Since Valentine’s Day is coming, I’m going to write up a bunch of post to leverage on that shit. Yep. I’ll be talking about love, dating and relationships, but not in the conventional sense. That’s way too easy. Be prepared for some balling posts on stepping it up for love. And that love may not necessarily be for others.
I can’t remember how many times my friends have come to me asking for advice and stuff with regard to their relationships, or wooing someone.
Guy is upset over some picture she posts on Facebook or Instagram. Guy is then even more upset when someone he doesn’t like likes or shares the picture.
Girl is worried and feeling lonely, but is not exactly clear on that as she tends to be more passive aggressive than anything. And she wonders why she’s always dating assholes.
They complain and ask why is it they have to go through this shit in life, but they also back it up by telling me that how they feel cannot be helped. You know, they’ve every right to feel like shit because they recently broke up. They also feel that they should be understood because of the pain and therefore all actions they carry out should be justified, actions like crying, cursing at the ex or even doing shit in public that can potentially get you in trouble with the law.
I’m no dating expert or PUA (Pickup Artist), but I know a thing or two about getting into and moving on from relationships.
The fallacy of relationship conventions (as learnt from my failed, dramatic relationships)
Five years ago I was in an extremely toxic relationship with a negative person. I once found pictures of her and her ex in her laptop, kissing. I slapped her face after she said she refused to delete them at first. That was wrong of me. She also tried to kill herself before we broke up by slitting her wrist.
One girlfriend later, I pussed out and broke up with a person who deeply cared for me because I felt I was young and needed to date other girls.
One girlfriend later, I ended up cheating on her because I was drunk. She did the same first because she too, was drunk.
Do you see how easy everything has been? I was 25 by the end of the third one. I pretty much had it up to here and decided that I didn’t want to keep feeling like shit.
Yeah. Relationships are too easy. Conventions, and pretty much what others tell you denote that you should feel a certain way, before or after acting a certain way simply because.
You know it. You’ve probably done it yourself: Feel sad for ages because you just broke up. Get anxious or even crazy when you feel you can’t trust him or her. Avoid the ex completely because you are not ready. Go on rebound.
And for dudes… act all ape shit, ballistic angry and start shouting, fighting and breaking stuff. Basically fucking shit up all over.
Oh I’ve been there. After that time I got cheated on I called one of my best friends and said, “Dude, I really need someone to drink with me tonight”. We drank a copious amount of beer. After that, I insisted that I needed to break all the bottles. I smashed all of them at the car park.
Can you now get a visual of how relationships are easy?
I get it. It can be tough, what with anger and sadness in the mix and all. But do you not see that on some level we’re only acting a certain way because of… feelings? And it gets worse, especially when we think this is expected. God forbid you start taking it out on others and start justifying your reckless bullshit. Your character deteriorates.
So, what about we thread that fine line of feeling our feelings and start doing some thing different for once?
Making it tough for yourself for a better life. Guaranteed
Okay. Everything is all well and good. Hopefully you got an idea of what I’m trying to talk about. Let’s set in reality. As emotional creatures (we all are), it can be tough to try or even want to have a better life, especially with all the heartache and shit.
1) Comfort zone must be eradicated
There’s a lot of lessons out there by various people on why and how you should get out of your comfort zone. I agree, so let’s leave it as that. All I’m going to say is that you need to stop feeling comfortable. Comfort is overrated. Comfort is not where true happiness is. Comfort makes you stagnant. Comfort is boring.
In a way, do you see how “comfortable” it is to be sad, angry or even crazy just because of relationships, failed or not?
2) Force the possibility of a different life in your head
I like to think this is a better and more realistic way of telling you to practice positive thinking, which is honestly trite bullshit.
Amidst your wild ass crazy thoughts that are flitting in and out of your head, try to think up some new possibilities of a better life, with or without your current or ex. I know, this is especially hard if you’re already feeling like shit. But it works. This shit works. Positive thinking DOES WORK.
It took me a bunch of relationships and growing up to be 28 now to realize life is too short to keep feeling shitty. Do yourself the favour and shorten that time.
What possibilities are there to think about? There’re plenty. You know it. Your heart knows. Your heart always knows. You even know clichés like, “There’re other fish in the sea” are true. No excuses. It doesn’t make sense to feel like shit at, say, at home, just because of a single thought of someone else.
3) Force the possibility of a better life by seeing it for yourself
I once read about a depressed person’s account of how he managed to get out of the house after so long. He said it may not sound like a big deal to most, but it was to him. He forced himself to see new possibilities. Can you?
I personally wanted to always speed up getting over my exes because I didn’t like feeling like shit (See how I told myself I didn’t like feeling like shit? That effectively replaced, “It’s understood I get to feel like shit.”). Then I’d keep partying. I would drink three to four times a week and talk to every girl I could. I even messaged random girls on Facebook.
People would think I was an asshole or a douchebag, but I didn’t give a fuck. I eased my heartache and grew from the experience my way, and that was most important. I saw everything for myself and knew that I could lead a better life without my exes. What others thought, didn’t matter. Besides, my conscience was clear as I told every girl I met about my situation early on.
So yeah, even if you feel aren’t ready to get out there, just get out there. You’re never ready as long as you think about it. Instead of doing things you think you should or what others think you should, go do something for yourself.
That’s taking action on a whole new, awesome level.
4) Doing the magnanimous thing
This is a controversial point. To me at least. I’d admit I’m not that big of a person. I don’t bother being friends with my exes and there’s absolutely no way I’ll reconcile with any guy friend who screws me over for a girl.
It is too hard for me even though I know it is the “right” thing to do.
I’m speaking from a normal, decent guy’s point of view who also wants to be happy: I guess you can grow that much and be happier if you take the magnanimous route. You know, forgive your ex, forgive your betrayer, be civil, let it go, don’t get back at him or her etc.
Not all of us can be that big in life. But there’s simply no way anything bad can come from this.
If anything, you definitely wouldn’t get into any kind of trouble this way.
Perhaps this is a little anti-climatic, but I do think studying and reading up on relationships is one of the best life hacks out there.
I can say for sure I am the man I am today because of reading up on books on picking up girls (The Game etc). It’s not what you think. There’s a goldmine of information when it comes to working on a man’s self-confidence.
I think diving in to a relationship is too easy, especially when things just flow on its own. Saying shit like, “Let fate decide”, “Let nature take its course” or even, “Let God decide” is all too common… and easy.
WELL, since you didn’t bother to do your “due diligence”, can you really blame anyone about the way you feel when you break up or get tied into some complicated shit?
Sure sure, dating and relationship is about romance, emotions and shit. But as with life, there’s always that fine line. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with gaining more knowledge and insights. Who knows, you may have been living a lie. I felt I was living a lie because my good intentions made me look like a little boy with zero EQ in front of the girls.
So get your ass to studying.
Relationships sure are some tricky shit, easy or not. But I think the difficulty is always up to you.
Emotions inevitably make us think and feel a certain way, but the power of choice is always within us. All things being equal, or not, that power alone can make crazy big changes for you. You just got to make that shift.
Speaking of studying….
How about you ignore the easy route for a little bit and gain some insights in the realm of relationships and romance? I’m going to recommend a few choice courses which are really popular. I’ve looked through a couple of them myself and I must say the information is good stuff.
I’m thinking you’re thinking that reading up on love and relationships online is stupid or that online dating is “lame”. It’s not. Like I said, gaining knowledge is always a good thing. Do yourself a favour and step it up now to get what you want in life: Courting girls, capturing that man’s heart, scoring with a ton of women. Whatever. Make a difference for yourself now. Check it out:
For the ladies-
If you just broke up-
For the guys-