I feel like I’ve been going through a bit of a rut lately.
Not so much in my endeavours or creative processes, but in my emotional mastery, particularly anger. For those who have been following this blog, you’d know that I’m a very angry person. For those who know me personally, you’d probably felt it. I’ve talked about it before, or rather, I’ve dabbled in it. I’d admit I’ve trouble with letting go of a lot of things. It’s not a very easy life being such an angry dude.
I suffer from sudden onsets of angry thoughts. Or to put it simply, I tend to get very riled up at random moments, so much so I instantly turn into a bad mood and I’d snap at people (sometimes). The worst “side effect” to this would definitely have to be the crazily negative shit that goes through my head. I’m a different person altogether in my head. You can call me crazy, period. No really, go ahead.
Lately, it has been really bad. I’d literally seethe with rage when I’m outside. Once, I actually had to stop doing what I was doing, which was walking, and just stop. I knew I had to stop; freeze myself. I sat down.
Also, I’m not proud to say this, but I was breaking shit at home. Yeah, I was taking my anger out of certain objects in my room. Side note: It’d be a good idea now to invest in a punching bag.
But of course, I’m always all for improvement. I was talking about this to a couple of friends I made online. The first was a 64-year old professor from Chicago who found one of my articles. We video conferenced just last night and he was there to listen with an objective point of view. He also said I’m a brilliant writer with strong authenticity. The second is my good friend Jason Fonceca of Ryzeonline, a fellow, no-bullshit blogger who does what he loves without a fuck for the world. He told me:
“Dude, just love your anger”
And with that, love it I shall. I’m pretty damn sick of feeling helpless. I’ve a talent to write and I’ve held back for fear of being judged. How ironic that I teach people how to not give a fuck when I suffer from it too. But now I think emotions we feel, good or bad, can always be harnessed into creative energy. Whatever your outlet is, if you fuel it with energy, something good will come out of it. I hope the (more) personal tone in this post would send forth messages you can relate to.
However, I vow not to write in anger, as that would only be bitchy. And only annoying high school kids or gossipers in the office are bitches.
Rants aren’t that cool. Reflection is.
Angry life events
1) I was betrayed, or rather I feel betrayed by a couple of friends. Without going into detail, I considered them close people in my life only to ultimately fall out because they fell short in the friendship game. No effort was seen on their end and their selfishness knew no end.
2) I was challenged to a fight once by a good friend’s friend. That guy was immature and drunk. I was pretty pissed, but I didn’t want to fight in public, though I knew it’d have been an easy job. I told said good friend about it after that and he laughed in my face because he thought it was funny. To this day, no apology has been made. It has been four years.
3) There was a kid at the club I used to work at. We were teasing him over something small. He took it the wrong way and started targeting me by insulting my mother and then belittling my late father. I nearly got into a fight with him, but another colleague pushed us apart. This is by far probably the most angry event to date. Management also did not do a thing in terms of disciplinary action.
4) I had an ex who cheated on me by kissing the ugliest fuck in the universe. She might as well have been kissing dog shit and it’d have tasted better. Note: I got back at her later on. It was dumb of me, but… rather satisfying. But that’s another story.
5) The only time I ever worked in an office was when I was put in charged by an extremely immature and childish supervisor who couldn’t do her job well. I was treated unfairly and had to deal with her bullshit. I don’t think I’m very one-sided when I say this, but the stereotype of female superiors in the workplace is very strong, the stereotype being they can’t take charge of humans as their emotions get in the way.
6) Random injustice and erratic human behaviour in the world. Married folks cheating on their partners. Girls getting punched by guys. Spoilt brats who think everything should go their way. Police who don’t do their jobs. You name it, I’ve seen it or heard it.
7) Oh yeah. My dad died.
The above took me a while to type out. I had to gain some composure here and there. Excuse me while I give myself a pat on the back now and high five my mirror.
I think a lot of you can definitely resonate with the shit I’ve been through. Again, this isn’t so much a rant, but a reflection on the emotion of anger. And it’s reflection, with love. The only way for improvement to actually happen is to go up right? I’ll continue on and show you how anger, like any other emotions comes with its own roots and how society has brought us up in a way that has left us out of touch with our emotions.
So here’s to loving my anger. May this piece of writing; piece of art help you.
The core of your limiting beliefs
So they say that for every kind of emotion you feel, it’s due to the few fundamental beliefs you have deep within. And it’s a limiting one when the belief only serves to hold you back in life. (Note: Everything I say from here henceforth is based on my own opinion and my own knowledge gathered from my own research. Don’t expect extremely accurate facts.)
I have a bunch of limiting beliefs that I think can resonate with a lot of angry dudes out there. First, I have this belief that I *need* to get into a fight with my wrongdoer, otherwise no matter, he, or even she will “win” and get away scot free. To a certain extent, sometimes I even think the belief stretches to the idea that a man is not truly a man until he gets into a fight at least once in his life.
The second limiting belief would be that I think there should be justice in life no matter what. This effectively means I believe no one should be stupid enough to not know that they should always do right thing in life, which includes apologizing if you’re wrong and basically not being a dickhead and hurting others on purpose.
Lastly, the strongest limiting belief I’ve had for a while is that I must live with this anger for the rest of my life. I’ve to deal with the pain whether I like it or not.
As such, it’s important to attack your beliefs at the core. I think trying to sweep things under the rug, by way of meditation, positive thinking, distracting yourself or whatever would only prolong the problem.
How do you deal with things at the core then? I wouldn’t know man. I’m no therapist. But I believe for sure if you put your mind to it and aim to better yourself, the problem can be alleviated.
“Assholes do not apologize”
Something my new, professor friend told me a few nights ago. Wise words if you ask me. “Assholes do not apologize”. And it hit me. I may have unknowingly added a lot of pain to myself in my yearning for justice. Add my aforementioned limiting belief to that, I always felt people wouldn’t be stupid enough to not know how to right a wrong.
But assholes do not apologize. They don’t. I might as well have been cursing at the sky for not being pink, or green. I might as well be pissed that the horses at the zoos didn’t start complimenting me.
I guess with that, you can take “letting go” to a logical level. It’s good to try to extend whatever limiting beliefs you have to actual facts. Could you be fighting an idea that simply does not exist? Have you always been burdened by unrealistic issues? If you are, tie in the logic and just like that, you could ‘snap’ out of it that way.
Unfairness belongs on a spectrum
I think I can speak on behalf of everybody on this planet that a lot of anger and unhappiness stems from the fact that we tend to be treated unfairly from time to time. You didn’t do anything to deserve whatever, while assholes seem to be living it up.
So, unfairness in life is to blame. But I disagree.
Life is not fair. That’s a fact. But I think unfairness belongs on a spectrum and the problem comes only when you keep focusing on one end. You know, the one where all the bad shit happens to you. But what about the other? The other end is where unconditional love, good fortune, human kindness, compassion, faith in humanity and a ton of hearts made out of gold. I don’t think you’d be complaining if you experienced this end more? And no, you can’t escape this. Because life is not fair.
Perhaps then, all of us should just shift to the other end or at the very least, know that it does exist. It will never go away. In other words, you should never let go of hope; hope for a better life and hope that you can absolutely turn into a bigger, and better person.
Recognizing real possibilities
I was telling my professor friend about some asshole I fell out with. He told me two things: 1) It’s his loss and 2) He could have been extremely jealous of my lifestyle, hence acting the way he acted towards me.
It kind of hit me then that there are a multitude of possibilities in what’s going on “behind the scenes” of whatever that’s upsetting you, be it your friend betraying you, your girlfriend being an unreasonable bitch or even a random stranger who’s giving you the ugly glare.
So for my case, assholes around me could be jealous of my lifestyle of being a free-spirited Bboy who does what he loves every day. I honestly used to think this was wishful thinking, but that was only because I was blinded by my own limited beliefs i.e. I wanted nothing more then to beat them up so as to get the instant results of seeing them pay.
The possibilities are very real. The truth is out there indeed. As mentioned, your anger and unhappiness may cloud our judgement, so much so you only choose to believe in one limiting belief only. Ever felt so pissed with somebody, swearing that you’d do a bunch of things to them, only to act all civil and mild when you sort it out peacefully? Then you’re like, “Oh it wasn’t such a big deal. No, come on, I wasn’t THAT mad”. Precisely.
Your abusive boss may hate his job more than you. Your annoying friend may be acting like because he or she is crying for attention. That someone hitting on your girlfriend wants to agitate you because he’s severely abused at home and actually only needs some consoling. Your bully may be gay and secretly in love with you. The list goes on.
You need to step it up, but not in your comfort zone anymore
I don’t think there’s a cure for your emotional problems. It’s simply a process in life where you’re constantly evolving. But the choice is yours if you want to keep feeling like shit or not.
There’re a bunch of solutions out there and people do want to help. But (I wouldn’t even say ‘depending on your problem’), I think each individual needs to step it up outside of their comfort zone. If it’s inside your comfort zone, then it’s too easy. That’s why I don’t think meditating your problems away in the comforts of your own home will help. Neither is going out for a movie with your friends a viable solution. In fact, that’s just a mere distraction, a veil that can be thrown aside any time.
What you need to actually do is feel the fear, gather all the discomfort and then do something you haven’t done before. That’s how you make a real change. Stop trying to escape the darkness… Monsters live in there, sure, but denial doesn’t make you any less of one. That’s what hypocrites do.
I absolutely have to quote James Altucher from his latest book, Choose Yourself (brilliant book by the way), “The only people I know who claim they sleep three hours a day and still have a ton of energy are 100 percent bipolar. No joke.”
Haha! How’s that for real possibilities? Even your “gurus” or “life coaches” are flawed. Drop the inspiration for a bit. This is your journey and it’s as real as it gets. You can do it.
For me, I’m writing my anger out. The following video speaks for itself. What is it you can do to step it up in the name of emotional mastery?
The rapist in question has since resigned and now under investigation by the police.
“Let it go”
What more can I say to you? What can I say except that at the end of the day, it’s about letting go. Both you and I know that. We got to let it go. That’s life. Letting it go is cliché, but it is what it is. It works. I’m ever reluctant to say “things happen for a reason” or anything to that effect. That’s not sympathetic enough.
But try something out for a start through love. No more distractions or excuses. Don’t even search for the cure or the solution. Start the letting go with love for yourself (yes, fuck everything else). Love your anger, your sadness, your depression, your insanity or whatever. Just love.
Life is just too short otherwise, in any other form.
If you’re angry person and have trouble letting go, don’t hesitate to email me. I’m down to chat. If you’ve friends who you think can benefit from this post, please share it on Facebook.