Note: This was an email I sent to my list a couple of days ago. It surprisingly did really well as a lot of readers replied to it, one of whom even said she cried reading it. So I decided to put it up here on the blog for everyone to read. See? If you subscribe to me you get exclusive non-blog goodies too. Enjoy!
Yep I nearly did.
You see, my girlfriend just went back home to her country today. I only get to see her once a month.
I had the past 6 days with her and it was an absolute blast. I loved every minute and second of it.
But… as with every month, one of us has to go home. And she had to go home today.
I sent her off at the airport and the feeling was horrible. It felt like a heavy mass of conflicted emotions inside me.
On one hand, I really did not want her to go at all. I wanted her to stay with me forever.
On the other hand, I was thinking, “Oh my god just go! I can’t stand this meaningless wait. Just go check in with your passport. We’re just being polite and trying to save what little worthless time we have together now”.
And eventually, it came to an end. We hugged at the check-in point, kissed and said “See you later”.
“Never goodbye”, as she taught me.
That’s why I love her. She’s strong enough to always tell me that, when I’m the one feeling weak inside.
I felt like I wanted to cry this afternoon… but I didn’t.
As crappy and shitty as I felt today, I told myself, “Today I decide that I’ll be happy. I hate to see her go, but I’ll be happy. There’s so much shit in my life, work, money, worrying about money, worrying about my mom, wondering when I can make it big, wishing that everything was easier, all the anger and frustration with other people, BUT TODAY… I’ll be happy”.
After my girlfriend walked past through the gate, I couldn’t help but not smile. She turned around once, and waved at me. She was smiling. So was I.
There was only joy.
And that’s what I wanted to tell you today…
… There is only joy.
You see in life we tend to always dwell in all the bad stuff like anger, frustration, worry, anxiety or whatever, you name it. It kind of takes control of our lives a lot, and that’s why we get lost.
We all just want to be happy. We just want to protect what we love, and be happy.
And that’s what I felt deep in me at the airport today. As I waved to my girlfriend for the last time before she walked off, I just realized that I, and ALL of us just want to be happy.
No it isn’t like, “Yeah I’m so strong” just because I didn’t cry. I’m honestly feeling very envious right now to all the lucky couples out there who get to see and hug their loved one every, single day.
But… I still decide to be happy.
There is only joy. So spread it. Forget about feeling angry, sad or frustrated for a second. Open up, and just try to be happy even in your darkest moment.
I hope you can.
I’m missing my girlfriend very much right now, but I’m so happy to have met her. Until I meet her again, I will be happy, as much as I can.
I hope you can too.