Alden-tan.com

How to judge people so you don’t make loser friends

Everyone’s like, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” because it’s wrong.

It’s basically wrong to make preconceived notions about something or someone because well, there’s usually a lot to understand on a deeper level.

And more often than not, it’s YOUR loss if you make judgements. You’d supposedly lose out as you don’t get to discover the hearts of gold in people.

Well, I say that’s bullshit because all of us judge all the time. It’s only human nature to always make snap judgements.

The key idea is to make sure you judge the correct way.

I personally judge all the time man.

Why? For starters I know I’m only human and I can’t stop the gears moving in my head and in turn, my reaction to people just happen.

I also do it to protect myself so I don’t waste time on the wrong people.

Let’s get to it! This is gonna be fast and awesome

1) Check how he or she treats customer service staff

5517037272_79f4dac85e_zThis is one of my favourite quotes ever.

Yep, straight up. Whoever treats customer service staff, be it the waiter, the cashier, the agent on the phone or the chef badly, are just complete assholes.

I don’t know why, but some people seem to have in their heads that just because they pay a premium, they have the right to be rude to the staff.

“The customer is always right” must be the dumbest line ever. If you’re working right now and your boss enforces that rule to the point of not watching out for your well being, just fucking quit right now. There’s a fine line between giving in for excellent service and being submissive to undeserving jerks.

All that aside, if you ask me, we’re all equals, working or not. Sure, as a paying customer, you expect to get what you want. You deserve that. But that never ever means you’re better than the staff in any humanly, possible way.

I’ve met people who are really nice and cool to me, but act like kings who condescend on staff. Not cool.

If you meet someone like that, he’s an asshole and she’s a bitch. Ditch them. You deserve humble friends who don’t use money to rise up and certainly not people who base friendship on monetary worth.

2) Don’t judge people for their past mistakes. Judge them on how they recover from their mistakes

Ever met people who screw up and they’re extremely quick to justify their actions?

They don’t apologize.

They make up excuses, “I was drunk. I don’t remember shit. It doesn’t count”. (And then continue to get drunk again).

They try to turn the tables, “What about you? Remember the time you blah blah blah?”

Hell they won’t even fucking dare to look you in the eye.

This is straight up disgusting.

Anyway, don’t judge people base on the mistakes they’ve made. Nobody is perfect. To judge them on what they’ve done wrong in life is kind of hypocritical. If you get so offended by everybody’s screw ups, then you’re pretty much not going to make many friends.

Instead, look at how they try to recover, learn, grow and become a better person altogether. That’s real maturity right there and you know they’re good people who strive to be better people in life.

I’ve personally fallen out with friends who turned out to be major disappointments. None of them ever bothered to do some reflection, but instead kept justifying their crap. I also made the mistake of justifying for them too much, “They’re my friends”, “I can let it go”.

It only resulted in me falling out with them.

It’s certainly up to you to how much you want to tolerate people’s crap, but use this idea and save yourself from vast amounts of negative energy. You deserve better.

3) If someone borrows money from you constantly

For whatever purpose. If they don’t return. If they take forever to return.

It’s time to fuck off.

4) Check their “reputation”

Ever met someone who is really awesome to you?

You think he’s cool as according to him, he get you in the clubs for free and introduce you to a bunch of hot girls.

You think she’s such a nice person as she’s so polite, cute and even complimented you.

And then BAM! You’ve like 10 other people telling you all sorts of shit about them.

“He’s a free loader! He never pays for his drinks!”.

“She’s psycho man. She must have had slept with 10 guys in the last month”.

Gossip and hearsay like this never ends if you want to go down the rabbit hole. Judgement will be widespread everywhere and there’s no point trying to figure out who’s telling the truth.

I think it’s important to actually listen to what others have to say despite how you feel about that person. I mean… if you’ve 10 people saying the same shit about someone, your bullshit alarm would surely go off the hook. You got to listen before you get trapped and be taken advantage of (that’s when the person starts to ask you for favours).

In this case, push back how you feel about that person. Just open up and listen a little to others. If too much is being said by too many people, it’s most likely right.

If anything, do yourself a favour and keep a healthy distance. You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend.

5) Never ever judge on looks

Don’t even bother.

We’re attracted to beauty, sure, but don’t let it get in the way of how you feel about someone.

Everyone has a different opinion.

Take for example: I get people who’re like, “She works as a model. She therefore must be a bitch and only goes for rich guys. I’d rather settle for a plain Jane”.

And I’m like… What? Even plain Janes can be really horrible people too.

See how I twisted it there?

Yeah. Let’s get a little cynical here.

The content of one’s character is never base on how he or she looks. The looks are just an added bonus.

An attractive person can be really nice or snobbish.

An unattractive person can be nice as he or she accepts who she is and appreciates inner beauty more. Or they could be so insecure they take it out on others.

See how it’s completely interchangeable?

The idea of, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is usually base on how they the book can be really good and it’s our loss if we judge.

How about considering the fact that the book can be totally shitty instead?

Bottom line here is to never judge at all base on looks. It’s a waste of time. Watch out for yourself.

6) Don’t make friends. Have friends made for you instead

Be yourself.

Recognize how someone makes you feel despite whatever that’s going on around them.

Follow your feelings all the way. Don’t think at all.

The rest will take care itself.

Life’s too short to hang out with assholes. Stop wasting your time on the wrong people.

Use judgement wisely.

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14 comments

  1. Trevor - May 25, 2013 4:08 pm

    Nice post, Alden!

    Straight to the point(s) and straight shooting as always 🙂

    Could you elaborate on your last idea, “Don’t make friends, have friends made for you instead”?

    I think I know where you’re going with it, but I’d rather hear your opinion than “hear” mine…I already have a pretty good idea of what I’m thinking…rather learn something from somebody else today!

    Reply
    • alden - May 27, 2013 6:09 am

      Hey man,

      At the end of the day you just got to be yourself, which means that probably consists of some form of judgement on your end. Don’t try too hard in making friends. Be yourself, use judgement wisely and attract the right people.

      Reply
  2. Linda - May 26, 2013 12:12 am

    Thank you for the post Alden, there is much good advice.

    May I make a suggestion though, that would most likely gain you more readers and followers?

    Generally, your posts have useful and meaningful information that will enable an individual to grow in a healthy, “inner character”, way. This is what you want your readers and followers to have?

    My suggestion: cease the superlatives! As I read your posts, every”fuck…”, “bullshit”, etc., causes an inner negative jolt. The same post (above), could be written, without any loss of intent, but without the jolting superlatives; the grammatical errors most likely will be overlooked, or I could help yo with that, if you so desire. You could even write just as you did above, but instead of just “posting away, send your original writing to me FIRST. I will replace the superlatives with a more palatable word and even adjust some grammar. Your articles will NOT lose their content or intent – indeed, they would have a greater overall impact. You would still be YOU and the post would still be YOURS!

    Let me know your thoughts. I truly believe you would have a greater following and continue to keep those who already follow you.

    Linda

    Reply
    • alden - May 27, 2013 6:08 am

      Thanks Linda! I appreciate the offer. Will email you soon.

      But although, I mostly write like how I talk. It’s just to be more personal and authentic.

      Reply
    • Kimi - May 31, 2013 11:47 am

      Grown ups swear. Get over it. That inner negative jolt is just YOUR perception. Personally, I enjoy his unique perspective. What gave me a negative jolt is your transparent attempt at landing a job censoring his viewpoint and narrative style.

      Reply
      • alden - June 3, 2013 5:31 am

        🙂 “Grown ups swear” I like that.

        Reply
      • Ann - July 21, 2014 6:47 pm

        Absofuckinglutely!!!
        Bearing in mind that English – as far as I know – is not his native language being from Singapore, he expresses himself really really well. Actually with far fewer grammatical mistakes than a load of native speakers.
        And yes, grown ups do fucking swear! Some of us a lot!! LOL

        Reply
    • Lorena - October 14, 2015 1:34 pm

      I agree. I stumbled across this website and I really liked this but the language is unattractive. I have two 20-something yr old daughters I am sharing this with but I know they will agree with me to. I like your thinking but as constructive criticism, you may want to take this woman’s advice. I DEFINITELY think it would expand your audience.

      Reply
  3. DasPoohHay - May 26, 2013 3:19 pm

    Love the quote Alden- “Life’s too short to hang with assholes!”

    ;oD

    Have a great Memorial Day weekend

    Reply
  4. karen crossett - May 27, 2013 8:12 am

    Hi Alden a great topic to cover. Especially Love number one and number two.
    I see so called “spiritual” people treating staff sharply and it isn’t good.
    They have lost the true purpose of personal growth.
    And at the same time our mistakes can make us stronger and wiser if we do some compassionate reflection.
    Great post. Keep up the great work.

    Reply
  5. Clare - November 2, 2014 4:25 pm

    Great post! You are so right; someone who treats waiters, waitresses, staff in a rude way is not a cool individual and is probably someone to avoid!
    Keep up the great work!
    Thanks!

    Reply
    • alden - November 3, 2014 5:35 am

      For sure. They aren’t good people. Nothing more, nothing less.

      Reply
  6. Rachel - November 11, 2015 12:29 am

    Hey Alden,

    We make judgements in the first three seconds of meeting someone new. The trick is allowing that judgement to be adjusted as you get to know the person. I have never been one to listen to gossip. I don’t care if one of my friends does not like someone I have just met. I judge on what a person does to me. I am not quick to rid of someone who has the potential to grow.

    I agree with the customer service behaviour you are talking about. I had been in customer service for years and people do take their attitudes out on the waiter who is paying for uni, the dish pig who is paying their way through a course.

    I have found judgement is like labeling. When we label something all of a sudden that is all we see. Say for instance – she is a crazy person – anything she does then goes under the banner. Keeping an open mind has lead me to have some of the most outstanding friends who to me have been eccentric with lots to offer, who my other friends would not have anything to do with. More fool them, I benefited.

    I think we all have our own styles of applying safety barriers to how we protect ourselves. Thanks for a great post.

    Rachel.

    Reply

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