How to finally understand women

At the behest of my friend, I shall now attempt to undertake this age-old question all guys are trying to answer.

I can’t say I’ve a perfect understanding of women. Of course I don’t. Nobody does. Nobody is perfect that way and you can’t perfectly understand imperfect creatures. We’re just like that, what with our emotions and all.

I’ve been driven nuts and close to insanity trying to figure out why some of my girlfriends acted like total weirdos. It was frustrating as hell.

Today, I feel a lot more at peace. Yes. Peace is the word.

And I do not require all the answers. I don’t wish to. I just try my best and focus on my own shit.

I speak from personal experience. Obviously, I’m a dude. I’ve my own strong, male opinions and I’ll stick by them. Don’t get offended if I have to stick to some stereotypes.

I must say that also, I speak from the point of view where I watch out for the self, in this case the male more than anything.

Read on.

How do you understand women?

1) Know that first and foremost, it’s not about trying to understand their entire gender

It’s about understanding who you are, what you want and how the romance game is really played.

. Who You Are

This sounds obvious enough, but no, not everybody is clear on who they are. People run around like lost dogs without any kind of clarity deep within.

If you don’t know who you are as a person, forget about trying to fit in life, much less attract a female.

If you don’t know who you are, you will absolutely not have confidence, any self-esteem or balls to approach the female.

If you don’t know who you are, then you’re nothing but an insecure person with a deep void within. And you’d take it out on others, like what bullies everywhere do in a weak attempt to fill that void. This is when guys who fail to get the girl say stupid shit like, “I just don’t understand women! She must be a fucking bitch!”

To put it simply, when you know who you are, then you’ll know what you want in life and in romance.

. What You Want

So we’ll be talking about know what you want in the game of romance here.

Again, it may sound obvious enough here, but guys and girls alike everywhere have no clue on what they want in life, much less knowing the type of people they want to be with.

For whatever reason, mostly stemming from deep insecurities and being a desperate person, people end up with the wrong people. Why do you think there’re so many unhappy marriages out there?

Guys try to date women who obviously show no interest in them, and then they complain women are weird. Conversely, women get attracted to the “bad boy” and then complain that they keep attracting assholes.

Things like that.

As much as some things are simply out of your control, you ought to do your part and be at least clear on what you want before you start dating somebody and end up in a mess.

. How The Romance Game Is Really Played

Attraction is not a choice

I talk about this deeper detail in my Why Women Date Assholes article.

But basically, we don’t get to choose we are attracted to. Emotions are emotions. You can’t help what you feel.

And the honest ones will not deny what they feel.

You then need to use this idea to your advantage. 

Guys and girls out there who understand this are the ones who are able to attract the guy or girl of their choice (not dreams, mind you.) And yes, they’re the ones having fun on dates and not getting so worked up over some silly squabble.

The ones who don’t? They are wondering what the fuck is going on and complaining why the opposite gender is so fucked up.

After attracting her, she only stays because of you

You can use things to attract her, be it pick-up techniques, money, a car or whatever bullshit tactics you have. If it works, it works. No complaints there.

But once the attraction phase is over, whether she stays or not is up to you.

Yes. You.

This is where you need to be honest, nice and of course, be willing to put in the effort to make sure the relationship works.

Anything fucking goes

Look, that’s just romance okay? Anything can go right, and then anything can go wrong. It’s like life. It’s a god damn mystery.

Your girlfriend who seemed like an angel to you all along may end up cheating on you. I should know. I dated a girl from church once and she is honestly one of the most horrible people I know.

The girl you’re dating may just up and disappear into thin air even though you thought everything was going well all along when you guys started dating. I should know. You’ve no idea how many last-minute secret boyfriends or ex-boyfriends she couldn’t get over show up. I was literally stranded and lost. I had no way to get an answer.

Or, she may just be a fucking crazy bitch. You never know.

All of the above scenarios may hurt, a lot. But if you understand and embrace this idea, then, it wouldn’t hurt as much.

That’s pretty much it when it comes to how the romance game really works.

How does this all of this relate to understanding women?

Read on. You’ll see how it all connects to one another.

2) You’re the man, so man the fuck up

Do you know even know yourself well? You don’t? Then who the fuck are you even then? Man the fuck up. Start being honest with yourself and learn shit about yourself first and foremost.

Do you know what kind of women you want to date? You don’t? Then man the fuck up and go ask some women out and start dating already.

Are you abiding by your own standards when it comes to love and romance? You’re not? Then man the fuck up and stick to them.

Why do you need to whine and complain over some small, petty thing? Can you not just man up, fuck it and take it like a man?

The friends I know who are constantly bitching and gossiping about how ugly some girl is or how she’s a bitch because of whatever reason are the same guys who can’t get girls for shit.

They’re absolutely clueless in knowing who they are, what they want and how to talk to women.

Do not be like them.

Read the above again.

Now, do you see that there’re indeed guys who complain about not being able to understand women when they themselves have nothing going on for them?

Why should you give a shit about such people?

Real men take whatever the world throws at them and then pick themselves up to keep improving themselves to move forward.

Little boys whine and complain only.

So the question is this case is not how to understand women.

It’s which one do you want to be? Man or little boy? Aiming to improve no matter what or stagnant and complaining?

3) Women want to be heard and want the reassurance, as we all do

When women ask you to do shit for them, they’re not really asking you to do shit for them.

They’re merely wanting you to want to do said shit for them.

When women start to lament about a certain problem, they’re not, I repeat, not asking for a solution.

They just want you to listen so that they know that you understand where they’re coming from or at least know that you’re there for them.

At this point, if your first reaction is, “What? That’s fucking stupid”, then you don’t get it yet and definitely need the education because you’re using logic and common sense as a tool, which is what guys are inclined to.


Yes. You need to drop logic and common sense if you want to make her happy.

If she’s asking you to do the dishes but you feel like playing video games for just five minutes first, obviously, the logical part in you would say that it’s only five minutes and that the dishes aren’t going to form a culture of mold and shit, and so it’s okay to do it five minutes later.

And she knows that. Duh. Which sane person would think so? She just fucking wants you to show that you you’re keen to help out and validate her view on the importance of washing the dishes right after the meal, for whatever reason that is up to her.

By the way, which sane person would think so indeed? If you’re adamant on arguing on why you should be allowed to wash the dishes five minutes later, I’m sorry to burst your bubble then. You’re the insane one.

If she’s having a bad day and starts to whine about how her boss is an asshole and her feet are tired, the logical part in you may be quick to answer shit like, “Quit your job babe” or “Next time don’t wear heels then.”

And these are correct answers! She knows that too you know! But she doesn’t want any of that. Why would she want answers she already knows? She just wants you to listen. She wants to someone to talk to and to know that her beloved boyfriend gives a shit and not dismiss her with some trite (but true) solution. Bonus points if you’re smart enough to give her a massage at this juncture.

Get my drift?

You can’t use logic or common sense in the attempt to understand women.

Not that you really need to because…

4) There is no perfect understanding, but that is absolutely okay

Look, why do you really need to understand women? Why does it have to be perfect? Why do you see a need to mind control?

If you want to be happy in your relationship, then just aim to do what it takes to make her happy.

If you want to date her and get to know her better, then do what it takes to learn what dating is really about.

As said, man the fuck up. The onus is on you to do what it takes.

Don’t continuously bitch about her. That’d only take you nowhere.

Don’t whine because you were hurt a little. Just move on.

Don’t complain if it’s just a small thing. Just get it over and done with.

Don’t jump to conclusions just because of your ego. That’s just selfish and acting self-entitled. Ever thought that perhaps, you’re the problem? 

Understand the basics of how women, most of them at least function and play it into your personal chemistry.

Heck, I’m personally so sick of squabbles that sometimes I knowingly apologize even though it’s clear that I am in the right. Why? I just want to deescalate the situation. I want us to cool down so we can talk shit out like adults and get too emotional. That is when you say shit you don’t mean and it will escalate from there.

In other words, communicate, but do it without the emotions. That will not help at all.

5) Some people simply defy understanding

Alas, this is true.

Some people are just plain unreasonable and use drama to get their way. Some people are not capable of love, even if they’re family.

These are the people you need to steer clear from and as sad it as it may sound, you’re going to have to break away from them if the relationship is loveless and going nowhere.

I should know.

I’ve seen people I love change for the worse. I could either stick around for comfort and safety, and bank on the slim hope that they’d get better.

Or I could man the fuck up and make uncomfortable choices which I knew would make me happier down the road.

I’ve been choosing the latter. That’s how I make my own choices. I don’t give a fuck about trying to understand toxic people. That is by far one of the biggest time-wasters in the world.

Do you see how then it’s not about trying to understand, but to simply accept what is in front of you so you can move on?

If you don’t understand your girl, lady, girlfriend or even your mom, maybe it’s because you’re not supposed to.

Maybe it’s time for you to end it and move on even.

Then you look forward.

You’ve an entire future ahead where things are purely uncertain anyway.

Why not focus on the ones that will make you happy?

So that’s it! That’s what I think involves understanding women guys.

Learn how romance plays out. Learn that attraction is not a choice. Study and use tools wisely so you know what’s actually going on.

Man up and let go of unnecessary shit. You’re the man after all. Be the beacon of strength she can look up to. If all you do is complain, no one wants to be near you.

Listen to her during the course of your relationship. We’re all emotional and have our own personal way of looking at things. Communicate and understand instead of trying to use logic and common sense.

Lastly, there’s no point in trying to understand people who just don’t plain give a shit about you anymore.

You need not understand then. You just need to let go.

Of course, this is just a guide.

Live and be happy in your relationship. Do what works for you.

Please share this. I’d also love to know your thoughts below.

Support my work here on Patreon!

If you found this helpful, do consider supporting my work here on Patreon! Love ya!

Want More Honest-As-Fuck Stories Like These?

Then Sign up for my free book here to stay in touch with me! 12 Things Happy People Don't Give a Fuck About! Become happy as fuck so you can do shit you love.


We respect your email privacy


  1. Daniel Sullivan - February 19, 2016 12:46 pm

    Excellent article, and this is very well thought out. From what I can remember from the psychology and personal experiences (I’m 36 now), this seems to be spot on. So many times people seek things to fill the void that creates their own personal unhappiness. Others seek to find happiness in other people. The simple reality is that no matter who a person is with or regardless of the type of relationship they seek (friendship, romance, etc), other people can’t make us personally happy. We must find our own happiness, and part of that is not only finding ourselves, and who we are, but also being honest with ourselves from the start. It’s all about balance, and nothing, no medication, no other person, money, herbs, etc will ever take the place of that. If we can’t make ourselves happy, and we can’t find value in ourselves, then how in the heck are we supposed to find any of that elsewhere? The plain and simple truth is that we never can, and we never will. It all starts at home and from within.

  2. Nelu Mbingu - February 23, 2016 8:56 pm

    Oh dear

    We’re a mess aren’t we?



Have your say