) You cannot stop the slut in a girl. Neither can you stop the douchebag in a guy
That means to say, if they want to cheat on you, they will cheat on you eventually.
This may sound very scary, but you need to give in to this fate because you cannot change people; you cannot control people and you certainly cannot mold somebody into a version you like.
I’m using infidelity to exemplify my point here. Way too many are fearful that things run out of control or don’t turn out the way they want. They try extremely hard to make sure their partner is something they aren’t.
Do you see how too much time is wasted on changing each other when it should be about spending time together, create proper memories and ultimately be happy that way?
Stop trying to change the other person. A happy relationship is the alignment of perfect personalities and values to form happiness, “perfect” being it leads to the best result for you.
If the alignment is off, and you become unhappy, then just say bye bye, fuck off and move on. Now, you are not supposed to dwell on this here. You need to go forth again and create more memories with another someone who is ready to align with you.
3) Be selfish and watch out for yourself
This is going to contradict most conventional relationship advice, but then again, most relationship advice out there sucks to the core.
You need to be selfish, meaning to say you are allowed to watch out for yourself and still take care of your own needs, all the while being fully honest with yourself.
Now watch this:
When you watch out for yourself and start taking care of yourself in a relationship, you become happier and with happiness, you’re able to spread that happiness to your partner.
If you don’t watch out for yourself and think that it’s all about your partner only, under the guise of “sacrifice” or “selflessness”, you become repressed. It is inevitable that you’ll be unhappy and it will show in your mood, face, vibes, energies or whatever. It will rub off on your partner and that’s when you two get into arguments and misunderstandings.
But note, it’s all about being honest with yourself. Take care of yourself because you’re honest. Sacrifice and give in to him or her because you’re honest. Take out honesty in the equation and that’s how the seeds of unhappiness get laid.
I can’t say anything further. Only you know best because only you are the most honest person to you.
If however, you read this point with disgust, you’ve missed the entire point and I know you’ve been dishonest with the person in the mirror. I’m very sure.
So be honest and take care of yourself. When you start with yourself; believe in yourself, you can then start on others.
4) Get your own space
As with the idea of trust, you can’t be with your partner 24/7. You are not a stalker and neither are you a baby.
Straight up. If you guys aren’t married yet, please don’t live together. You’re going to drive each other nuts.
Even the most successful marriages out there consist of couples who take time apart and know when and how to build their own world.
Not having your own space is how repression of emotions start as you don’t get to do the things you love. And if you can’t do what you want from time to time, you can forget about being happy. If you can’t be happy, you can forget about others being happy around you.
5) Use the brain to override the heart at times
I get it. You’re in love. You’re all like, “I love you!” all the time. Things seem like all unicorn and rainbows. And when foreseeable problems arise, you’re like, “We’ll worry about it later.”
Basically, you act like how you feel because it seems like the right thing to do.
Nah. Know this. The heart will never know what is right or wrong. It’s just following what it feels.
The brain knows what is right and that is what you need to be happy in a relationship.
A common example would be to calm the fuck down when things get heated up. Don’t say shit when you’re angry. Don’t bring up what you feel when you want to be right. It gets messy that way.
This is why you need to think from time to time. This is why you need to shove aside romanticized ideas of romance.
You were born with a brain to make smart decisions, so use it, even if you’re in love.
6) Stop listening to others
Because your heart knows best. You know best. You know it.
Sometime along the way, in between trying to take in advice or seeking comfort from your friends, you need to make the hard decisions yourself.
The minute you make a half-hearted decision based on external factors, it’s wrong. You can argue that I don’t know you or your specific situation, but it’s wrong.
It is after all, your relationship. All your emotions are at stake and it’s vital to stick by your own standards, beliefs and values. No one else gets a say.
Take note though, making your own decisions can be hard. It’s even going to be scary. But that’s when you know you’re on the right track.
7) Don’t fuck up
This is probably the most obvious point, but it has to be said.
Way too many couples are unhappy because it’s their own fault. I’ve had friends telling me about how unhappy they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend as they go on and on about what he or she had done. Then later on I’d find out how my friend had screwed up major in the first place.
Look, if you want to be happy in a relationship, then stop fucking up. No excuses.
Saying you were drunk, you forgot something, you woke up late, I’m a girl therefore please treat me like a princess or I’m a guy I get to show my anger, or I suspected something so I hacked her Facebook account are just nothing but dumb excuses to justify your bullshit.
Relationships may require a lot of effort and sometimes, it requires a LOT of effort to battle through the hard times, but that’s only a given.
The rest is up to you, but by that I mean the rest is up to you to use your damn brain and common sense. Making the choice to be sensible; to be nice; to be positive is not hard.
So do you then see making the tough but good choices in a relationship are not hard?
At this point, if you’re thinking, “But it’s so hard! It hurts! It’s scary!”.
Then, don’t get a relationship. Just be alone. Bye.
image credit: imgur
Some resources I recommend: