I originally answered this on Quora. So here we go!
Let’s just fucking get to it so you can attract the shit out of the girl you like!
My pointers are things that mostly have to do with working on your inner-self rather than a bunch of tactics you can carry out.
Tactics will never work if you don’t have what it takes to pull it off. That is why most advice out there is bullshit.
E.g. You may have the best pickup line in the world, but if you’re a little boy who mumbles a lot, can’t dress well at all and generally has no charisma, the words will simply fumble.
So work the other way around.
If you can master yourself inside first and foremost, you can master anything outside. The journey would at least, be a lot easier.
1) Understand how attraction works
Basically, attraction is not a choice.
Yes it’s not a damn choice.
You feel what you feel and sometimes, you wouldn’t be able to understand it.
Why do you think you end up liking girls that don’t seem to be a right fit for you? Why do you see couples that don’t seem compatible or have nothing in common end up together, and happy at that?
So get this in your head: Attraction is not a choice.
You now need to start using this fact to your advantage.
Like the supposed “Bad Boy.”
2) Understand why women date assholes
Or the “bad boy.”
I talk about this in greater detail in my article, Why Women Date Assholes, but here’s the gist of it:
– The Asshole is somebody who LOOKS like they have many attractive qualities, but inside, they’ve nothing going on for them.
In other words, they know how to lie, deceive and cheat women into thinking that they make good boyfriends.
– Subsequently, The Asshole is so good at being showy that they’re shameless and overly confident to the point that they know what it takes to attract the girl.
Remember, attraction is not a choice.
The girl, at the point of attraction does not know shit about whether a guy is a good or bad person. All she can see is whatever that is appearing outside. She is not a mind reader after all. Makes sense?
– Once The Asshole has snagged the girl, she will then realize he’s a useless piece of shit after a while.
But because she felt that initial attraction (again, not by choice) and remember that feeling, she clings on to the slim hope that he would change for the better.
This is the part she is whining to you, the guy who is in love with her and does not have what it takes to attract women properly yet, about why her boyfriend is an asshole.
This is the part you wonder why women date assholes and why nice guys like you never get the girl.
Which brings me to my next point.
3) Being nice is never enough to get what you want in life
This is the folly of people.
No, you do not deserve to get what you want in life just because you’re a nice person. You do not automatically experience good shit just because of “karma points” or whatever.
You’ll not get the girl if you think that being nice is enough when all the while you’re sitting on your ass, feeling shy and shit and not daring to even talk to her.
Time and time again, I always hear from my lonely, single friends who whine about how the girl they like are dating bad boy assholes and they’re saying shit like, “I give to the poor! I do volunteer work! Why doesn’t she like me?!”
What could I say to my friend when they aren’t doing any practical shit to attract her?
I repeat: You will not get the girl, much less anything you want in life if you think being nice is enough.
If you want something in life, you go all out for it!
At the very least, you must make yourself known to her.
And you do that by attracting her.
4) Do what it takes to attract her so you’re at least on her radar
Let me present two perfect stereotypes:
Bad Boy- Looks like a complete asshole. Wears Ed Hardy. Has his hair dyed and spiked. Works out a lot. Talks loudly. Cracks stupid, sexy jokes. Eventually approaches the girl because he doesn’t give a shit about consequences.
Good boy who’s super innocent and shy- Does not dare to talk to the girl. Sits in one corner at the bar. Laments the fact that he can’t get girls for shit, but takes solace in the idea that he does charity work. Eventually does nothing.
Which person will the girl remember? Heck, which person will ANYONE else remember?
The answer is obvious.
So do you want to attract a girl? Then do what it takes to get her attention.
– Wash up. Trim your hair. Get rid of unnecessary facial hair. Tweeze your nostril hair sticking out. Shave your head if you’re balding. Fucking shower!
Yes. Looks matter. Get over it. The people who say looks don’t matter and that people who care about looks are superficial people are lonely fucks who don’t do anything to improve themselves.
A girl will not notice you, much less want to talk to you if you look like shit or worse, smell like shit.
– Dress nicely, keep up with trends and look presentable
Looks matter and thus people are judgmental as hell.
I am not saying you need to wear a suit everywhere you go, but if you’re still wearing baggy jeans with running shoes, people are honestly just going to laugh at you.
Go buy some nice shit. You’ll be happy you did.
– Learn to speak properly
You can’t hear yourself, so you may be coming off as a total loser or even rude, especially if you lack confidence in the first place (hence why I said pickup lines won’t work.)
So learn. Don’t mumble. Enunciate your words.
– Eventually, you’re going to have to talk to her
This is how you make yourself known. You need to get out of your comfort zone and approach her.
I won’t go into detail here, but just do what it takes.
Learn pickup online. Read books on approaching women. Use a bunch of tactics even (Yes! Finally! When tactics actually make sense.)
5) How to get the girl to like you
Notice I’ve been talking about how to get a girl attracted to you, and not to like you.
This is what I always believed in:
A girl will come to you when you attract her. Whether she stays or not, is all in your character and whether you make a nice boyfriend.
That is why bad boys attract the girl, but mostly make her unhappy after that.
Good, nice guys got it the other way around, which does not work because they can’t get her to come in the first place.
Hence, if you want her to like you, it’s entirely in your power. Some little tips:
– Be honest. Don’t lie to her. Don’t deceive her. Tell her your expectations from the start.
– Don’t be clingy. That’s annoying.
– LISTEN to her, give her your time and don’t dismiss her with logical solutions. Women talk to you because they want to be heard and know that you’re there for them. Don’t just dismiss her with obvious solutions e.g. “Babe, just go to the doctor if you’re feeling unwell. Excuse me, I am in the middle of this video game.” I talk about this more in my article, How To Finally Understand Women.
– Stand up for yourself and don’t always give in. A woman will not be attracted to somebody she does not respect.
– Be yourself.
This is the only time you get to be yourself.
Be yourself is shit advice if you don’t even know yourself or lack total confidence.
But yeah… you need to attract her first.
Do what it takes.
Then, do what it takes to get her to like you.
Bonus point 6) Ask yourself if you really want her to like you
Guys who lack confidence jump at every opportunity to want to get a girl because they feel lonely.
They don’t even know themselves. They don’t even know how to go about it. They don’t even know if they really like her.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to walk away. You simply can’t force shit. If it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be whether you like it or not.
Know that there’s a difference between love and obsession.
As much as your attraction is not a choice, it may also be a delusion.
You need to start being brutally honest with yourself on whether you really like her in the first place or not.
You can save yourself a lot of headache there.
That’s it! This is just a small guide. I hope it makes sense.
Do what it takes to attract her. Being nice is not enough. Being yourself is not going to help if you don’t know yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and talk to her.
If you manage to attract her, cool! Then play it cool, be yourself, be honest and hope things work out.
Peace. Please help me share this!
Oh and, a couple of things I feel can help you guys:
Click on any of the above.