When your heroes aren’t real: How a fantasy book mage helped me during my nerdy days



For the first couple of years in high school, I was a huge, textbook nerd.

I played a shit ton of video games on my Playstation.

I studied really hard and excelled in my studies. I did a lot better than most of my friends and that made me somewhat arrogant even.

I hardly ever went out on weekends because I felt anxious even by the thought of socializing with people. I didn’t even know how to take the bus or train to town.

And most of all, I was really, really into Dragonlance.

What’s that? It’s the acclaimed fantasy world that spanned over book fiction and game worlds.

Knights. Dragons. Spells. Fireballs. Elves. Dwarves. Kender (their very own creation) and lots of war.

I read many of the books only. I’m not familiar with the games.I read like over ten of the books, some of which over three times now.

I swear, if a credible and talented director took up the cause, an awesome movie would be made over the Chronicles or Soulforge series. And they will beat Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter movies easily. No questions asked. Well, that is, if it’s not made into some Young Adult bullshit.

I fell in love with a famous character. He’s a mage. His name is Raistlin.

What’s a mage? It’s a job class where one casts spells. Yes, like Harry Potter. They read, study, make magic and never use swords to fight.

Who is Raistlin? He’s a tortured soul and somewhat an asshole.

He had shitty health. He was born weak and nearly died several times as a child.

He was smart and talented in magic, but nobody liked him or trusted him since young.

He willingly betrayed his friends and twin brother, who loved him unconditionally for more power.

He nearly ruled all over existence as he nearly killed (all) the Gods.

But yep. Deep down, he wasn’t a bad person. He was like the “heart of gold” kind.

And I felt like I could relate to him back then.

You’d always fill the gaps of your flaws, hence in your life with anything possible

In my case, it was a fictional person.

I ain’t ashamed to say that.

I guess it was Raistlin who proved that a guy, who lacked every form of traditional, masculine qualities could rise up and become really powerful.

It was him who showed me, that despite not being able to cater to people so that you can get along and be liked, you can still be successful in your own way.

It was through him that I knew someone else was going through the same thing.

Sounds crazy eh? To look up to someone who’s not even real.

I think not.

Everyone’s crazy in their own special way. You might as well make sure you get a fuckload out of it.

Yeah you know. Because like. The world is so shitty sometimes that it’s easy to get lost. There’s too much fucked up and sensationalized news going around.

It’s obvious enough that for the less lucky, family and friends aren’t their best choice for inspiration and love. There’re so many out there who kill despite claiming to love each other. I wasn’t unloved or severely bullied back then, but with my gamer cum studious bookworm life, I certainly couldn’t relate to those around me. Oh, and I fucking hated sports. I was an easy target for teasing.

And of course, everyone is listening too much to others. We’re trying to meet others’ expectations and not our own. We work hard and study hard to chase a supposed black hole of happiness, only to be torn up inside when we realize money, fame, status, cars and shit don’t make us happy.

But hey, this is not another tirade on living on your own terms.

I think you should look up to whoever the hell you want 

Even if it makes you seem crazy.

We all need help every now and then. We’re only human and we only have each other.

So what happens if you can’t find anyone in life?

You dive into your own world. You keep going in.

You study the fictional heroes that don’t exist. That’s okay! Because these heroes were created by real people after all. They’re extended visions coming to life from what wants and needs to be said from the heart.

That is why Harry Potter is so inspiring. He’s not just some wand-wielding kid who defeats evil. He’s an inspiration to kids everywhere who feel awkward and want to get out of each and every one of their own funny closets.

Think Brad Pitt in Fight Club is all about physical fights and a nice bod? No. Tyler Durden represents the voice of rebellion and unseen happiness in society.

And every now and then, life fails you. People betray you. Friends disappoint. Your family breaks down. The rat race gets too tiring.

You know it’s true.

But of course, sooner or later and every once in a while, you have to get out of whatever world you want to be in and start living in the real world.

That’s tough, but it’s the only way to become great and inspiring.

(Let me just slot this in now: For the sake of argument, you can’t fully look up to perfectly dramatic and realistic fictional characters. Please don’t read this article and start emulating Grand Theft Auto. I will not be held responsible.)

So get into your worlds. Indulge in some kind of art, even if it’s not yours.

Then create your own world and inspire the shit out of the rest of the world.

That is how I created this blog.

P.S. There was a dude in in school back then who made fun of me while I was reading a copy of Dragonlance in class.

Last year, I bumped into him in my flight to Thailand. He was the steward. It was cool. Nothing dramatic happened. But funny how life turns out eh? I’m not the working class citizen who’s bound by rules and shit.

Subscribe below if you want to well, look up to me. I’ll help.


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1 comment

  1. Josephine - January 1, 2015 3:50 pm

    Hi Alden


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