“He started it”, the classic, immediate response when a child knows he’s fucked. That’s when the parents steps in mid-fight. Ultimately, everyone gets punished, regardless of who really started it.
It’s sad because, sometimes, the child is telling the truth. The child did nothing at all. He didn’t start it. The other one did. But nobody is listening. Punishment ensues anyway. And then lessons on manning up, taking it in one’s stride and “stop being a baby” are handed down.
Do they help? Maybe. Maybe not. But what we don’t realize is that it’s prevalent in adulthood too.
People, including your friends like drama and gossip. It’s a distraction from their own show. That is why they don’t care if you started it first or not, be it whoever said something mean first to provoke or who acted like an asshole in the office from day one.
Maybe we are all just kids then. Whatever time or age it is, a tiny ounce of justice should be taught at least. Sensitivity is needed, or it will fester.
Maybe too though, the friends and family who do not care that they started it first aren’t really capable of love and are not meant to be in your life.