First ever “hate” mail I got… but hey I ain’t pissed!

Hey guys,

About a month ago I received a reply from a reader who subscribed to my “How to not give a fuck” course.

If you aren’t in the know, the course is a free series of emails which I send over a week, all of which are stories to help you get over caring about what others think.

Now in one of the emails, titled, “How my own dad’s death made me something huge!” I talk about my own personal story of my father’s passing and how it made me realize life is short.

This was the reply I got from the reader:

“Yeh? Well my dad died when i was 17 and now im 24. Yeh I saw his corpse on the bed, and the stains on the carpet from the EMT fucking up. At that point in my life I wasnt angry enough. Now I realize what life is and how I need to sustain myself and stand up for my soul. I know now that I am protected , and I have no other siblings to shelter me the way you have. So if you want me to feel bad, or feel awe, it already happened. I know when to create crisis into opportunity. But please dont try to make me feel bad for you, it gets so annoying hearing everyone play the victim..”

And you know something? I read that when I was kind of drunk. And even amidst the buzz in my head I felt the shock, like ,”What the fuck did I just read?”

I don’t even know what’s EMT.

But I decided to sleep it off first.

It’s been about a month now and I decided to finally address this email.

This email got me thinking for a long while. I’m not really sure what to make of it too. Was she belittling my father? Is she trying to give me tough love? Was she just mad?

Whatever it is, I did not reply the email at all. I didn’t want to be all cliché and “diplomatically” reply her in a nice way when I felt her reply was kind of harsh or well, get pissed myself.

So a blog post it is.

This is THE blog post for all, and for everyone to go beyond being pissed and retorting to criticism

1) I’m not mad at her

Even though she accused me of trying to get her to feel bad for me or that I was out to play the victim (and get sympathy and shit).

To me, EVERY attack is a cry for help.

When someone is acting like a dick, being unreasonable, making unnecessary remarks and stuff, it’s a cry for help. So don’t get mad or anything. That’s just their reflection of some underlying insecurity.

2) Make no judgement 

So don’t judge. Anyone in any way.

If they’ve an underlying insecurity or issue that has them acting like completely tards, let it be. They’re probably suffering deep down or just went through some really bad shit that you yourself would otherwise empathize.

I didn’t make any judgement of this reader. She already said she saw her father go. If that’s her own way of dealing with it, so be it. Everyone has their own path to enlightenment.

At the very least for yourself, even if you don’t judge, and that person still annoys you, don’t bother wasting your time retaliating. Just ignore or walk away.

3) She did make some good points

“stand up for my soul” , “create crisis into opportunity”

Nicely said actually.

Your soul man. Your life and everything. If you aren’t taking care of it now and today, when are you going to? Both her and I lost our dads to realize that of all things, sometimes it’s very okay to watch out for ourselves more than anything, as I wrote about before here.

And you DO NOT NEED to go through what we did to realize that!

And can you create crisis into opportunity? Do you know that failure can be your  best ally? Do you want to see the silver lining and make a positive spin out of even the baddest shit ever?

Do you see how I’m not mad at this email?

Enough messages…

Have you guys ever received such an email or some message that got you upset? It ain’t all that bad sometimes…

Look deeper. If anything, getting pissed over everything and thinking that you’re right all the time doesn’t really make for a peaceful life.

Really, you’ll just feel stressful, a lot.

You don’t have to be right. You just have to have your own truth.


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  1. Cam - September 6, 2012 11:15 pm

    Great post! I remember the first time I got hate mail. It was a bit of a kick in the stomach but taking time to process what it really meant was key – that’s a great tip.

    “You don’t have to be right. You just have to have your own truth.”

    Couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂

    • alden - September 7, 2012 8:16 am

      Thanks Cam!

      I know right. On some level at least she was trying to bring across a point, albeit in a bitter way. If it was just pure hate and nonsense flaming, then fuck’em.

  2. Amberr Meadows - September 7, 2012 6:26 am

    I feel sorry for him in his bitterness I’ve lost every influential woman in my life and never knew my real father, but I am okay. I guess some people cope differently…or not at all.

    • alden - September 7, 2012 8:17 am

      Hey Amberr,

      Thanks for sharing! I’m sorry to hear that, must be tough! But great that you’re still strong!

      Indeed, some people cope differently. Well I can only wish the best for them. Everyone has their own time.


    • Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca - September 8, 2012 3:05 pm

      Oh come now, there’s plenty of influential chick bloggers I bet you’re close too 😛

      • alden - September 8, 2012 9:16 pm

        Haha were you addressing her?

        • JasonRyze - September 10, 2012 2:49 pm

          Yep, me and Amberr go way back 😉

  3. John - September 7, 2012 4:46 pm

    I think you hit it dead on with point #1. “That’s just their reflection.” I’ve often found that these outbursts aren’t attacks on me or the one on the receiving end, but are really an outburst from some inner pain. This has also helped me with resolution conflict.

    • alden - September 7, 2012 9:24 pm

      I know John 🙂

      If anything it’s better than to take it personally and get upset over it all.

      You could see it as an opportunity to help too 🙂

  4. Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca - September 8, 2012 3:04 pm

    Couldn’t have said it better, Alden.

    Amen bro.

    You could prolly teach me something here, I aim for this kind of calm, acceptance, non-judgment and stability.

    Respect 🙂

    • alden - September 8, 2012 9:18 pm

      Haha do you now?

      Well maybe you could a little 😛

      Personally, I just think of the personal shit I’ve been through, the unknown, deepest stuff ever that only I can understand in this world, stuff which I have NOT talked to anyone about before and how it made me the person I’m today.

      And I believe everyone has that special thing they don’t talk about.

      So I just let them be and (try to) assume they need time and space for their own path to enlightenment.

      But yeah if they get in my face and totally super annoying they can just go fuck themselves 😛

      • JasonRyze - September 10, 2012 2:50 pm

        Can definitely learn from everyone 🙂

        And I hear ya man, that’s the stuff that really moves people 😉

        A good attitude, “let ’em be” 😀

        • alden - September 15, 2012 7:19 am

          For real. There’s a whole psychology behind to why people act like dicks anyway.


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