The complete guide to getting a life

I mentioned this before once on my blog.

I was quite a nerd, geek, loser or whatever you call it back when I was about 14.

I concentrated a lot on my studies because I did terribly in a milestone exam in my first school. I didn’t want to let my parents down again.

During my free time, I played video games. I played the shit out of my Playstation. I owned a ton of games cause bootlegged games were cheap as hell.

That’s all.

For almost a whole year I did not even go out with my friends. I only watched movies with my family. I stayed home on weekends.

I read fantasy novels of the Dragonlance series. I even idolized one of the characters inside. It was a magic-user named Raistlin and I admired how he could live a fruitful life of studying magic in a cool world.

At one point even, I became “that guy”, the one nobody liked. I knew that cause my friends were acting weird and giving me ugly stares in school.

I literally had no social life and my extremely bad sense of fashion reflected that.

Confidence level was low.

What’s in a life?

The “Get a life” line is quite a cliché, aiming towards people with… well no life at all.

Yes, as you can see, I lived the stereotype once, the “nerd” who plays videogames, didn’t go out with friends and of course, had no girlfriend.

It was through lifestyle experiments, backed up with a heart to change for the better that I turned myself around.

The immediate results were getting out of the house more, socializing with people and even getting a girlfriend.

So what’s in a life?

Is it just about transforming from a basement dwelling nerd who relies on his mom (that I did) to the popular jock in school who high fives the whole world?

Not really.

Socializing, heading out, meeting new people and getting a girlfriend are all good, but getting a life entails way more than that.

We’re talking end goals of attaining confidence, self-esteem and most importantly, balance.

Check it:

The definition of getting a life- 

To achieve a sense of balance in one’s own life so that he or she is completely comfortable with who that person in the mirror is.

Again, balance, balance, balance.

For a life you can be proud of.

That being said… typical “tools” like money, nice clothes, new handbags, number of Facebook friends, number of followers on Twitter and Instagram or number of times you go out, don’t matter so much.

But keep in mind, change is require if you want to get a life.

Here’s the complete guide to getting a life

1) Fact you should know: “Life” is what YOU make of it

You be the judge of that.

What you like to do and what you want in life is up to you.

Videogames or beach parties? Your choice.

No one else should dictate your truth.

So amidst your journey of change and getting a life, remember to recognize deep down how you feel. There’s no point feeling shitty all the time while supposedly having a life based on others’ expectations. Dump ideas you don’t care for and stop listening to what others think of you.

2) Take action with lifestyle experiments

Because “take action” alone is one of the most overrated shit ever.

Real change comes from experimentation.

With experimentation comes getting out of your comfort zone and feeling that fear. Then you do it anyway.

Never eaten a meal alone before? Do it.

Never asked a girl out before? Do it.

Feeling left out since you’re new to the group? Hang in there.

Feel the fear, get uncomfortable and do something different.

You got to try it. If you’re the one who feels you need a change, then you ought to be stepping it up.

3) Get off social media

Seriously, please do.

Internet and social media make things too easy and convenient for us. You may not know it, but your mind is rotting as it is from too much of it.

This video explains it all.

Stop reading. Watch it first. Seriously.

There’re better ways to connect with others, namely, physically and emotionally.

Just open up a little. You don’t have to transform into a hippie. There’s just a life waiting for you out there.

4) Get out of the house

Indoor person, outdoor person, introvert or extrovert, whatever.

Everybody needs to get out of the house. Don’t be cooped up in a single room all day. It ain’t good.

Your eyes and body alone will be given a treat when you do so. Even a simple 10-minute walk can help.

This is called giving yourself the space for your mind. And it’s absolutely needed.

I don’t believe anyone loves stay in 100% all the time. Even if they claim they do, they’re lying and realizing the unhealthy side effects.

5) Take frequent breaks and make sure they’re bloody good ones

Yes, everybody needs a break. No excuses, even for yourself.

That’s how you recharge, relieve stress and actually feel… life. Yeah, feel life, literally.

Work hard all you like, but you aren’t meant to go at it non-stop. You need to relax.

But the break has to be an awesome one. It has to be meaningful.

Social media, random Facebook surfing or YouTube videos you don’t care for don’t count. They’re worthless. They’re the black holes that make you feel like you’re in space, one which adds no meaning whatsoever to your life.

6) Meet people

Because you’re human. And we all exist together. No excuses again. You’re bound to have to work with others one way or another.

7) Balance it out

See how for whatever I’ve said, it’s never going into extremes? That’s why you won’t find stupid ideas like, “You should go to every party” or “Delete your WoW account”.

Achieve total balance in the middle. Too much of something ain’t good for ya.

8) Live it up

Not sure if you should do it? Just do it anyway. Better to regret trying than not at all.

Back in high school I pushed myself to get out of the house more, ignoring my video games and allowing my studies to slip a little.

They didn’t feel that great at first, but I grew up.

That means to say, you’re growing too.

Pretty soon you’re gonna look back and realize that it wasn’t so bad after all, even the shitty, uncomfortable moments. They’re going to be all awesome memories.

9) Travel

That’s how you expose yourself to different cultures and its people.

Warning: Your mind will be blown here.

The period I met my girlfriend in Bangkok was when I was pretty much alone in a foreign land, and I was just blown away with the kindness I received.

The places I been to over there exposed me to a new way of life that got me thinking of how important the things I do actually are and how I, as a single person can actually match up to others and their own ideas.

10) Go full circle

Back to point 1.

It’s always what you and only you make of it.

But your own circle can always be expanded.

Never underestimate that.

Your life will always be blown from time to time.

Best live it up and know that you always did everything you could within your power to create a life you can be proud of.

That’s how you grab hold of life and get a life.

So grab it by the fucking balls before it’s too late.

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  1. Lydia D. - May 9, 2013 11:37 am

    I can’t afford to travel…MY life basically has me in a leash that doesn’t permit me much further than work and home. Like a chained dog whose only freedom is to run to the end of their chain & bark :.( What help can I have that can help me change RIGHT NOW?? I’m tired of living through the week like a cliffhanger until Friday (payday), then only to see what little I’m left with after expenses, and the cliffhanger starts again on Sunday (sometimes saTURDay….sometimes even that same Friday!) I haven’t been on social networks since….its been so long, I forgot. Facebook has been 2 years at least. I haven’t tweeted in months, just went MIA there. I had various reasons for quitting, but the main one was: too many fake friends….which was the very thing I was putting up with in the “real” world, online is really more of the same, just on a much higher scale and magnitude lol. On MY salary, the only “going out” I can really do is the library. Following your advice would just make my “cliffhanger” that much more unbearable. Though sometimes I DO just get fed up & say “f*ck it” & do it anyway, but man do I pay for it later! I’m as exhausted as I am confused on what to do to stop this sick cycle. In fact, I’m at work now as I write this lol.Help!

    • Alden - May 10, 2013 7:33 am

      You really just need to fuck it and get over it man.

      Start with try. Start small. No use thinking about it.

      It’s all on you man, I can’t help you any further. Just do it yo.

    • Veronica - May 10, 2013 6:14 pm

      Lydia D.: Your comment started with “I can’t afford” and I’ve been there. This is how I’m on my way to getting out- I went to my local community college and applied. After a few semesters I got rewarded for my good grades with enough financial aid to travel abroad in Central America. School isn’t easy and I’m still hanging on by my toenails most days, trying to make ends meet, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I get to do some fun stuff in the meantime. My suggestion is drop the “I can’t” cuz miracles do come in cans, but they don’t come in can’ts.

  2. Tiffany - May 9, 2013 2:24 pm

    Alden – another great post, with great tips. Definitely been implementing the same in my life.
    Lydia, I’m so sorry to hijack on your comment, but Alden does say “no excuses”, including money! I’m not sure where you live, but maybe you can take a walk to the park? If you have any pets, of course they would love it to. You could make this a daily thing (though I know it’s hard with work and all) but again, if you really want it, I think you’ll find that you can make the time, and there’s a ton of stuff you can try out for free. Shit, have your friend meet up with you for a hike somewhere you both have never been… take a camera maybe? Now you get to hang with a friend for an hour, plus some exercise, AND possibly come out with some great photos to share. 🙂 Just a thought. <3

    • Lydia D. - May 10, 2013 12:07 am

      That’s some nerve, acting like you know me & my problems lol. “Just a thought” you say. Hah. Just because you have a thought doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be publically aired, just like when you’ve got a fart lol.

      Btw, I had to sell my camera (among a lot of other stuff) in an effort to make the rent after I got laid off last November…it wasn’t enough and I lost my home & had to live in my car for a while. It’s funny…when you’re out of a place to live, you don’t really look at camping the same way again. I lost most all of my “friends” as a result too…it’s also funny how friends act when something like this happens to a person. I get out so rarely these days, and I’ve felt so restricted by these limitations (and still smarting at their desertion and not knowing who to trust anymore) that I haven’t made much of an effort to make more, part of that is my fault I will admit.

      Going to a park…what a BRILLIANT GENIUS IDEA that will magically shift my entire life!!! OMG…THANK YOU!!! Maybe YOU should be the guru instead of Alden Tan! What would I have done without your sage insight…in visiting an industrialized square of grass dotted with poos and inhabited by homeless people (reminding myself of where I am right now, how encouraging!!), and a sandbox that smells of pee? How could I have found this magical life-changing vision quest without you? A million thanks :.

      • alden - May 10, 2013 7:38 am

        You need to chill out, stop being so pissed and just open up a little.

      • Veronica - May 10, 2013 6:29 pm

        Wow Lydia D.! I scrolled down and realized that you are in deeper doo-doo than I realized! This is great though because it sounds like you are pissed off enough to permeate a real breakthrough. You are right. This life you are living is NOT RIGHT and life shouldn’t be this way. But other people have been in a super-shit life and managed to get through it. That’s the whole point of what Alden is trying to say in his blogs.

        I’ve lived in my car. I’ve had to sneak into fast food places to steal ketchup & crackers from the condiment bar for my only meal that day. I’ve also camped out in my van for a whole year pregnant cuz my husbands hours got cut and we got evicted on Christmas eve, and THEN after our baby was born my husband got run over by a truck and died. However, life for me continued.

        This summer I’m going back to Central America to live in a tiny remote village that doesn’t have electricity, to help improve educational opportunities for the children that live there. A few years ago I was much like you, pissed off and feeling stuck. Now that I know what it is like to REALLY rough it, and survive, I can go back to help others who don’t know where their next meal is coming from.

        I’ve got faith that you can get better, too, Lydia. Don’t give up!

      • Veronica - May 10, 2013 6:33 pm

        PS- going to a park and just sitting there for 5-10 minutes under a tree without your cell phone can be an amazingly stress-reducing experience, don’t knock it, that’s for real

      • Anonymous - July 16, 2014 6:30 am

        You really need an attitude adjustment! I know cuz well I do too. Look up Bob Proctor’s powerful principles ‘ATTITUDE”! You wont see things the same afterwards! You may want to fast forward thru the song in the beginning, its too much. Hope things get better for you! Take care 🙂

  3. Steve - May 9, 2013 5:00 pm

    Alden, great post. I love your powerful, straight-forward style. So many things you say here are so true. I have been implementing some of these over the last 3 or for 4 years and the results are powerful. I’m an introvert (not extreme or anything), so this really hits home. Yet, I still have further to go, so I needed to hear these things again. In particular, meet more people, make no excuses, and get out of the comfort zone. For me, running changed my life. I even ran a marathon a year ago. The confidence and passion from that carried over into other things. I recently incorporated a business too and really just feel alive. I read a great quote somewhere that people overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can do in a year. It is so cool to look back and see the progress in a year or two year window. Life is what you make of it and it took me a long time to figure that out.

    • alden - May 10, 2013 7:36 am

      Introverts are awesome. That’s just simply knowing you grow best alone. I’m an introvert.

      Good luck with it. Just go with it and don’t give up. You’re on the right path.


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