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How to not take things personally

how to not take things personally

Oh you know how it is.

Somebody said something to you and it pissed you off. You’re upset. For the more sensitive ones, you even get sad. You cry.

The troubling words go through over and over in your head like an annoying song.

“You’re a loser.”

“You suck.”

“You are a burden.”

“I can kick your weak, skinny ass.”

And of course, that’s pretty upsetting, especially when a loved one says that to you.

Usually though, you aren’t close or even related to whoever said those mean things to you.

Stop trying to figure it out

When shit like this happens, it’s easy to wonder, “Why?”, “What did I do to deserve that?” or  “Is that what people see me as?”

And then, you go all out to right the supposed wrong, mulling over what to do to mete out justice, “I’m going to kick HIS ass!” or “She’s going to take back those words.”

Nah. It’s all a waste of time. Stop trying to figure it out.

You’re only taking things personally. 

That means to say, you’re allowing the words or actions of others affect your very core being.

You allow the words to trouble you because you feel insulted even though it’s probably not true at all.

You allow their words to become true because you question it, which reflects your lack of self-confidence.

You’re allowing them to make you become a drama queen.

Don’t take it personally already. They’re just words.

It can be very aggravating and hurtful, but if you can step it up and rise above this shit, you’re golden.

Here’s how to not take things personally

1) See them for who they really are

Let’s say someone is shouting directly in your face, “You’re a piece of shit! I hate you!”

First, calm down. Relax. Let the noise settle.

Who is this guy? A big buff dude who’s going to kick your ass? A guy who is right just because he raised his volume?

No. He is none of the above. He is only a bully. And what are bullies?

They’re insecure losers who are feeling all the pain deep down because of the void they can’t fill. They’re angry, hurt, upset, confused and lost in life. That’s all.

So see your wrongdoers or antagonizers for who they really are. They aren’t people who have power over you. Heck, they aren’t even your EQUALS for misbehaving like that.

Dangerous driver cut you off? He’s not somebody who thinks your driving sucks. He’s just an idiot.

Friend trying to steal your girlfriend? He’s not a potential threat. He’s a frigging loser who doesn’t have the balls to meet girls on his own.

Abusive boss ordering you around? He’s not somebody who is better thank you at work. He hates his job and he’s evidence to why you should quit so you don’t end up like him.

Note: After you see who they really are, I wouldn’t think about them any further. It’s easy to become spiteful and think like, “Oh I bet he cries himself to sleep every night and he was beaten as a child.”

It’s just a waste of time and energy. You’re better than that.

2) Take it only as a challenge. Don’t back down from it now.

Somebody pissed you off?

Look. That’s normal. Everybody gets upset or hurt by somebody else at some point in their life. It’s inevitable.

Now here’s the thing, it’s extremely easy to be sad or angry. It’s extremely easy to react negatively and start taking it out on others or things. And that of course, is the last thing you want to happen because you’d just end up like your bully.

You know what isn’t easy? Taking it as a challenge and facing it.

how to not take things personally

It is your opportunity to become better because obstacles only make you stronger.

So calm your mind. Don’t go nuts. Stop whining, crying or being so pissed off.

These guys aren’t powerful figures of authority who managed to upset the balance in your world as you say, “How dare he!” or “The nerves of that bitch!”

They’re only challenges. And any challenge can be overcome as long as you put your mind to it.

3) Don’t question. Don’t doubt. Have absolute faith in yourself.

One reason why we suffer the effects of taking things personally is because we question ourselves too easily.

Let’s say somebody tells you, “Your cooking tastes like ass!”

Then you go from, “What?! Ass? Really? How can that be?” to “I hate that guy. How dare he? He’s never allowed to eat my food again!”

It all starts from the tiny seed of doubt. Man, that is just ONE dude who tasted your cooking; who made you upset.

He or she does not represent the whole world of food-tasting or whatever. Just because one self-destructive idiot decides to try to drag you down with him does not mean you need to follow.

Have absolute faith in your abilities. Be your own rock. If you know you’re good, you’re good. Leave it as that.

4) Stick to the best version of yourself and go for it.

When you take things personally, you only create drama within yourself. You run away from challenges as you allow the negative emotions to take over.

Effectively, you forget who you truly are as you simmer.

Let’s get real. Sure, you’re probably mad at that asshole and you wanna bitch slap that bitch. But are you really going to if it comes down to it?

How often have you created drama in your head only to not let any of it see the light of the day because you’re a good, normal person who doesn’t want trouble?

The best versions of ourselves don’t usually come on stage because we’re either too busy or indulging in the drama inside us. But it exists in you and it’s alive.

So never forget that. Act like that version. And become that version.

how-to-not-take-things-personally

For me personally, I try to not take things personally by remembering that I’m a good dude who’s better than the crap I’m served. I also believe that I’m not average. As mentioned, getting pissed off and emotional is way too easy. I don’t cower from challenges.

I’m not a little bitch. That’s what I tell myself.

image credit: imgur and 1ms.net

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6 comments

  1. Dana - July 10, 2014 5:26 pm

    Wow! I am usually the way too happy and optimistic girl that people sometimes just want to slap but today is one of those rare days that that is not the casel My shit goes a little deeper as it does involve very close loved ones, but I really needed that reminder to end my pity party. Afterall, I am the only guest!
    On a brighter note, I’ve been meaning to write to you. I have been following you for several months, you have even answered a few email, but I have really been intending to let you know your growth has been amazing and I am so excited for the success that you are realizing!

    Reply
  2. Irfan - July 11, 2014 11:30 am

    great post

    Reply
  3. Clara - July 11, 2014 6:29 pm

    Hello, Yes, I like your comments and the things you say. But I happen to disagree a little bit with what you are saying here. Of course, you won´t give a shit about my comments, but I will post them anyway.

    When, you decide to think that you are the king or queen of the world and you are so perfect that everybody else is wrong, sooner or later you will be alone, because you will keep the behavior that supports this believe, and people will find you annoying.

    But, when you have the courage to listen to others and even consider their opinions, you can be aware of things about yourself that are hurting you. We need mirrors. If you see people being offensive to you, and you don´t like that, it is because you are offensive to people too.

    And I don´t give a shit about your response.

    See….

    Reply
  4. Owen - July 12, 2014 10:36 pm

    I find it helps to remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about them. If someone wants to be a bully, they’re the one with a problem, not me. If someone wants to ride my ass or cut me off going down the road, I just think “it must suck to be that stressed and hurried.” No one has ever insulted my cooking, but if they did, I’d figure: Good! Now I know one person who won’t ask me to cook for them. If someone rips me off (and it does happen in business occasionally) I figure they must be insecure about their financial situation and they’ll always feel broke, no matter how much the have. They have a scarcity mindset and I’m glad I don’t.

    The only part that’s about me is how I choose to react; if I choose to react negatively, with anger or hurt feelings, then I can try to figure out why I chose that. And that’s a path to greater happiness.

    Reply
  5. Pingback: 15 things to tell yourself to calm the angry monster in you - Alden-tan.com

  6. bongileb - July 15, 2014 9:01 pm

    I have read through this atticle and just by brouse reading I have gain a lot of solution to some problems that I had in life, I have learnt not to dwel on hate b ut substitute it with something that makes u happy instead and enjoy life and be better than the next person.

    Reply

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