You know for the brunt of my young adult life, when I just hit 21, I was a punching bag to girls. Well, at least to my first couple of girlfriends.
I took up the Nice-Guy role all the time. As a result, girls walked all over me.
I was treated like shit. I forgave too easily. I hid my anger towards disturbing issues and it tore me up inside. When my ex-girlfriends started being unreasonable and threw insults in my face, I didn’t say a thing.
I even openly cried to my past girlfriends A LOT (not that I think there’s anything wrong with crying, but I actually thought that it was good to keep crying in order to show what a nice guy I was).
Of course, all that Nice-Guy stuff didn’t pan out as the relationships didn’t work out in the end. And yep, I cried even more after that.
Looking back, I was a far cry from the man I am today. I’m not one to regret much in life. In fact, I’m thankful for those experiences. But damn I just got to say, “Alden, you were a real pussy”.
And I should have been more open to being more than just a “nice guy”.
My personal journey of picking up girls
First, I read The Game. It was probably what made this whole Pickup Artists (PUA) trend so popular.
I did try out the approaching techniques (sarging, kino and stuff) and managed to score a couple of phone numbers on my own. It was scary as hell, but it was experimentation.
It was also kind of lame as it was super obvious I belonged in that, “He just read The Game and now thinks he’s the shit” bunch of guys. Haha good times.
But what intrigued most was the aspects of “Inner Game”.
In Inner Game you explore the psychology of approaching a girl. Along with that, you go deep within yourself and dig up the aspects of the self that ultimately become the driving force towards approaching girls.
Sounds complicated? It’s basically bettering yourself as a person to gain more confidence and break out of fears to experiment.
And it can extend over to other areas in your life.
It definitely did for me.
As I studied more, it showed me how much confidence I have within myself, all from just being me. Learning the insights of human psychology and behaviour also gave me new perspectives on how I can deal with different kind of challenges in my life. While I did not randomly approach girls on the street (didn’t want to anyway, I gained enough confidence to know I could take it easy), learning about inner game helped me break out of my comfort zone to do what I want, what I love everyday and of course, never to let anyone else drag me down again.
About the PUAs…
Still here? Good.
Now, as much as how this “art form” is sleazy because it supposedly objectifies women and make men desperate, there’s actually a lot of good in it.
The PUAs get what they want in life. They work hard. They test and experiment. They care not for what others think of them. They break out of fear and most of all, are willing to get out of their comfort zones and make changes in their lives.
The amount of study, research and application in their lifestyles is nothing short of admirable.
The road to learning how to pick up girls go hand in hand with self-improvement.
It may not be your dream to be the next hot dude who attract women like a rock star, but should you open up a little, you’ll be surprised how much your own life can change for the better if you take on this path.
How picking up girls can help you achieve your dreams: The essentials
1. Study and research. PUAs spend a lot of time reading up on the different psychologies behind the approach of a girl. Whether it’s human psychology, body language or subliminal inner confidence, they all took the time to study.
It’s all about planning, goal-setting and having a vision. It may sound simple, but there are a lot of people who forget about this and end up feeling lost and unmotivated. I personally think setting tiny goal in life while spending a lot of time reading, just reading, can give you immense knowledge. And with knowledge, comes more confidence to literally face the world.
I love to read. Reading gives me more knowledge which in turn more confidence in life. When I read up on inner game and studied the different aspects of psychology, I started seeing things in a different light. With this enlightenment I knew I could break out of norms and go for what I wanted instead.
Yes, reading is friggin awesome. Go to your local library now.
2.Taking action with experimentation. What do PUAs do? They take action.
They approach girls. They pick up women at bars. It may sound sleazy… But that’s action being taken nonetheless.
“Knowledge isn’t power. Application is” – Tao of Badass
And this is what you call lifestyle experiments. Experimentation allows you get out of your comfort zone. It’s not going to feel great (like approaching a girl for the first time), but it shouldn’t be. But it’s outside your comfort zone where you’d grow the most and the fastest. Then you rise up as a winner.
Experimentation is all about trying something new despite how crazy it might seem. I did it. It felt crazy at that time. It even felt worse when I got rejected not once, but a few times.
Do I regret it? No. With every experiment comes a new result to better myself. And with more results, comes an extremely fulfilled life.
Remember, no matter how much talent or how much of a “natural” you supposedly are, it’s all useless without taking action through hard work and experimentation.
3. Gaining resilience. PUAs go against the fear of approaching women (Approach Anxiety, something every dude suffers from).
They crash and burn, or even get embarrassed. But they pick themselves up, and try again.
As with life, whatever it is you set out to do, you will fail a ton of times. Things don’t always go the way you want, and it’s always up to you to keep pushing forward even when the future seems bleak.
When you reach the point of actually having to choose not to give up, it’s going to feel like shit.
The question is, are you brave enough to continue? Are you willing to keep trying without giving up?
That’s one of life’s simple formulae: YES, you should continue.
Yet, not many are willing to even try. And it’s the sleazy loser asshole douchebag PUA dudes who get what they want.
4. Confidence and fearlessness. With study, action, experimentation and resilience, you WILL gain more confidence.
That’s a foolproof concept, but again, not many are willing to try.
Everybody wants confidence to break out of their fears and do things they want, but only a few bother to take action.
I don’t think people are born with confidence. Whoever seems like a “natural” to you is most likely like that because of his or her upbringing and conditioning.
Learn more, do more, learn more again.
That’s all to it. Forget about wishing you were a “natural”. Keep doing your thing, and then let confidence seep in naturally instead.
5. One fulfilled life. Sleazy PUA guy only likes to party and pick up chicks.
He has a truckload of studying material and he seems obsessed with the lifestyle.
His friends and those around him criticize and talk shit about him.
Yet… it’s the PUA who gets exactly what he wants in life. The ladies.
And isn’t that what life is arguably about? Getting what you want?
So, do you waste your time on needless things like focusing on others’ lives when you can be going for what you want instead?
Or are you afraid to.
The gap between girls and your dreams
Do you think it’s ridiculous to think that girls and your dreams are co-related?
It’s okay. I know it’s a far out concept. This is my objective take on it all.
The thing is, speaking from personal experience, the game of approaching women serves as a strong medium that can help you and everything that needs fixing within to do whatever you want in life.
Studying the approach is easy today with the many different kinds of courses and programs around. Learning about the approach was just scratching the surface When you dive deep into the psychology of it all, you’d discover new things about life and even yourself.
E.g. People wonder nice girls always end up with “bad boys”. These bad boys may lack good qualities, but they know how to cover it all up with a strong persona and tower over the nice guys who appear weak. Do you see how important presentation is in life?
Approaching women is a tool (The approach itself mind you. Women aren’t tools) which I think any guy can easily get into and yep, experimentation is available for you anywhere as long as you get out of the house.
The five essentials above will definitely pour into other areas of your life if you’d just try and experiment. Think it’s just about studying the approach? PUAs study other aspects like fitness, body language, the human psyche and social dynamics, all of which apply to life. These are just examples, but allow things to come into your life and pretty soon you’d be doing whatever it is you want and even hitting your dream.
That being said, there’s a reason why a lot of these PUA courses and programs have the likes of successful CEOs, all-rounded nice guys, fitness coaches and even models going for them. Dreams go unfulfilled all the time by many people and leaving gaps all around isn’t the way to go.
The bottom line: If you want something, you ought to go out all for it. No holding back.
Oh, and yeah, it’s pretty damn fun too. That’s one cool way of achieving (5): One fulfilled life. Just having fun.
Never let a hot girl, or anyone drag you down
This is the more important point I want to drive across.
When I was in my first few relationships, I was pretty damn unhappy all the time.
My happiness was based off my girlfriends and well, it was a really tough ride thanks to them being unreasonable most of the time.
The thing is, your happiness should never be based on someone else. It should be all you!
Ever met those guys who are so in love with some girl that her actions judges the guy’s mood? She replies a text, he gets so happy. She takes a long time to reply, he gets sad. The worst part is they think it’s only normal to feel that way.
These guys aren’t in love. They are obsessed. I was obsessed in making sure the relationship went well. And I blindly obeyed my girlfriends which was totally wrong.
PUAs have confidence because they know they get what they want in life ON THEIR OWN.
Your dreams, your happiness, your life. You have everything it takes to achieve whatever you want in life.
We need more dudes to start taking action for themselves
Now, I’m no PUA expert. There’re way too many out there.
One of them is Joshua Pellicer from the Tao of Badass (affiliate link). He’s a pretty cool guy who made something for himself. He has a whole story of how he was a loser/nerd at first, but chose to study and experiment until he was successful with women.
Well almost all the PUA instructors out there share the same zero-to-hero story, but he’s legit and at least presents himself well.
I managed to snag a full copy and managed to go through the whole library.
The main eBook that talks about the approach and psychology of women and social dynamics are not bad. Tao of Badass has a system, which is great and easy to understand. Personally, The Game and other instructors have their own similar systems though.
But what I like most are the bonuses Joshua offers. There’re a TON of it and it really surprised me.
Besides normal approaches, the bonuses include detailed studies and technique in different areas, including: getting your ex back, how to text a girl, how to escape the friendzone, how to perform in bed, body language mastery and even how to get fit and get abs.
It’s pretty much the whole package if you ask me. There’s also a community of dudes inside if you want to make like-minded friends.
There’s just way more to life than girls
Not trying to be contradictory here, but it’s true. That’s not to say you should forget about girls forever and be single (especially if you actually want them).
It’s about realizing you have it within to go for it any time you want. You just got to work for it.
I changed myself and it wasn’t that hard. Do it for yourself. Take action.
To the ladies reading this: Please don’t get offended. I’ll never objectify women. I’m just trying to offer another perspective to guys in need. Hope y’all understand.
And: Yes, the above are affiliate links. I’ll get commissions if you buy them here and it’s at no extra cost to you. It’s up to you, but thanks anyway if you choose to check them out.