The honest and real guide to using the Law of Attraction (and other stuff)

If you’ve used or attempted to use the Law of Attraction, you must have been suffering from some problem and you felt like you wanted a quick and instant fix.

And if you were like me, you basically watched The Secret, tried it out, got more confused and frustrated and decided to fuck it cause you weren’t manifesting shit.

It just boggles the mind, especially since there’re diehard fans of the Law of Attraction out there.

They promote the use of affirmations and mantras.

They vibrate with the universe.

They harness energies and manifest all sorts of shit.

Their lives seem to rock because they (so they claimed) managed to perfectly use the Law of Attraction!

Does it really work?

This isn’t a bashing post, like my Let’s Fuck Self-Help up post.

This is a real and personal take on the law and it can actually be used to help you and your life.

Why the Law of Attraction makes me feel all messed up

When I actively tried it, this was how it went inside my head.

“Alright, according to The Secret, I can get anything I want in life. Let me try…”

“I don’t want to be so angry… I don’t want to be angry. I do not want to attract negative people…”

WHOA WHOA hold the fuck up!!!

“You aren’t supposed to use words like, ‘don’t’ and ‘not’! They give off negative vibrations and shit! Shit! I swore!”

“Alright alright, let me change that”.

“I want to only attract positive people in my life. I want feelings of happiness and joy. Okay, now I want a new car. I also want a hot girlfriend and lost of money”.

Strange, it doesn’t seem to be working. I got no new car, girlfriend or monies.

“Ohh when this happens, I got to look deep within, like really deep. I need to find out my true thoughts and real feelings that is currently giving me exactly what I have today. In that sense, the Law of Attraction is already working! Yay! I guess…”.

“But it also teaches that the best form of energy is through gratitude. That’s how I develop good feelings and hence vibrations to the universe. Let me just be thankful of what I have today!”

“Okay, so I’m thankful for my family, food on the table, good friends, no natural disasters screwing up the place here… Yes! The journey is the reward, woo!”

But why… do I still feel like shit?

End scene. Curtains down.

Sounds familiar guys?

Our need for a solution may be more harmful than we think

Which is really ironic.

All too often, we seek knowledge to better ourselves, but knowledge alone is never enough.

Knowledge, when not applied is useless. Same goes to when you aren’t even sure how to use it.

Thus with the Law of Attraction, a supposedly powerful tool in life, there’s much to learn about it… or not.

Maybe you’ve been taking it too literally, or maybe you don’t know how to use it.

I don’t speak for everyone, but here’s a real look on all these new-agey stuff and how you can really use it, as normal, fallible humans.

The honest and real guide to using the Law of Attraction

1) Never, ever deny how you really feel

When it comes to affirmations or expressing gratitude in life for the sake of attracting the good stuff, I find that a lot of people go into a slippery state of denial.

To stop feeling a certain way and wanting to get something better, you start repeating some affirmation to feel better when deep down, you know it hurts.


Jumping right into the affirmations isn’t going to help like that.

So, if it hurts, just admit it!

If you feel pissed off, just admit you’re feeling upset or angry.

If you’re feeling sad and all, go ahead, say it. Go cry a little even.

You may be thankful of a lot of things in life, but you’re still an imperfect person who’s bound to feel less-than-stellar from time to time. So don’t let the idea of gratitude get in the way of that. Yes, by all means, count your lucky stars and be thankful for the good stuff in life. Remember your roots too.

But that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel sad or angry. You’re only human.

There’s really nothing wrong with admitting and knowing that you actually feel a certain way. Shoving it aside and not dealing with it, under the guise of affirmations and gratitude is just going to make you more repressed.

By admitting how you really feel, it’d create a sense of congruency with your heart and mind. This is important. This is how you gain complete clarity of how you are currently.

And with clarity, comes a clearer view of what you want and what you need to do.

THEN you can go ahead and affirm, resolve or whatever on what you really want.

2) Now, start with intention

This is a little something a new friend of mine, whom I met in an online course this year taught me.

She actually sensed the anger in my writing, one of my biggest issues in life.

I told her it’s a real issue I have difficulty with.

She told me, “Start with intention”. Nothing more, nothing less.

Let me explain.

The way I see it, the Law of Attraction tends to be really elaborate in explaining how you can attract what you want in life, like there’s a methodology to manifestation and reading “signs” from god, the universe, or whatever.

Now, details and elaboration are all good, but with a weak foundation of how you really feel (point 1), it’s just going to crumble down and throw you into a state of confusion (“Why isn’t this working?”).

I say, don’t over analyse and don’t over complicated things.

Just start with intention.

And what do we all want? We want to be better.

So just slip that little intention inside, and affirm that, “I want to be better”. That’s all.

Don’t underestimate the power of intention. By simply using the intention of wanting to be better, you don’t risk confusion and conflict in yourself when you try to remember all the rules, concepts and stuff that you read up so much on, which wouldn’t help at all in the first place if you’re intrinsically feeling shitty and not even acknowledging that.

Also, this single intention acts like a period, cutting short strings of negativity in both your mind and heart. This works for anyone, believers and non-believers of the Law of Attraction.

If there was one affirmation you’d ever need, this is it. “I want to be better”.

I ain’t gonna say, “Try it. It works”. That’s up to you.

I just think any normal, imperfect person would want a better life.

If you actually have trouble intending to want a better life for yourself, I strongly suggest you seek professional help. 

3) Take action for experience

I won’t go into the whole argument of how you actually attract something in life.

If you buy a cup of coffee, I say you took it in your own hands to get that cup of coffee.

If you think that coffee was given to you by the universe, hence you attracted it in your life, that’s cool. Whatever floats your boat.

What I want to drive across is that in life, you cannot escape experience.

The Law of Attraction and other stuff all seem to leave you at the point of what you only need to do in your head; with your thoughts.

But remember… this is still life.

Everything in your life, is based upon experience. Everything, your thoughts, your memories, your intentions, whatever you do are created from experience.

And you get those (good) experience by taking action.

However you view attraction in your life, don’t ever forget that you’ve everything in your power to get what you want. You’ve total control.

In other words… you can’t be sitting on your ass all day.

Even if you do, experience will find you while you’re on your couch or bed. How’s that for attraction?

Your inner-self changes your surroundings

It all comes down to this.

You know the whole, “Start with yourself” thing and your surroundings will change?

It works.

Just look at it this way: You are at your best when you’re happiest, most positive and with most clarity.

That’s how you get real shit done. With that, you gain the best experience.

You only only get the best in life, when you’re at your best.

And “best” means zero denial, no repression, absolute clarity and the single intention of getting shit done.

Go get better you.

It’s not that hard really. That’s why I’m ending off here. But I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Law of Attraction. Leave a comment below.


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  1. Paul - April 3, 2013 11:47 am

    You should never give up on trying to achieve your desire, because if you truly desire something, you will always find a way of achieving it.

    If you are going through a period of bad experiences, you should try to remember, feel and experience the good events in your life; because this will change your perspective and feelings of the bad experience, thus enabling you to find a solution or way out of it.

    I believe The Law Of Attraction should be called The Law Of Awareness, because all opportunities/experiences already exist, but we are not aware of them yet.

    • alden - April 3, 2013 12:02 pm

      Law of Awareness, i like that.

  2. Frank T - April 3, 2013 2:36 pm

    I’ve also read where writing down what you want with as much detail and accuracy as possible will help. I’ve seen it described as “putting in an order to the chef” and then, like you would with an order in a restaurant, “expecting” it to happen (that’s the part I have trouble with). Great post, Alden! Very real, very relate-able. Keep it up!

    • alden - April 7, 2013 7:17 pm

      Thanks dude.

    • Gerry - August 12, 2014 5:38 pm

      Frank, you are right. Writing it down really does help! The thing is, many people do not take the time to do it!
      Go ahead, take the time to write it down, write it out; it’s your life!

  3. Muthe - April 5, 2013 12:48 pm

    I agree with your first point. I always think that it’s stupid not to admit what I really feel, and to be honest I really hate the “stay positive” kind of people. Not that I don’t like the positiveness but sometimes we feel negative, sometimes we experience the negativity, and it’s okay as long as it doesn’t take our life.

    And, as one of the local magician in my country said, to make yourself better and happier person is more important than making your surrounding better/happier. Also one artist said, if one is not happy how can one makes another person’s happy?

    • alden - April 7, 2013 7:16 pm

      For real right? Why hold back?

      I think being too positive is not normal. Anything too much is bad.

  4. Shawn - April 11, 2013 2:44 am

    I think the first thing you mention is so true… Don’t deny how you feel. That is where I went wrong for a while when I first heard about LOA. It’s good to be honest with yourself and even get a little pissed off sometimes when things are not working the way you think they should. Thanks for giving an honest look at LOA!

    • alden - April 11, 2013 8:57 am

      No prob dude.

  5. Pingback: Getting real with passion and how to fully utilize it | Alden Tan

  6. Focault - September 18, 2013 7:08 pm

    What does science tell about the Law of Attraction? It tells that LoA doesn’t work. Do you need a proof by scientific evidence? Read this:

    But if you are a hard die believer in LoA, affected by cognitive bias, then please refuse to believe in science. For instance refuse to believe that your personal computer was built by using science knowledge, refuse to believe in Newton gravity law, refuse to believe in scientific evidence in general. Program your brain with positive thinking like a robot. Don’t accept your feelings as they are. Don’t love yourself as you are. Throw your life experience and your own judgment into the trash. Never desire to save your emotions.


    • alden - September 23, 2013 5:13 am

      I’m gonna check those links out.

  7. bellissima - August 5, 2014 1:41 pm

    oh my, this is something realistic! I’ve reading about LOA…all those mentioned were actually true. There was this video about LOA that mentioned about SET POINTS. would you mind telling about it and your reviews about that.The video was beating around the bush and i ended up like ” what is this all about?”

    I would really do appreciate that. Thank you!

  8. Robert Rigsby - April 9, 2015 2:16 am

    Hi Alden. Great post, you are right that too many people try to use the Law of Attraction and other techniques to improve their lives but unless you take some action (get busy) then they are setting themselves up for failure.


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