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I’m getting drunk to write something inspirational. And this is the result.

Fuck yeah I always wanted to try this out.

I’m going to go all Ernest Hemingway, “Write drunk. Edit Sober” WITHOUT the latter.

Enough talk. It’s time to drink.

d0qcf d0qeu

 

 

 

 

First up! My favourite Boddingtons!

That’s like my favourite beer ever. I pity the fool who hasn’t tried it before.

Okay so, I’ll start writing now even though I only started drinking. I think this is gonna be fun. I wanna see what kind of shit I can produce when I’m intoxicated.

I gotta say first though. I’m not that great a drinker, at least compared to my friends I’m not. If I down like maybe 6-7 pints of beer, I’m pretty much gone. I’ve a friend who took 40 shots of Hennessy once in a Hennessy-shots-downing contest. He won. He won a bottle of Hennessy.

I’m gonna try to write whatever that comes to my mind. Hopefully they can be inspirational. Or funny at least.

Let me put on some HOUSE MUSIC first YALL.

I’m done with the Boddingonts already. Boy that was fast. Maybe cause it doesn’t have any gas in it. Maybe I’m a little too excited. Let’s continueeeee.

d0qne

Next up! Tiger beer. Shit that was a bad pour.

I don’t know why people here complain that Tiger beer sucks. It’s just local beer. It’s our staple. If anything, I think Carlsberg sucks the most. People like to say Tiger taste like piss. Well excuse me Mr. Complainy. Why don’t you go drink some pretentious wine instead you dumbass hipster.

Check this! This is for you wine people. In your face you little bitches.

Smells-like-you're-being-an-idiot

Okay. Words of the wise. Drinking lager right after ale kind of actually makes the beer taste weird.

I’m actually trying to get drunk guys. For real. For this post. For you guys. I think I ate too much pizza just now. That could be bad. Hopefully I don’t puke onto my screen.

Okay inspirational. Let me try to type some shit out with the word “universe” inside.

I think… the universe is huge as fuck. There has got to be aliens out there. There’s like what, 8 friggin planets out there? Not counting Pluto? How can there not be aliens? I saw some piece online that there’s evidence of water existing in Mars last time, or some shit. Gnarly man. Not sure what that entails, but I guess aliens drink water too.

SOOOO…. if aliens do exist, doesn’t that kind of go against most religious teachings today???

We have like so many gods for us humans. Do aliens have a god then? I guess that’s why the government is covering up UFOs and shit. They know. They know what would happen if we find out that aliens exist. People will go nuts. The religious zealots will say we’re condemning their god or whatever.

Speaking of religion, I think religion is just a buffet here. You pick what you want. You can even change your mind at anytime and switch your plate.

Confusing? Not really. Not if you just go with common, fucking sense and keep your conscience clear, help one another and stop being an asshole.

Okay. I’m starting to feel a bit of a buzz going on.

Buzz. See? I said buzz. I didn’t say I was getting HIGH. And I’m certainly not going to say I’m tripping balls.

I’ve never done weed before. And I think I don’t intend to ever try. I know a bunch of friends who have tried weed out and they’re like whoaaa “this shit brings you to another world.”

To be honest, I AM curious to know what kind of feeling weed brings. I’ve read stories of people saying they are the most inspired when they’re high on weed. And then they’re able to create their best shit ever, you know, like in whatever art form. Dance, writing, or whatever.

Buttttt I think the stereotype of weed and its smokers (re: potheads) is pretty strong. I’ve heard so many stories of people trying weed out like they’re so… HIGH in life (get it?) and that they wanna do this and that. But… once the high is gone, they’re just unemployed bums who don’t want to contribute back to society.

What do you guys think about weed and its smokers?

SPeaking of smoking, believe it or not, I’ve actually NEVER tried smoking before. Swear to god. Most people I’ve met think I smoke because apparently I’ve a “smoker’s face”, whatever the fuck that means. But yeah, I’ve never smoke a cigarette before in my entire life.

I just don’t want to. When I was 10, some older dude in the playground offered me a stick and I was like, “Oh shit this is my moment. This is the moment school was talking about. I gotta say no! I can’t give in TO PEER PRESSURE!!!!!.” And I said no.

Just like that. I knew I could say no forever. And I always said no.

I think smokers who complain they don’t have enough money in life and are going broke are fucking idiots. Stop fucking smoking then. What, what? It’s hard? OF COURSE it’s supposed to be hard. You don’t get out of a rut easily.

I also think it’s extremely poseur to say shit like, “No. I am not a smoker. I only smoke when I’m drinking or clubbing.” And the lamest of all, “I only smoke when I’m offered a stick.” What? Shit has gone into your lungs. You’re a smoker.

I think I shouldn’t have downed the first drink too fast. I should have taken it nice and ezzzzz

Here’s some relationship advice!

I am currently in a long distance relationship with the MOST beautiful and amazing girl in the world.

Many have asked me typical shit like, “Wow. Isn’t it hard?” and “How can you trust her? Aren’t you scared she’d cheat on you?”

First, no. It’s not that hard. In fact, I’d say it’s the distance in a relationship that’s making us last and also making me happy! I love the space the relationship brings. I love my space. EVERYBODY needs space. That’s the folly of most couples. THey think that they got to spend every single second together. That’s bullshit. Everybody needs space.

Why do you think so many couples get together and everyone’s like “awwwww these two… they’re so going to get married” as if it’s a fairy tale? But… it’s not a happily ever after. They eventually get a divorce, then everyone’s like “Omg what?! Them?!”

Idiots. It’s because they realize they can’t LIVE togetherrrrrrrrrrr. Living together brings the relationship to the next level and trust me, it’s not as fun as you think. All the little things get to you. I once let an ex-girlfriend stay with me a lot. So many little things pissed me off. Like I was playing my Xbox once, she walked in, walked out, and left the door open. My god!

So yeah. Words to the wise. You young’uns. Don’t start living together too soon. Don’t even let your boyfriend or girlfriend stay over too often. That’s effectively marriage life and you’re too young for marriage life. LIVE and be free you dumb assholes.

I’m gonna eat some Doritos. Yes. I prepared them beforehand.

d0qqr (1)

My girlfriend just texted me. God I love her. Hang on. Let me just reply her real quick.

You wanna know what’s the secret to true love and happy relationship?

It’s not chemistry, having things in common, the sacrifice, the “spark”, love at first sight or any of that gay bullshit.

It’s this. The secret to true love is this: ASK yourself, “Does she/he make me happy?”

You have to ALWAYS answer a resounding “yes!”

Not “Well… Let me think…” or “I’m not sure” or “Well yeah, if she would change…” and obviously not “no.”

If you can’t answer yes confidently, bitch, you aren’t in love. You’re probably at most comfortable. And comfort does not equate to love.

LOVE is a feeling man. You feel it. That means to say, you can’t explain it in logical or rational terms. Stop overthinking or over analzying everything. Just feel it and shut up. Deep down, you know. Your heart always know. If you’re constantly worrying over bullshit like “omg, what if she thinks I’m a stalker if I like her photo on instagram?” bitch. That’s not love. That’s being a loser. Relationship and love aren’t mean to be that hard to the point you worry over stupid shit like that.

Okay time for a tune up.  And I need to pee.

Btw, credit goes to my boy ADAM for the words of wisdom on love above. That dude married his first girlfriend of since he was 18 I think. He told me he didn’t believe in the bullshit of chemistry and nonsense. He’s happy and that’s all he needed.

Amazing. Amazing because I know he’s a good guy and not an asshole.

SO MANY people today cheat. Infidelity has become a culture sadly. I’m not surprised anymore to find out this guy or that girl cheats in their relationship.

It’s pathetic.

Yo, when I was young and single, I hooked up with girls who had boyfriends, one of whom showed up during a my first date with her. HAHA. But I didn’t feel bad. I mean, I wasn’t answerable to anybody. She was. But… it was just too easy. She gave me the attention easily.

ANYWAY, yes, too many people cheat today.

I cheated on an ex-girlfriend once. That was a drunken mistake on my part and since that, I swore to make sure I drank responsibly and not fuck up like an idiot again. THE point is, so many people cheat man.

The reason why I think cheating is so bad is because we’re responsible to our parents. We ALL were given life and grew up believing that our parents met, fell in love, somehow had sex and gave birth to us. We believed that it was true love, a fairy tale. IT’s only after we grew up that we learn of terms like “divorce” and “grey areas.”

But the way I see it? Honour your damn parents. If you grew up believing your parents had true love, Oh the SAME PARENTS who cared and love for you since young, then you better well honour them and not fuck around. Don’t ruin your childhood. If your childhood feels ruined and your memories get tarnished, it’s your own damn fault.

Boy, I’m feeling more buzzed now. I realized the alcohol is making me type like a machine, as in I just type whatever that comes to mind.

house music, nice.

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What to write… what to write…

OH. I always wanted to say this.

UNLESS you’re a fucking 5-year old, who in itself must be a really annoying 5-year old, laughing at Groot saying “I’m Groot” ALL THE DAMN TIME during Guardians of the Galaxy makes me think you’re fucking stupid and have absolutely no life.

Sometimes I wonder why moms are so annoying, yet we love them so much. It’s a cycle of guilt and love on our us kids’ part.

Okay let me chew on these doritos right now and take a huge swig and go on a rant on education.

I think education is kind of worthless today.

I’ve a degree myself, from a supposedly prestigious university. But meh.

Before I enrolled into my first year, my dad died. OBviously, my life changed there and then.

I knew being happy was the most important thing in the world. I know tha tsounds cheesy and like from a Yogi master, but it’s true.

This is what I observe of A LOT OF university friends:

They graduate and got their degree —> They work some swanky bank with a high salary —> They become fat and unhappy —> They buy ludicrously expensive bullshit because they have no time or are too tired to spend the money the way they really want.

I’ve seen a ton of girls, whom I thought were hot in university grow up into really tired and haggard-looking ladies. Sad.

I really don’t see a point in studying so hard and realize that you will never be happy in life. I was a bloody slacker in college. But… here I am, pretty darn happy. with a hot girlfriend. There’s no point working fucking 60 hours a week, and on weekends just for a high pay. You’ll be too tired to be happy.

OOps my house music youtube just ended. Gotta switch to another.

SO, just be happy. It doesn’t matter if oyu lack an education. If you humble yourself to keep working hard, you can go far. If you have a degree and realize you feel like shit way too much, just wake the fuck up and do something different already. If you want different results, do something different.

Stop thinking that old people are annoying. Old people are packed with wisdom. It’s just their bodies don’t work so well anymore. Your parents are also growing old, not just older.

I’m kind slowing down now. Not really sure what to say.

Oh since my dad died, I’ve fallen out with a ton of friends. I just decided that being the nice guy wasn’t worth it anymore. Some friends aren’t meant to be kept. They’re meant to be thrown away.

Don’t ever doubt yourself when drama happens. More often than not, it ain’t your fault. Drama queens just want to create problems. So fuck them.

The hangover

Okayyyy I’m looking at this post and adding in the gifs. That process took forever.

Well that was fun. Really. And I could have drank more actually. But I was kind of full.

Still, I definitely let go of some inhibitions to write all of that out.

I actually stopped where I did because I went out to drink some more with some friends.

I may do it this again sometime. In the mean time, enjoy this. And share it if I somehow hit a nerve.

Do you want more honest-as-fuck stories like this?

14 comments

  1. Suzi - October 13, 2014 9:59 am

    I love this, except for *one* sentence:

    “If your childhood feels ruined and your memories get tarnished, it’s your own damn fault.”

    My father was an abusive emotional bully. If he wasn’t giving one of his kids a “bop” he was threatening to do so, or yelling, or berating, or ridiculing. I didn’t even *like* him, much less love or respect him. His death was my salvation. And my mother was oblivious. She thought everything was great. She was one of those people that thought that since we weren’t poor, our lives were wonderful. Feh. My childhood was filled with fear. And when I talked to her about it she ridiculed me too. She told me that if they ever broke up, we kids were going to live with *him*. Yikes! That scared the cr@p out of me for years. None of that was my “own damn fault”. Abuse never is the fault of the victim. So just because your parents were good to you doesn’t mean everybody’s were.

    Reply
    • alden - October 13, 2014 10:06 am

      Sorry to hear that.

      What I actually meant was how the act of cheating invariably ruins one’s childhood. There’re exceptions like you, but I was mostly referring to people lucky enough who grew up normally. And I can’t address everyone in life in a single post.

      Thanks for sharing your story though. Strange. I was probably too drunk. Usually when I’m on talkative-drunk mode I’d have added that exception in.

      Reply
  2. chris - October 13, 2014 5:24 pm

    You sir are a badass realist and I applaud you for it. Too many people these days are hiding behind their damn facebook pages, twitter, instagrams, and all that business it seems. Too often things have been about appearances and that alone doesn’t seem to be a good thing.

    I frankly feel like I live on a planet where no one wants to discuss every single thought and feeling that goes through their minds. It seems like it is highly discouraged and it’s fucking sad. I sometimes wish I had someone I could just talk to about anything with frankly. I bet you are a ton of fun in person and a great friends to get to know! Also, your posts on happiness and the short but sweet 12 steps to happiness helped lift me out of a funk I’ve been in for awhile. Not to mention some annoying irritable bowel problems and what not that have largely been hell over the last year for me as well, which obviously bummed me out.

    Keep it up, kick ass, write your heart out!

    Reply
    • alden - October 13, 2014 6:14 pm

      Thanks dude.

      Haha well. Just find a better environment. It’s all good when you meet the right peeps.

      But yeah. Many fakes out there. All full of shit. Do yourself a favour and just quit Facebook.

      Reply
  3. Glinda Bustamante - October 13, 2014 5:48 pm

    OMG This is EFFING brilliant!!!! Love it and the insight is raw and unadulterated wisdom and hilarity. So original. Keep up the good work my friend, I have become encouraged and u sure as hell ain’t the only one. Yours truly, Lightbulb7Seven

    Reply
    • alden - October 13, 2014 6:13 pm

      Thanks so much.

      Haha well. Drunk words, sober thoughts 😉

      Reply
  4. Lorraine - October 14, 2014 9:22 am

    Shame on you, why did you feel you had to get drunk to write a whole lot of garbage when you write that sort of stuff anyway? You must have a low estimate of yourself to do that. I have never drunk in my life and I admire myself for that. I never feel that I need to hide behind anything to do the best I can. All I can hope for you is that you will rise above that moment of weakness and just get on with life being the best you can be without having to hide behind a drunken blind!!! You are so lucky to have a girlfriend who cares for you so do not degrade yourself in her eyes. That is not clever. If you want to keep her be sensible and love her as you are – not the drunken lout you tried to be. Would you like to read that sort of stuff if she got drunk and wrote it?? THINK ABOUT IT!!
    Fond regards.

    Reply
    • alden - October 14, 2014 9:30 am

      I suggest you see a therapist to battle your aggressive convictions towards alcohol.

      Reply
  5. Linda - October 14, 2014 2:27 pm

    I’m WAY older than you — WAY! I am a “legal mj” smoker. It keeps me from being a bitchy old lady! I’ve smoked mj for like 40+ years. I worked in real estate for many years & never smoked while doing business but now I’m retired, no one to answer to, finally have nothing to do and all the time in the world to do it. I am active in my church, I live alone (and LOVE it) so I don’t need to be anywhere at any particular time so I can spend time on my hobbies. I admit it can make me lazy, but if I do need a clear head, etc. I can pull it together real quick! That’s the main advantage to mj as opposed to booze (I hardly EVER drink because it messes with my high), you can get “instant sober” by just not smoking for a little time & eat, then “ta-da” – good to go! I’ve never written to anyone on a blog before but I want to say I like yours! You’re cute, funny, tuned in & I imagine very happy! Have a good time — ALL the time!

    Reply
    • alden - October 14, 2014 2:36 pm

      Thanks for the insight. I’m sure that’s something most would agree upon.

      Reply
  6. jakki dodds - October 14, 2014 3:33 pm

    man i just love EVERYTHING u write hey! im just writing my comment here to tell u that i used to smoke pot, back when i was studying art, n while it made me think i’d created some really great arty pieces, we(my art class) went on an art camp once, n when it came to going for a walk around to look at everyone’s ‘nature installations’ pieces we’d done, when we got to mine n my friends(also stoned with me while creating), my lecturer said something like “we’ll just keep walking past this one shall we?” which was a bit of a drop back down to earth! but when it came to my main piece that i got marked on towards our final grades. the lecturer just sent me off with a camera to photograph that one(also made while high as) because he assumed it would be of equal lack of value in his eyes, but when the photos were developed(yes this was well over ten years ago, when there were still cameras with film), i got the highest grades in the class for that piece! so it has varying levels of ‘inspirational’ value i think…. but im happy to read your drunk rants Alden!!

    Reply
    • alden - October 15, 2014 6:48 am

      Haha nice!

      I guess it worked for you. True inspiration came out.

      Reply
  7. Sai - October 15, 2014 7:21 am

    You’re absolutely amazing:)im getting use to F word now,haha expect me to read everyday at work:)

    Reply
    • alden - October 15, 2014 7:24 am

      Sweet. See you around. F words for everybody.

      Reply

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