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You need to go “all in” when finding the right people in life

When it comes to leading a happy life, people would be quick to teach you to surround yourself with positive people.

When it comes to business, especially an online one, people would be quick to teach you to define your audience and adding to that, to “find your tribe”.

They’re fundamental for your success and happiness.

And I totally agree.

But we all get this simple idea wrong!

It’s mostly due to a bunch of reasons, or as I like to call them, excuses.

My personal journey of trying to find the right people

I’m sure everyone has this journey.

It’s more so important for me as a blogger as I need to network and find the right people.

Ahh, network, that business-y word.

For most people, network is about connecting with people, either successful people or the up-and-comers so your business can benefit from them.

And this made me tired as fuck, as so much so I sent an angry email to my list and have developed a bad taste for successful people.

Yes, let this be known, I totally cannot stand talking to successful entrepreneurs any more. On my part, I lacked so much self-confidence that I believed everything a successful person told me.

So imagine the confusion I had when more than 5 people told me their methods which they swear by.

The problem was making up excuses and not going “all in”

Something I believe a lot of people fall prey to.

When you don’t go “all in”, you make up excuses.

Examples:

At social gatherings: There’s this guy you hate. The mere sight of him disgusts you. But you turn up for the gathering anyway because of a half-hearted obligation (weddings, birthdays) and you don’t want to come across as petty to others. You end up fulfilling the obligation, but spend a few hours of a bitter sweet disgust in you as you have to be in the presence of that guy you dislike.

In business:ย You meet a highly successful blogger, or entrepreneur. He has a huge list and database. He’s rolling in the money and has proven himself. But he’s a jerk. In your chats with him, he puts you down and always boasts about his success without you asking. It’s annoying as hell, but you deal with it anyway for the little hope of being able to work with him.

Sounds familiar?

I’ve been there and done that. It was extremely tiring and led me to nowhere. I reaped zero benefits in business too.

Because it’s entirely useless. You have to go “all in”.

No more excuses.

Hanging out with a positive person doesn’t mean looking up to someone and believing everything they say.

Finding your tribe or networking isn’t about trying to reap a benefit only.

They CAN work, but it can get super tiring.

Go All In.

Hang out with people who you can exchange fucking high-fives non-stop and tell inside jokes over beer.

Don’t find a tribe. Be your awesome self. Get that awesomeness out there. Let people hear of you and wait for them to come to you.

You all speak the same language.

You all have the same beliefs.

Everyone instantly feels at ease in each others’ presence.

Nobody force feeds each other bullshit.

There is only respect.

It’s 100% all in.

That’s why being yourself is so important

And don’t you forget it.

I forgot about it for the longest time. Sure I learnt a lot along the way, but something was not right within. That conflict inside felt so bad.

Which is why now I focus a lot more on what I’m good at, writing.

I write way more now and it even attracted the best, like-minded folks out there. Check out Erika Napoletano of Redhead Writing. She invited me to write over there: How to deal with negativity, assholes and discouragement

I’ve unsubscribed from a ton of newsletters and stopped reading a bunch of blogs. I only read those who speak like me, namely Julien Smith, the Middle Finger Project, Pursuit of Everything and Post Masculine.

I’m also in the process of culling my Facebook friends list. I’m deleting unknown people like a machine now. (If you want to get off my friends list, post a disturbing video depicting blood and gore. I’ll definitely delete you).

I stopped going for social gatherings entirely if it’s only based on an obligation.

It’s 100%.

It’s all in.

Life’s too short to half ass it. Are you going all in? Let me know in the comments.

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19 comments

  1. Dipak Amin - April 15, 2013 10:12 am

    You’re right – just being yourself in itself will reward you instantly – not wasting energy and trying to please everyone at your expense – will bear this in mind more often ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  2. Dipak Amin - April 15, 2013 10:16 am

    “Iโ€™ll tell you what itโ€™s time to do right now. Itโ€™s time to set your schedule in order so that you donโ€™t look back on the day of your death and wonder why you never really lived. Itโ€™s time to ignore the opinions of those who think your life should be all about their cause, their rules, their agenda, and not your soulโ€™s desire. Itโ€™s time to stop flagellating and start dancing”.
    – Martha Beck

    Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:37 am

      Love the last part :).

      Reply
  3. Warren - April 15, 2013 1:31 pm

    You’re totally right, gotta go in 100% to get good results in life ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the awesome post ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:36 am

      Np. Life is too short to half ass anything.

      Reply
  4. Jean Buschke - April 15, 2013 2:25 pm

    I always believe you see what you see when you need it! Thanks for this today. Pardon me now…I am going all in ๐Ÿ™‚ and need to get crackin’

    Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:36 am

      Go for it. All in!

      Reply
  5. Erika Napoletano (@RedheadWriting) - April 15, 2013 2:48 pm

    It was my pleasure to have you on the blog, Alden ๐Ÿ™‚ My audience digs you. Somehow, I knew they would!

    Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:36 am

      Thanks so much Erika. Your email to me last month couldn’t have been more timely. Fuck, fuckitty, fuck, fuck, fuck eh?

      Reply
  6. Lee Stevens - April 15, 2013 4:36 pm

    Alden,

    You are absolutely right about listening to others.

    It infuriates me when I read people ( I used to respect) blogging about what YOU need to do and why YOU need to do it. How do they know you?

    It sort of feels like a Blogging Mafia has formed! And all of them wanna collect on you.

    The scary thing, is that some of my posts, I feel like I am guity of doing the same.

    And you know what?

    When you ask the question in your mind “So what the f**k did you do”, The final chapter in all of their books is always. “I Started a blog, wrote a book and earned a sh*t loads of money!!”

    Of course you did!

    Keep up the good work and keeping true to yourself mate. Its really refreshing hearing about what you love doing.

    Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:35 am

      It happens. Teachers are always willing to teach what they can to help others, out of goodwill or pure profit, it doesn’t matter.

      Cause what they teach at the end of the day is, “This is what I did for me, according to me”.

      They’re concepts, theories and tactics that can match real unique, human experience which you need to let your business make it.

      Rule of thumb: If what they teach sounds too good to be true, then it’s mostly garbage.

      Reply
  7. Rebecca G. - April 15, 2013 4:45 pm

    WOW. I’ve been going through this VERY thing! I’ve wiped quite a few off of my Facebook page and still wiping…the insincere, the stalkers, gossip-mongers, negative, smiling while undermning persnalities, etc. I’d been wanting to do this for YEARS and yet found myself AFRAID to do it! Finally, that part of me that feels like hell when I betray myself was done. I have to see some of these people still, so I found myself saying I no longer had a page at all to fend them off. You know what? This isn’t junior-high, I’m a grown woman and free to do WHAT I choose with my life and WHOM I allow in it and associate with. No explanations needed. As for hanging out in places where the negative entities are? Yeah…guilty…but not any more! Thank you for affirming what I’ve been doing, working on, am working on, etc. Life IS too short!

    Reply
    • Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca - April 16, 2013 12:31 am

      Love this story, Rebecca — good for you!

      I also love that you used “whom” instead of “who” ๐Ÿ™‚ lol.

      Reply
    • alden - April 16, 2013 12:32 am

      Good on ya. It’s just Facebook anyway. It can be a burden if you let it be. Arguing on social media is retarded. Arguing about social in person is equally dumb.

      Reply
  8. Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca - April 16, 2013 12:29 am

    [grin] Glad to hear you’re reppin’ stuff I’ve been saying as well (http://ryzeonline.com/who-you-are/) — like minds, bro ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  9. Frida - April 16, 2013 5:14 am

    Thank you Alden for this awesome insight.

    Reply
  10. Pingback: Getting real with passion and how to fully utilize it | Alden Tan

  11. Barbara Charles - April 19, 2013 3:58 pm

    Staying positive is the way to go. Lifts the spirits of all involved. Good job.
    Barbara

    Reply

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