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How to deal with a world filled with assholes

Or you could call this, “How to deal with this messed up world”

“How to deal with really screwed up people”

“How do deal with this unfair life”

or “How to stop being so damn pissed with others”.

There’re many variations to it and I plan to tackle them all because I know all of you think the same or at least many times in your life before.

I deal with assholes in this unfair life all the time

“Assholes” being, people whose actions I disagree with, friends who don’t live up to my expectations and “unfair life” being  every time something doesn’t go my way.

Annoying colleagues, noisy neighbours, waiting too long for the bus, dealing with dumb kids, high workload, shit that goes missing (my pen!), rude people.

List goes on!

Basically I’m not pleased. And this post comes in good timing since I’m feeling pretty pissed right now.

The universe is unfair for sure

That’s why all of us go through our own fair set of challenges.

And that’s why sometimes life gets the better of us. We get overwhelmed from time to time, be it from work or relationships with other people.

The (sort of) undeniable fact about it is that there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. Life just keeps going on right? There’re 7 billion people on this planet and you’re going to meet a bunch of them. Not all are going to please you.

We’re told to simply accept it and deal with it, whether we like it or not. Not everything in life can go the way we want it to, 100%.

To try to go against that could mean you’re bordering on being a spoilt brat or that you’re asking for too much…

… right?

Nah man.

Life IS unfair, I acknowledge that. But that doesn’t mean I am not going to lay back and accept it like a dog.

Here’s how to deal with a world filled with assholes or however you want to put it

Before I go into details, here’s a little factor you should take note of:

Every attack is a cry for help

It is isn’t it? I learnt it from a book I read before and also after some major reflection.

You see, when someone comes forth and gives you shit, verbally or physically, it’s actually them crying out, “I’m feeling something inside of me which I do not like. I’ve tried to understand it, but failed. In my confusion and fear, I’ve decided to take it out on others to make myself feel better about it”.

And if they continue crying for help (attacking), it eventually becomes, “I cannot come to terms with what I’ve become. I’ll just continue taking it out on others anyway for the temporary relief. I do not know what else to do“.

Do you now understand why some people cannot even stand to look themselves in the mirror?

Now, it’s really up to you to whether you want to deal with the problems you have in a mature and helpful way, or just take it out on others, which will never work.

Ready?

1) Tell yourself, “I don’t want to be miserable”

I meet assholes and douchebags all the time. I get really upset when friends don’t live up to my expectations. Sometimes I wonder why I get the weird shit in life, like random rude strangers who push past you.

Aggravating yes? But instead of asking myself, “What did I ever do to deserve any of this?”…

… I now say, “I don’t want to be miserable”.

Miserable is…

– Getting pissed over a single comment made by someone.

– Going into a road rage when another driver cuts you off.

– Having thoughts of revenge just because someone looked you in an ugly way.

– Throwing a fit over unexpected rainy weather.

– Forcing yourself to celebrate over a questionable win (You came up with a good comeback over a lame argument. Yay for you).

– Feeling  ultimately guilty for the way you acted.

Every attack is a cry for help… [tweetherder]When someone tries to give you problems, it doesn’t mean he or she has entered your life, it’s just them passing by with their own insecurities. [/tweetherder]

Yes life sucks sometimes, but don’t start attacking others because of it. Whoever is trying to take you down, is ALREADY miserable. There’s really no point adding to their misery. To do so would be giving them the wrong kind of validation they want.

Instead, go make something out of yourself and get better in what you do.

You can do this in two ways:

a) Help them instead. Be the better man. Not something I myself can do often since I’m not that magnanimous.

or b) Just ignore and focus on your life. I do it all the time. Now do you know why when you get bullied or someone is giving you a hard time, your friends or family tell you to ignore (and this looks like they brushed you off)? Because it does help and it’s the perfect solution.

2) You actually aren’t alone

Yeah you aren’t. Knowing that I’m not alone makes me feel better.

Because I know that everyone has their own set of challenges. Everyone feels down, pissed or sad in some point in their lives. I know all of this for certain even though I don’t see it with my own eyes… not that you should want to you know? Watching others cry, be miserable or at their lowest can open your eyes, but not greatly necessary.

When I feel upset or sad, I just remind myself I’m not the only one who has felt this way before. You should too. [tweetherder]You’re not the pioneer of shitty feelings.[/tweetherder]

Also, it’s a good idea to dig deeper and try to understand where the negativity is coming from. When you’re feeling upset or sad because of the actions of others, it doesn’t mean they’ve switched sides and automatically become your enemies. If you think that way, reflect a little because that could be your own insecurities speaking.

E.g. It really annoys me when friends don’t act the way I expect them to, but I don’t lash out at them. It could be misunderstanding altogether and it’d be ridiculous to think that they’ve abandoned me. They’re after all, still my friends.

3) Stop exaggerating

Is the world ENTIRELY filled with assholes?

Is your life ALWAYS unfair?

Are you NEVER going to get better in what you do?

Is EVERYONE around you nothing but dickheads?

This isn’t where I tell you to stop using such negative words due to some new-agey “law of attraction” tripe as it might work against you.

I’m telling you to stop exaggerating now because that’s what you’re doing, overreacting.

Instead, relax first, then brush it all off and look forward.

Remember the good stuff in life.

How about that time where you got a windfall or big-ass reward for no reason? How about that random act of kindness from someone you barely know?

I know that amidst the negativity you’re feeling, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and let it all get the better of you, but don’t.

Look back and remember the good stuff. Be thankful for what you have today. Then look ahead, and be open to opportunities of goodness.

4) Above all, just chill out

Yep.

This is a sign for you, to chill out.

Peace,

Alden

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18 comments

  1. Izzy - December 6, 2012 12:44 am

    What’s up Alden :).

    I’m digging all of these. Three and four stuck out to me in particular.

    I like number 3 because it forces us to take a step back and acknowledge that our problems might not be that big. Of course it’s all relative – but we all have a tendency to act like our issues are the biggest most challenging things in the world.

    The thing that is crazy to me is that often our own problems are beautiful. Take me for example – I recently was dealing with a few visa issues to be able to stay in Japan. Yeah, of course it was challenging. But I was dealing with this because I’m in the pursuit of my dream and that is beautiful :).

    Reply
    • alden - December 11, 2012 1:08 am

      Hey man,

      Awesome man. Our own problems are beautiful? Never heard that before. Sometimes it all feels rather draining though 🙁

      Reply
  2. Afraa - December 6, 2012 12:03 pm

    Alden i love you!!!!

    Reply
    • alden - December 11, 2012 1:08 am

      Thanks love you too.

      Reply
  3. Aditya - December 7, 2012 12:06 pm

    Superb post man, That was really straight-forward! I’m not miserable anymore, thanks to your advice!

    Aditya

    Reply
    • alden - December 11, 2012 1:08 am

      Lol no prob man. Let it all go and flow.

      Reply
  4. Deeps - December 8, 2012 1:24 am

    Aldennnn, manoo, you nailed it again! Nice read. Indeed I an chillllling 🙂 thanks very
    much

    Reply
    • alden - December 11, 2012 1:08 am

      🙂 Peace

      Reply
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  6. Kayvee - January 2, 2013 4:27 pm

    Hi Alden,

    I hope you are doing great…

    Yesterday i read a book that said you can find a gift or lesson in every challenging situation or person in our life

    So ask yourself what gifts those people or situations are meant to give you

    Is it patience?

    Is it detachment?

    Is it tolerance…..or acceptance?

    With a little reflection you will know get the answers

    I also believe in the following statement

    “What you see in others is a refelection of yourself”

    So many times i have noticed that the things that bug me in others, i too have either done it at some point in my life..or that i am capable of it…..

    When i accept those sides of me….the annoying habits of people disappears from my radar…i stop noticing them

    Finally….one of the biggest sources of frustration in our life is the word SHOULD

    It is our concept of how life SHOULD be……how our friends SHOULD behave…..how people SHOULD be…..what people SHOULD know or believe

    The truth is…..people dont know what they dont know

    Most of us are asleep in life and are not aware in many areas of life

    If you come across anyone like that….dont get frustrated….develop compassion for them instead…..even you didnt know everything until someones taught it to you

    By having compassion for unaware people…..we can then set to guide them….it may take awhile….you can change them sometimes with words….but most times through example and actions

    Being a teacher needs alot of patience and compassion

    All the best

    Kayvee

    Reply
    • alden - January 4, 2013 7:03 pm

      Awesome Kayvee thanks for the knowledge drop!

      I love the reflection idea. I think that’s true on some level.

      It may be hard to call it a gift when it affects you badly on an emotional level though.

      But thanks for the perspectives! Great highlight.

      Reply
    • buba - July 9, 2015 3:11 pm

      You have understood everything, you’ve reached wisdom level 3 at least ! Yes, it’s not easy to be the only one thinking how great a teacher I am.

      Let’s educate the masses of unaware people and give them our condescending compassion while flattering our egos.

      Reply
  7. Chris - May 16, 2013 5:12 pm

    Great article, but how do you deal with the person who is so arrogant, they think that they can order you around? Or what about somebody like Brock Lesnar, who is not merely playing a character but actually is that arrogant in real life, and you had BETTER do as he says if you don’t want to be in the hospital. When such a person threatens you, how can you walk away feeling dignified, rather that feeling like you walked away with your tail between your legs?

    Reply
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  10. Steve - February 9, 2015 3:33 pm

    New this site, but thanks for your article. Refocusing our energy to something constructive helps a great deal. I’d say I live in a world of assholes, but it’s probably an exaggeration…

    Reply
    • alden - February 10, 2015 7:29 am

      For sure!

      Reply
      • buba - July 9, 2015 3:23 pm

        Well, nice reflection and interesting article.

        However, even though you would feel absolutely in harmony with yourself, the world is still full of assholes.
        Examples today: the EU parliament has voted yes to the TTIP (trade agreement) that will destroy even more our planet, open the door to even more deregulation and give limitless power to corporations (as if the didn’t have too much of it already). Thanks to a largely corrupted political class that we can easily identify as assholes as they take bribes from big corporations for voting yes.

        ISIS: how many people decapitated today ? How many children and women assassinated?
        Saudi Arabia, talking about USA subsidized assholes, how many civilians have they killed already i Yemen?
        The CIA, how many assassinations, government toppled, elected representatives eliminated, and support for fascist regimes?
        The NSA, are they registering what we write as we do it?
        Obama, the puppet of big businesses and finance, pushing for the TTIP, invading Ukraine, arming terrorist in Syria, bombing Libya so that more terrorist can emerge there and more refugees can invade Europe, trying the same in Venezuela and Macedonia, trying to initiate world war 3 with Russia…
        Monsanto, the total destruction of our planet, Bechtel, Halliburton, the oil cartels, the corporatocracy and the assholes who push for global empire…

        And all the assholes doing their dirty work for them, that is mostly us…

        As you see, I could feel good in my shoes and still be living in a world more and more full of assholes. One day or another, you have to take them down otherwise it won’t get better

        Reply

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