Lessons from having diarrhea this week

1) Don’t fucking eat two-day old Subway from the fridge.

2) You’re not invincible. You still fall sick.

As much as I like to think that I’m invincible because I don’t fall sick often, I’m not invincible. My pride is hurt more than anything.

3) Don’t take health for granted, because feeling sick feels like absolute shit.

4) Don’t fuck around with so-called home remedies.

A friend recommended Sprite with some salt. I downed a whole bottle and proceeded to curl up into fetal position in bed because of all the gas in my stomach. Yeah it probably didn’t work for me.

5) Don’t fucking eat two-day old Subway from the fridge!

6) Diarrhea is a great way to lose weight.

I just hopped on the scale and it checked that I lost 3 kg (that’s about 10 pounds.) Fucking insane!

Wanna lose weight? Try Diarrhea Insanity. Turn your butthole into a garden hose or your money back!

7) Just see a doctor as quick as you can.

Relent, and give in. There’s just no point trying to wait it out. Don’t be stubborn bitch. And again, fuck the home remedies.

8) When you’ve diarrhea, don’t fart.

It usually ends up in a shart. Good thing I was home. I ruined a few pairs of boxers.

9) Shameless plug for you to buy my book.

Right here. 100 Days of No-bullSHIT happiness.

No shit, not in the literal sense. Just happiness without B.S.

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