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Straight guy confession: Why I prefer to hang out with gay people sometimes

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I was having a conversation with a gay friend of mine sometime back. What I said surprised him.

I told him that I was very okay with a gay guy hitting on me. I told him about the time I followed some friends to a gay bar and there was this older, gay dude hitting on me. He was literally feeling me up. Not all over. No vital parts, but definitely considered too close for comfort to most.

And I was cool with that.

Then I said that I would however, be extremely weirded out if a straight dude did the same to me for whatever reason. Maybe he lost a bet, was drunk or that he thought it was a dismissable act of bromance.

This shocked my friend. He said most straight guys wouldn’t feel the same and that I had a high tolerance for gay people.

I understand. Conventionally, if a person is homophobic, he is homophobic. Being somebody who lacks empathy aside, he simply cannot tolerate the idea of another male getting too close to him, especially if it’s physical.

But this is how I see it:

If a gay person fancies me, hits on me and even gets physically close, I take it as flattery. I take it as you think I’m good looking, I’m hot and that I’ve an awesome personality that appeals to both guys and girls.

And any kind of attention of flattery. Straight or gay.

Even if somebody you hate gives you attention by annoying you, it’s still flattery as he sees the need to take out his insecurities on you. That means to say, he looks up to you. Whoever denies this truth is simply lying to himself.

Also, if a gay guy hits on me, I take it as you behaving normal and I respect that.

If however, a straight guy acts gay, or carries out typical gay actions around and, or on me, it is not normal and it’s weird.

I repeat. When your own friends aren’t themselves for whatever reason, it is weird. Nothing more, nothing less.

Even if it’s a joke, the weirdness is highly amplified because it is out of character and what more, if he is homophobic in the first place.

But relax, this isn’t a serious issue, so to speak.

I’m not talking about bromance in the locker room or war veterans who say they love each other. I’m referring more to typical guys who like hang out at bars or clubs and then act re: weird.

And it is these same guys who are always complaining they can’t get a girl; always gossiping and bitching about everything,; are homophobic and to address real issues and then call guys like me the weird one instead.

So why do I prefer to hang out with gay people?

Here we go. I apologize in advance if I go overboard with some stereotypes.

There’s too much testosterone in a room filled with straight dudes

Not in the scientific sense of course.

To put it bluntly, when a group of straight dudes get together, there’s always an excessive need to overcompensate for one’s lack of “manliness.”

This is when straight guys are always talking about girls, referring to them as pussies and thinking that life is all about getting laid, which is super ironic because these guys can’t get girls for shit.

And then they call these girls bitches, sluts or whores because they got rejected.

So as such, with more testosterone in the room, the amount of sensitivity and respect for people diminishes. It can be pretty depressing to be in earshot of hypocritical, selfish conversations where a reasonable point of view and a third-party perspective never see the light of the day.

Gay friends listen

They listen. They listen to what you have to say, especially if you’re in need of help. They’re more sensitive to your plight and are willing to give an objective point of view.

I’m not ever afraid to talk to my gay friends about deep, personal issues I have because I know they won’t judge me. I don’t talk about them to most straight friends because even a curt reply like “Lol” annoys me.

Yes. I’m sensitive too. Straight people can be sensitive. Take note of this.

I don’t give a fuck about cars, football or suits

The supposed benchmark of straight masculinity and ideal topics for conversations among straight guys.

Call me over-analytical, but I don’t see a point in talking about things you can never get.

Why admire how sleek a car is when you aren’t working your ass off to get it? Why talk about football and criticize league players when you’re a fat fuck who can’t even climb to the second floor? Why talk about suits when, oh wait, are we only talking about how cool Harvey is in Suits and you wish to be like him BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO GET LAID JESUS.

Gay people know how to have more fun

Fact.

Go to a gay bar and you’ll know.

So what’s the big deal?

Perhaps this little rant is my way of representing the “third” voice of sorts: Straight guys who are sensitive and are totally cool with being close with gay guys.

But this is not about us. It never was.

It is and will always be about acceptance for the LGBT community.

It is sad that this is a real issue because it stems from serious allegations. And this article is my way of helping as I speak for the straight, silent guys out there who shun away from the topic.

A call for more acceptance of the LGBT community

Why is it still so hard for gay people to come out to their friends and family? Why are parents kicking out their kids for being gay? Why are people still believing gay is a choice? View this violent reaction.

Add in elements of religion, biology and whatever, we get a mess. It’s all because of mere intolerance.

Straight people who can’t accept gay people, it’s time to grow the fuck up.

The content of one’s character isn’t based on one’s sexuality. Whether they like dick or pussy, their personality is still very human. They being born that way is just them being born to live the life they’re meant to.

You won’t label somebody as “different” if they’re left-handed will you?

Gay is not an epidemic

So I like hanging out with gay people. I even go to gay bars to chill sometimes. (Side note: It’s easier to hit on a girl in a gay bar. You macho wannabe losers.)

Does that make me gay? Obviously not, but I can see your little smirk. I can see that shocked look on your face as if I caught some disease.

Thus, the bad idea of gay being an epidemic stretches far and wide to everyone, gay people even.

The unfortunately silent straight guy movement

It comes down to this. I don’t think anyone talks about this openly enough. It has two sides to it.

There’re indeed a ton of straight guys out there who are evolving and yearning towards “gay behavior”, so to speak.

You can call them the new age sensitive guy, metrosexual, sensitive guy, cool guy, a new masculinity or whatever. We’re evolving. Here’s an article on straight men enjoying anal stimulation. I can’t say I have any experience in that, but I love taking a good shit myself.

The only sad part is they’re pretty quiet as it is.

Some of these guys are still a little embarrassed to show that they’re sensitive or like to hang out with gay friends, so much so they over compensate in other areas.

But rest assured, they are around and they’re totally in support of gay people and their lifestyle. In fact, I dare say these guys even yearn for a male friend who can comfort them.

On the flip side, there’re also straight guys who’re silently homophobic. They just don’t want to say it. They may be tolerant, but they cannot accept just yet.

I know of friends, as good people as they are who have blurted out, “I’m actually homophobic.” Ask them why and they’re like, “Erm.. I don’t know. It’s just weird you know?” And that is pretty fucking sad, especially since they’re unknowingly trying so hard to be like gay people in so many ways.

Example? Some of the gay guys I’ve seen, as they’re very fond of their own looks, work out a lot and have solid bodies. The silent and intolerant straight guys want the same so badly. How ironic that they think that they’ve the right to talk shit and criticize.

They may not be jumping gay people to beat them up or kicking them out of their houses, but the fact that this idea is in their head is bad enough.

This is why they come up with weak jokes and actually have to ask questions when I say I like to hang out with gay people.

We’re all not so different

Gay, bi, straight, transgender, vegetarian. Whatever.

We’re all little insecure creatures. That is the key similarity in everyone. We all have our own confessions. It’s time we stop hiding them.

The intolerant ones need thorough education. The silent and sensitive dudes need a little nudge.

Voices for more acceptance of the LGBT is already on the rise. That’s cool. But what would be more cool if well, more straight dudes like me are willing to be more open.

No more weak jokes, no more awkward laughter, no more open-mouth, wide-eyed expressions and no more labels.

Just open confessions. That’s cool.

And it’ll be beautiful.

Fotor0916173823Photos taken from Buzzfeed

 

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20 comments

  1. Randi - September 16, 2014 9:52 pm

    You’re so fucking gay Alden – (gay here means AMAZING)

    Reply
    • alden - September 17, 2014 7:04 am

      Why thank you

      Reply
  2. Chris - September 18, 2014 6:11 am

    Alden, thanx for the great blog post. If more people could just set aside their irrational fears, the world would be a much more tolerable place for so many people.

    Thanx for not only being cute; you are awesome too!

    Reply
    • alden - September 18, 2014 7:15 am

      Thanks Chris.

      Reply
  3. Sebastian Aiden Daniels - September 18, 2014 4:42 pm

    I love it. This is so true and I agree with what you said. I love gay bars. I have so much more fun at them. I know right away when a gay guy is interested in me. I wish girls were that straight forward with who they are attracted to. I have also had a much easier time talking with a woman at gay bars.

    One time I had a girl say to me, “You’re straight aren’t you?”

    I replied, “Yes.”

    She replied, “Want to go have sex with me in my car?”

    I’ve never had that happen before haha.

    I find it interesting when guys are homophobic. They are people just like everyone else. Focus on how the person for how they treat others not on if they like men or women.

    Reply
    • alden - September 19, 2014 6:10 am

      Haha girls in gay bars have their guard down. They assume you’re gay. When you reveal you aren’t, they’re like, “Omg really?” and by then, the conversation has already started and you’re in.

      Yeah that’s pretty sad. That’s like being scared of a guy who’s left-handed or eats MacDonalds… which I think vegans everywhere would condemn.

      Reply
  4. Miranda - September 20, 2014 8:43 pm

    What a great article. Mean that sincerely. Would be great if we could all live where we could express our like of someone without fearing what might come.

    Reply
  5. janis - September 21, 2014 10:27 pm

    What everyone needs to remember physical love never last however real love transcends physical love if you add compassion to love you love ultimately

    Reply
  6. Alexander - September 22, 2014 4:01 pm

    despite your good intentions and your great attitude, i have to strongly disagree here. i think it’s actually alarming how more and more heteosexual guys become like this standard gay guys – bitchy, neurotic or very insecure, over the top vain and interested only in quick fucks. you seem to have good friends who just happen to be gay and have created your own stereotypes then. i hate it how nowadays there seems to be this gebum ae and a traight race around and this race is like that and the two may not mix. this is absurd . first ne all, we are all men and women first. this gay lifestyle thing is also limiting and quite sick, living like a desperate housewive, i guess.

    and yes, i am homosexual myself – and not gay.

    good blogs in English about that are masculinehomo for example. mine is in German.

    Reply
    • alden - September 23, 2014 5:25 am

      I may have implied that “new” kind of male, but I think you’re taking it a little too far. The kind of guys you’re describing, the desperate housewife kind needs a whole other story to be told.

      My conclusion for such guys are that they’re in denial of who they really are, which is whole other issue on its own.

      Reply
      • Alexandre - October 5, 2014 6:16 pm

        Well, the “new” male, whether he is hetero or homo, is a completely different discussion.

        I was just annoyed how you just further repeat old stereotypes that have a long beard, including things like “not interested in cars” – this kind of broad generalizations are really dumb, and I guess you know that – and not too many homosexual men, then, just your friends, which is fine, of course, but this is this “race” thinking I meant. It’s one of those media and putting into a drawer clichees/thinking, things that you otherwise attack really fine.

        Sorry if I sounded offensive, but since I really like your other off-beat, smart stuff I was just really disappointed here, since this article was the complete opposite to me.

        Reply
  7. Pingback: The Confessions Of A Straight Guy | kitodiaries

  8. Alexandre - October 5, 2014 6:21 pm

    PS. The problem becomes really severe, btw., when the people themselves then put themselves into this drawer, thinking “oh, this is how I have to be, then” – something with you otherwise so cleverly attack but articles/opinions like this reinforce, I guess. Sorry if I sound lecturing, but I encounter this so much in real life. (“What, he’s gay??? But he doesn’t look like my gay neighbour/doesn’t act gay/doesn’t listen to gay music/isn’t PC blah blah blah” ;o) )

    But one funny thing happened to me, too, which you described somewhere else, I overheard people talking about me: “Well, I only could imagine he’s homosexual because he spends much time alone” – ha ha ha ;o). (I think about you alone on the beach here.)

    Reply
    • alden - October 12, 2014 5:59 am

      Hey, no problem man.

      Well I believe stereotypes exist for a reason. And I’d gladly address them since no one wants to in writing or whatever medium.

      Haha what? Alone equals gay? That’s… gay.

      Reply
      • Alexandre - October 20, 2014 10:10 pm

        Yes, and the reason is overgeneralization. Even I have met more guys who are into cars *and* into other guys, or who are into other guys *and* as selfish and no fun to talk to as everybody else. I think the problem is also that these stereotypes are reinforced by the neurotic, queeny men who are attention-seekers and populate the media nowadays and are in-your-face about their romantic preference, including lurid behaviour at parades etc, at least in the US and Germany.

        But I have the impression you are rather narrow-minded and uninformed about this topic – like a lot of other people, too, sadly. Maybe if you exchanged “gay people” with “straight people” or “left-handed people” or “right handed people” you could see how one-sided, condescending or patronising your article might seem, including your statement that it is “special” and “excpetional” that there are same-sex attracted people you like and hang out with. (Although I know there are quite some people who might have a problem with that, but again, there are quite some (stereotypical) gay men I also would hate to hang out with.)

        Maybe rephrasing your statement by switching it to “I am right-handed but there are left-handed people I like to hang out with” makes you see its absurdness and how nowadays sexual orientation is so overdrawn when it comes to characterizing a man or woman, also when it comes to how you view and perceive yourself.

        Reply
  9. Sylvia - October 5, 2014 7:46 pm

    Wow! Compelling. In some sorts, you could be the male version of myself. Great article my dear. About to read your book; 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F&?%k About. Thanks.
    Be Brilliant!

    Reply
  10. Sylvia - October 5, 2014 8:08 pm

    OH!? Did I say thank you for sharing? Thank you
    (Ok..confession, I needed to make another comment bcuz I didn’t click the “send me emails” button on my original comment. Also..if this was any other person I would not have admitted to this silly little mistake..lol. I suppose you have a way of making ppl comfortable, you’re quite inviting. Take care.

    Reply
  11. Airma Anderson - May 16, 2015 10:49 pm

    This is a great article. You’re inspirational, Alden. You did your research and you’re 100% right.
    If anyone doesn’t like what Alden said, then you can go fuck yourself!

    Reply
  12. Blake - June 17, 2015 7:31 am

    I feel the exact same thing but I am also a republican from south Texas so hanging out with the gay crowd can be quite tricky. I’m not afraid of anything bad just teasing from my friends if they found out. Gay people just seem to have more fun somehow, I can just sit and watch them have a blast and be thoroughly entertained. Because they have taken so much shit for so long and they are finally starting to be accepted and respected by society they seem to have low to moderate social filter and that can prove to be so much fun watching a straight guy get verbally “bitch slapped” by a drunk gay guy. I now live in Settle and will be moving to south Florida in a few months so time to make some new friends.

    Reply
  13. Tom Lampron - October 25, 2015 6:58 pm

    I think this is cool. I just want to say that i have been lucky (pre trauma) to have many str8 friends like this. I think the Kinsey scale is true and i think that most ppl fall some where in the middle… Not saying that there arent strict identifiers of gay or str8.. there are…

    My unfortunate experience though, is, i went online into chat rooms where the extreme and petty of the gay guys hang out… The ones that have to measure thier waist 3 x a day, hate on complete strangers for comments they make like I hope Hillary wins, response: i hope you choke on fecal matter cause ur a lot lizzard and lick the cum off a bath house floor, admit it.”

    Now i went to college and self pay and i know the value of work, on these sites, you are acused of having STD’s (which most do sadly on that site, hookup sites for the naive is a bad bad thing), and draining off tax payers dollars to buy you new dildos etc…

    Pre HIV from a guy that told me i was a sinner and that my happiness made him upset enough to silently cum in my mouth with no warning, i was the king of acceptance and ethics etc, my friends all came to me when they were having issues and id advice them out and they’d thank me for it etc… I went from that to crying everyday and dying a slow death from HIV.

    I was unlucky that i got hit hard early on when severe degeneration and bone problems and many organ problems… My life is a living misery.

    the 20 percent of guys that anonymously hook up on chat sites are responsible for 80 percent of new infections in the US google it for urself))

    Basically long story shortened i met the school of hard knox gay lifestyle head on and was too naive and weak to deal with it. My gay friends from college are married and pretty happy and i chose the pick from a pool of petri dishes and was 1/3 this guys age…. He told me that he purposely tried to infect me and its because my happiness made him sick.

    These guys online are the most petty, jaded, evil guys i ever encountered. Most of my friends were open minded and to get shown the opposite the way i did took me back and ruined my life… I have much more to add but its too sad and i need to rest, carpatunnel sucks

    Watch out but be accepting, some have very evil intentions and there are entire websites like (iblastinside) that teach men how to defeat condoms and stealth someone with HIV. Online there is te satanic crowd on hook up sites…

    its very scary to see that and to know that ur not like that but there is no going back cause you have them rooted deep in ur body… Its the worst feeling in the world. Im only 24 and college to hopelessness, im so scared.

    Reply

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