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No, I don’t love life

I don’t. Not all the time at least.

I hate it sometimes.

Sometimes life is shitty. I get angry. Sad. Terribly frustrated. Confused. Scared. Worried. Anxious. Lost.

Those don’t make me jump for joy. Those don’t make me want to wake up, take a selfie, put it on Instagram with captions like, “Hey, let’s be positive today people.”

No.

In fact, those people are kind of annoying. I suspect most of them are lying, especially the ones who are in the “self-help” business where they seem to love life EVERYDAY for some unknown reason.

And then they try to get you to buy their expensive bullshit so you can love life like they do.

Besides, I mean, how do you know the day ahead is going to be a good day anyway? Or, are you just telling yourself that to cover up that fear you have?

No, I don’t love life.

I have problems. I bet you do too. Heck, believe it or not, a lot of my problems are not even my problems. Others somehow find a problem for me, with me.

And it’s not even my fault.

No really, it’s not even my fault. It literally never has anything to do with me.

So excuse me if I just, for once, do not want to accept responsibility. Make them do it instead.

No, I don’t love life.

That means to say, I don’t love some people. In fact, I hate them.

Yes. Hate. I used that ugly word.

And I do not wish them a happy life. They can go fuck themselves.

Problem?

No, I don’t love life.

I am unhappy sometimes. I am unhappy many times.

But…

That’s okay.

I may not be as positive as some people claim to be, but that’s okay.

I may not be as cheerful as some people claim to be, but that’s okay.

I may not be as friendly as some people claim to be, but that’s okay.

I may not be as energetic as some people are, but that’s okay.

I may not be as cooperative as some people seem to be, but that’s okay.

I may not be smiling like some people do, but that’s okay.

Because I am human.

And that means I am capable of being many things, in my own way.

I can be interested. I can be curious. I can be talkative. I can be tired enough to enjoy sleeping in. I can be a failure so I can learn. I can be civil. I can be sensible. I can be forgiving. I can be distracted by cool shit.

I can be whatever I want, good or bad, as long it’s from me.

And I believe… I can take my time.

I don’t think I am wrong. Never was.


This wasn’t a rant. Call it a soliloquy of sorts.

Photo taken by my talent friend, Jazpar.

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