Hey! Check out this new life hack I discovered! It’s called: Fuck your stupid life hacks

A long time ago, I spotted a friend drinking black coffee at like 6PM.

I asked him why he was drinking that and he enthusiastically replied, “Because I read online that black coffee helps you lose weight bro! It speeds up your metabolism!”

This friend of mine does not work out regularly.

He does not eat clean

And he loves drinking beer.

That’s the problem with your life hacks and stuff today:

It makes people think all problems can be solved with a nicely wrapped all-in-one package without having to do the real work.

And like most information from the internet, it makes people that they’re really, really smart when actually, they know oh-so-little.

Now here’s a life hack for you: Fuck your stupid life hacks I say.

Do you really think you can lose weight just because you drink black coffee or green tea or take in some supplement?

Do you really think all your emotional problems can be solved overnight because you just had a meditation session?

Do you really think your productivity for the day is going to rocket sky high just because you slept for 4 hours only through some weird sleep hack brain thing?

Do you really think you’re going to make a ton of money online just because you bought some $7 ebook in which the writer swears that he managed to do so?

Fuck no!

Life is not for hacking. Life is for living!


If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it and be consistent.

And guess what? It includes failure after failure and even more failure.

That’s how you learn.

That’s how you build strength within and become resilient.

That’s how you gain experience and become confidence in yourself.

That’s how you succeed.

You cannot be shielded from failure, otherwise you don’t learn; otherwise you become like these pussy ass millennials who bring their parents to job interviews.

Wanna lose weight? Diet and exercise. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

Wanna get emotionally better? It’s going to be a long-term commitment. Watch your thoughts. Change your lifestyle. Challenge yourself. Eliminate toxic people in your life, to name a few.

Wanna get productive? Then stop procrastinating like a bitch and do the work. Stop with the sleep hack whatevers. Sleep all you want! Don’t fall ill!

Wanna make money online? Set up a legitimate business funnel. Add value and sell something of value.

And it goes on and on.

“Come on Alden, there’re some real life hacks out there like learning how to travel on a budget and even getting free flights!”

Okay. I’ll give you that.

Maybe you even learnt how to make use of a tennis ball or some shit. Whatever.


Tennis ball life hack! Whoa!

But you can’t rely on life hacks all the time.

That’s how you become spoiled, and complacent.

If something doesn’t go your way, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world.

If the life hack itself is not something you even enjoy doing, then just do it your own way instead.

If something goes against what you just read on the internet, maybe, JUST maybe, the internet was wrong, okay? You can form your own opinions!

If you fucked up and made a mistake, it could have happened for a reason and it’s probably bound to make you the person you’re destined to be.

And you know what?

Even if you didn’t use any life hacks, I think you’d do just fine too.

Even if you don’t know any life hacks today, I bet you can look back and see what awesome things you’ve done your way.

I grew up not knowing what the hell were life hacks. Our parents definitely didn’t need them either.

If they can, why can’t you?

You’re doing fine man.

If you want real advice and not bullshitty lifehacks, click here to join my happy as fuck membership club!

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  1. Alex - October 9, 2016 3:52 am

    A lot of “life hacks” are made for people who are in that top 15-20 % who want to reach the next level. For example resting 1 min between sets at the gym vs. 1 min 30 seconds. If you’re a newbie none of that shit matters.
    We like to make things waay more complicated than things need to be.
    I actually read a blog post about this recently.
    Give it a read. It talks exactly about this phenomenon.

  2. Traci-lee - October 18, 2016 9:34 pm

    Before the computer age hack meant something altogether different. A hack or a hack job, they weren’t anything a person would want to be related to. Of course there are other meanings such as chop, cough, etc. Just thought I’d mention that.

  3. filthyconcertgoer - December 8, 2016 8:56 pm

    Life hacking is for life hacks.


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