How to order a drink like a man

One aspect of manliness is about being able to order your own drink, like a man! I don’t mean ordering a drink at Macdonalds or from a vending machine. If you actually thought about that, please exit now cause YOU ARE A BOY! Haha! Boy!

I refer to of course, ordering a drinking in a bar or a club. More often than not, the scenario goes hand in hand with a lady friend by your side.

Why is this important? Oh yes it is my friends. How a man orders a drink can depict class, decisiveness, sophistication and most of all, manliness! It’s the little nuances and subtleties that can actually go a long way to portray the man that is inside you and even improve your game.

Your chocies

-Drinks like whiskey, scotch, gin, bourbon and vodka. And yes, appreciate all your beers. Even a “Lite” beer is forgivable.

What do these drinks have in common? They are either brown, a tinge of yellow or colorless. These drinks are meant to be either drank neat or on the rocks. Don’t mix that shit up with some soda or like coke. Only frat boys or kids from school do that.

Anything too colorful is for girls. Weird ass colors in your drink simply speaks of the major girliness in you. Colourful drinks are mostly sweet-tasting, a factor which most likely reflects your sensitive side and love for soft toys.

Here’s a little something I came across on the net: “If it’s brown, suck it down, if it’s pink, don’t you drink.”

Also, a colorful drink most likely comes hand in hand with a fanciful name of a drink, which mostly sounds extremely girly and makes it super embarrassing for you to order. Imagine you are with your woman in a crowded place and you start to order a, “Snowball” or a “Chocolate martini”, or a “Fuzzy Navel”, or a “Manicured potion”. What the fuck is that last one? I made it up. God and Google knows whether it’s real. From here on out, you better pray your bartender decides not to garnish your drink with a slice of orange or a kooky straw. Imagine how stupid you would look then.

The ordering process

1) Be decisive

A man should know what he wants from the start. A quick scan of the menu is alright, but don’t take too long and start telling stories on what your mood feels like drinking. It is not cool to take longer than your female companion to decide on what you want. Nothing is more annoying than you going, “Erm… okay I have the er… oh wait let me think… hmm… okay I’ll have whatever you have on tap” Wtf?

Decisiveness is an important characteristic that can take you far in life. Be it in the area of work, money or just going on a date, your decisiveness shows confidence and your ability to take charge of situations. You can be indecisive all you want, but don’t expect others to wait.

2) Don’t order a drink you can’t even pronounce

If you can’t even pronounce it, it means you don’t even know what the fuck it is. Not only would you sound like a mumbling buffoon, but you may potentially end up ordering something you don’t even like. There goes your night then!

Bonus: It would be even better if you can name the brand of the liquor you want. Instead of just whiskey, it could be “Macallan on the rocks”. It shows you know your shit well!

3) Call your waiter or bartender

Catch their eye, signal for their attention and order your drink. Be firm and fluent. Don’t end up having to repeat yourself.

4) Alcohol first, mixer later

Always name the alcohol FIRST before the mixer. E.g. It’s a Vodka Redbull, not Redbull with Vodka.

5) Don’t be an ass

Respect the establishment and the people working there. A real man doesn’t throw his weight around just because of his status or the amount of money he earns or knowing some big shot. If the waiter doesn’t seem to be able to catch what you say, be patient and explain it to him nicely. It doesn’t give you the trump card to give him a hard time.

What to do when you like her pussy drink

Yes of course this happens. We are man, not monsters. We like the occasional sweet drink since we have normal taste buds.

So what do you do? You really feel like having a taste of that fancy drink, but you do not want to compromise your manliness. Here’s a few neat tricks:

1) Pretend you are ordering it for some other girl

Go to the bar, order it, tell the bartender, “Pfft, girls right?” and give that “I know right?” look. Then grab your something-tini and go to some corner and enjoy it privately.

2) Get your dumb friend to order for you.

Speaks for itself. He probably doesn’t know any better so make use of him!

3) Order in a manly, gruff voice

Order with your best “I don’t give a fuck what you think” voice. Look totally awesome and manly so people around you would take you seriously, despite that glass of colorful shit you are holding.

Ordering a drink may seem like such a miniscule thing in life, but trust me, take these lessons seriously and you can definitely one up yourself among your peers. Little knowledge gives a whole edge in life. Who knows, you may encounter any said situations above and you will know what to do. And knowing what to do always feels right.

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  1. dan - November 27, 2011 8:05 pm

    i like this shit bro

    • alden - November 28, 2011 7:00 am

      Thanks Dan. Apply all this shit, and you get the upper edge in any social situation =)


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