When it comes to love, most people attach standards to it, that means to say it depends on both the acts of what each lovebird is doing and also how they feel towards each other.
Feelings aside, these standards are all too common.
Love somehow comes or precedes marriage, living together, how much time they spend together or how much shit they’ve gone through.
Nobody can ever guess feelings.
As people like to say, “When you feel it, you’d know” or, “When you meet the one, you’d know he/she is the one.”
Sure, but that just’s too easy.
I’ve gone through my fair share of breakups and also felt the pain in having to be hurt by someone and also hurting someone. Again, I may come across somewhat cynical in this post, but here is what I think true love really means. I am pretty sure all of you, be it single, lonely, broken up, heartbroken or just wanting to fuck around can relate.
I’ll be talking in the context of a guy, because I’m a guy obviously.
Love is nothing but the highest amount of heightened emotions you can feel for someone at that point of time
If you got into your first relationship when you were a 16 year old kid with zits all over your face and experienced cuddling for the first time with the female body, I’m willing to bet you felt something new in your life.
You probably spent a lot of time with her too. Out of nowhere, there’s this girl who actually cares about you, so much so she thinks your hobbies are cool and texts you to say she misses you.
That’d be a new experience. It’s awesome for sure.
Then you say you love her.
It’s ridiculous to say that this “love” you feel at this point of time is comparable to the love you can feel in the future after you’ve grown up, mature and gone through even more romance with more ladies.
And so forth.
Is that true love then?
Henceforth, to reiterate, the “love” you feel in any point of time is probably nothing more than the highest amount of heightened emotions you can feel for somebody at that point of time.
And no, it’s not just about growing older, which brings me to my next point.
Love comes with needing your thoughts
That means to say, you need to be wise and use your head. This point may be a bit paradoxical, but I believe all of us would use our heads. It’s only common sense. If you’re not even using common sense, then you’re an idiot who deserves what’s coming to you.
So, the thoughts and the usage of your head essentially mean watching out for yourself. It means you don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again.
Maybe you were cheated on by several girls you impulsively got into relationships with at the club. Obviously, you’d put two and two together and stop getting together with girls from the club, or at the very least, take it slower.
This is maturity. This is growing up. This is being wise.
And from evolving your character and yourself, you’d know better. With that new knowledge and experience in you, you’d have that new level of heightened emotions and a sense of pride.
That is how you know you’re way happier than you were before in your previous relationships.
We’re only human and we need to think for yourselves, so use that brain of yours.
Love is everywhere
In my entrepreneurial journey as a blogger and writer, I’ve come to learn how money is everywhere. That is how I indulge in abundance.
Love too, is everywhere.
This is why I don’t believe in the concept of “the one”, where two people are meant to be with each other only. For that matter, I also do not believe in love at first sight.
“The One” can be anywhere. You just have to look.
Come on. 7.125 billion people in this fucking world and your “one” happens to live in the same country as you? And she is of the same race?
I do not think this is a big topic or even philosophical. Love is everywhere. You. Just. Have. To. Look.
So, if you’d just chill out, take your time, open up, get out of comfort zone and start meeting people from around the world, you’d realize you don’t even need to look.
Because love will find you then.
Alas, love is still a feeling
That is why we wonder why we feel a certain way for somebody.
“We don’t have shit in common! Why do I still think of her so much?!”
“He’s so not my type. But he makes me happy!”
These are the common objections towards our feelings. See how powerful it is?
Love, as a feeling trumps your fucking logic.
Try as you might, you can’t deny how you feel.
Should you, or should you not go with it and simply follow your heart?
Many would answer yes to that, that we should just go with the flow, wing it, or let life take its course or whatever.
I disagree. Now, my last point:
Love is goal
No, I don’t mean that love is a goal you simply put out there just so you can achieve it, for whatever reasons.
I mean love is something that should align with everything based on how you feel and think. Love needs to go hand in hand with your other goals in life, be it in your passion, art or career.
This also means love is circumstantial. Time, distance and people around you are all factors.
Look, you can create and set a goal in your life anytime you want. That also means you can, to put it bluntly, block out love in your life if you want to. That is how powerful you are. You’ve a fucking choice.
Met a really cool girl but you want to focus on your career first? Screw it then. She is not “the one” because she is not the only one. For whatever feelings you have, you can get over it. Time heals all.
Felt like you met “the one” and she somehow got away? Whatever man. 7.125 billion fucking people.
This is why at the end of the day, even if you feel overwhelmed by the feelings of “love” (re: heightened emotions), your head needs to come into play. You will think. You will be thinking of your past, future and other shit you need to handle in your life first.
What love is not: A delusion
This is what happens when you don’t think for yourself on an honest level.
You will be deluded into thinking you’re in love or that the heightened emotions you felt initially allowed you to make good decisions, when in hindsight, it wasn’t the case.
We all make mistakes or sometimes life just throws curve balls at you, but love is goal. If you can’t use your head to allow love to be aligned with the rest of your life, that is when you’ll absolutely fuck up and drag others down.
This is why there are so many unhappy relationships out there or why the divorce rate is so high today.
Of all the supposed definitions of love, this is one you need to steer clear of, for obvious reasons.
Love may be a powerful feeling, but it doesn’t mean it’s the most important feeling
If you allow love to overwhelm and turn yourself into a self-destructive person who makes shitty decisions, then it’s nobody’s fault but your own. Work on your confidence, self-esteem and separation anxiety issues already. Your happiness is your responsibility, not others.
And isn’t love supposed to make you happy? This may sound harsh, but if the love you have in your life doesn’t make you happy, you’re absolutely deluded. It is not called sacrifice. It is delusion.
Love MAY be tough from time to time, but your personal development is up to you.
So is finding the meaning of love really a complicated idea?
I don’t think so.
It’s just part of life. You do what you have to do. Feel all you want, but remember to use your head too. You’re not a frigging romance comedy. You don’t have to be that dramatic.
Do what you have to do already.