Cause I did.

So check it: 

That’s me downing beer, eating chips right in Bangkok.

Those are me and my fellow Thai Bboy friends.

And of course, me and my girl.

All taken at a local Bboy jam over there. It was a complete impromptu move as my friends and I took part in a battle last minute. We qualified to top 16 out of I think 50+ crews.

Then we lost the first round after that.

It was a blast of course.

I mean, beer, Bangkok, battle and my girl cheering me on all the way, what more can you ask for in life?

The anatomy of a Best Day Ever

Now you know what… this just ain’t about major positivity and living life to the fullest. Yeah I was happy as shit during that very day. It was all joy and the atmosphere was bustling with excitement.

I actually want to break down having a best day ever. There’s a psychology to it. Let’s get on to it:

1) It’s based on passion

Yes. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Keep doing it. Its rewards will explode in your face one day.

2) At one point you need to step your shit up and just do it

It means getting out of your comfort zone, feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Push me back a couple of years and I wouldn’t have dared to battle at all. I’d have been a nervous wreck, thinking I’d pull the rest of my team down.

But after forcing myself to join competitions over the past couple of years, it’s a lot easier now.

And after you step it up and just do it, the feeling is just amazing. It’s scary, but worth it.

Your best day ever comes from accomplishment and pushing yourself.

3) You need to have fun

You got to just relax, stop worrying so much, stop caring about what others think about you and be yourself.

You just got to keep having fun.

It shouldn’t have to be a “need”, but some of us got to remember that.

4) You need to actually realize you had your best day ever

Cause a lot of us are so caught up in life that we forget about good stuff.

We worry about work, money, career, other people, what others think and so on.

We let the stress, nerves and anxiety get the better of us, so much so that we even forget to breathe and take in life.

We let the bad stuff overwhelm us that we’re blinded to the good stuff, in turn forgetting how important and meaningful they are.

Yo… I can tell all of you this now, for sure:

It’s been a long, wild ride for me and this blog. It has been a struggle at many times in fact. Learning everything on my own and failing many times has changed me inside out as I get disappointed, beaten down and demoralized constantly.

Sometimes I even wonder why I do what I do.

But hey… if I didn’t start this, I wouldn’t have my girlfriend whom I love with all my heart now and also taken part in this battle.

It’s all worth it.

Experience is the currency of life. And you save them in memories.

Sometimes… you really need to just chill out, relax, take a breather and realize you did have a good day, even your best one ever.

Sometimes, your life is already that good, but you just don’t see it.

I hope you can soon. I know you can. I wish you all the best.

Here’s the battle of me. Try to spot me:

Need help getting out of your comfort zone and stuff for a good life? Get my book, Ready Your Life.

Just wanted to let you in on something…

The cover of Street Smart Social: Become popular the honest way is here!

Yep. If you’re on my list you’d have known about this book coming.

It’s the definitive guide to getting rid of shyness, gaining social confidence and being able to get out there.

All written by me, the guy who used to be a bouncer at a club (hence, met and deal with tons of people, rude ones), the guy who got dumped and rejected by many girls (hence know a thing or two about picking yourself up for people) and yeah, the Bboy who had to muster up his courage to perform in front of others (hence knowing what it’s like to look like a fool in front of many people).

I’m super excited! I put in a lot of effort in this book.

Here’s some feedback about the cover so far:

I sent the cover to my list, looking for opinions. Here are some pointers:

1) The guy looks too douchey and reeks of “PUA”

Well, I personally like the idea of the suit. It portrays confidence. That’s why I chose that to represent the guys.

Maybe he does look like a Pick Up Artist, or not.

It’s a social confidence book that’s going to help eliminate shyness, and I’m pretty sure guys want to learn how to talk to girls.

But no, this isn’t a PUA book. It’s social confidence in general. And what I talk about goes deep. You can then apply it in every part of your life, picking up girls or not.

2) The idea of putting on makeup is superficial and does not portray becoming popular the honest way

True, I’ll give you that.

But you know what? SSS: Become the popular the honest way is a very real, and honest book.

So I talk about ideas of superficiality and hence how judgmental this world is. Like it or not, people around you are always judging you.

I go deep again, as usual. I don’t ever leave out elephants in the room. They want to be noticed!

You’re going to know how to looking good is also being honest to yourself.

3) Pictures of normal looking people having fun and smiling along with friends would be better

Meh.

Not really. Not to me at least.

Sorry, that’s very boring and screams of royalty-free stock photos which big corporate companies use for their lame brochures.

This isn’t a book where I slap together some shit and hope “everybody” likes it. I put a lot of thought in this for you.

So what do you all think? You like the cover? Let me know in the comments.

It’s mostly got to do with the law of attraction, tapping into the universe and stuff.

And when you utilize those ideas properly, you can create your own surroundings and get the life you want.

That’s cool, but I’m going to be a little different here today.

Your thoughts are not you and they do not represent your life.

This is especially useful if you’re constantly stressed out, worried, angry, sad and shit.

Anyone who knows me well can tell I’m an angry guy. I tend to be very uptight sometimes and I can safely say it’s because of the thoughts in my head.

The angry thoughts in my head has seen me beating people up to exact revenge and also landing me in jail, because I’m such a great fighter. Many bones have been broken thanks to me.

The sad thoughts in my head has seen me being the unworthiest person on earth, where I do not deserve any kind of unhappiness due to all the wrong I’ve done.

And doused in creativity, sometimes I’m that angry Jedi who turned into a Sith because he just couldn’t take it anymore. Being good has no rewards and so he decided to fuck it, take out the lightsaber and start slicing shit up.

All of this, have been in my head.

It’s crazy.

So what’s this got to do with your thoughts being you?

I’m saying:

1) These are just thoughts.

2) They’re only in your head.

3) They do not exist in the real world.

4) So for whatever anger, sadness, anxiety and especially guilt that you may be feeling, just relax a little.

The angry person inside you doesn’t exist. You may be feeling pissed, but you’re not the horrible, violent drunk or whatever that finds trouble with people. So don’t blow things out of proportion.

The sad person ridden with guilt within does not make you the worst person in the world and neither does it make you a loser who can’t achieve anything. You need to forgive yourself and move on.

And most of all, your thoughts don’t grant you psychic powers. You need to live in the moment and stop having crazy expectations of things going wrong only.

You know something too? Since these are just PRIVATE thoughts living in your head only, remember that no one else can see them or truly know you for them.

That means you can always start with a clean slate, whenever you want. 

So relax, learn from your mistakes, grow and move on.

If you ask me, the only thing representing you are your actions, cause well, people can see them. Best you do it right in real, practical ways. Get my book. I teach you how.

I’m taking a shot at it.

But I call it the transformational habits, because this is a modern take on it all, so don’t be thinking this is yet another cliche, boring ass post of habits. This is the new shit on the block!

If you read a lot of blogs, you’d see that there’s a trend when it comes to successful bloggers. They all, and I do mean ALL always take part in a bunch of activities, which become a part of their lifestyle.

I am personally fostering some of the habits now. And they actually work, for your mind, body, business and soul.

Check it out.

1) They somehow meditate

Every successful person I read up on meditates.

Be it 30 minutes a day or just a mere 2 minutes, they do it.

And they swear by it. Take up this habit and it’s going to be a game-changer for you and your career.

The wisdom here: You should meditate.

I do it, although I’m trying to do more of it. If anything, you should treat it as a retreat for your mind, to give yourself the space needed before, during and after a hectic day. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be a hectic day. Meditation is mindfulness, and that’s the point of it all, to be aware of who you are as a person.

I honestly don’t feel any game-changing effects from meditations yet, but it definitely makes me feel aware of what I’m feeling. It’s the mindful break needed. It prevents me from going with the flow of my own negative emotions and start being pissed off and shit.

2) They somehow run marathons

Yeah they do.

A lot of successful people aren’t just exercising to keep fit. They’re frigging running marathons.

The wisdom here: Healthy body, healthy mind.

It’s not just about pain and sweat, or even getting a 6 pack.

I think a marathon is some next-level shit. I never ran one before and I don’t intend to, yet.

Preparing for marathons definitely require a lot of discipline and determination. By constantly pushing yourself with your body, it can also improve your mind… and soul. I think a lot of people miss out on the fact that they should work on their physical self to start seeing changes in other areas in their lives.

Healthy body, healthy mind man. That’s cliche, but absolutely works. Go get some exercise. Build some muscle. Run your heart out. Climb a mountain. Whatever. It’s going to make you feel awesome.

3) They somehow take part in the Paleo Diet

I keep reading up on this, and it’s super interesting.

The Paleo Diet goes back in the day man. It’s also known as the caveman diet. Basically, if the caveman couldn’t eat it, you can’t too.

For more info on the Paleo Diet, check out the beginner’s guide by Nerd Fitness here. 

The wisdom here: Stop eating shit for a healthy body, healthy mind.

Same basic thing.

When you exercise and push yourself past the limit, you’d feel good later. But if you eat the right things, you will feel good later too.

And yes, that does wonders for your mind and how you perform in whatever later on.

If anything, the Paleo Diet is now seemingly the popular way to a lean body and even a 6 pack. Check it out if you don’t want to count calories.

4) They somehow read a lot

Successful people read a lot. Bloggers who read a lot shell out the most in-depth articles ever.

I’ve read about people reading a book a week, which is crazy!

The wisdom here: Becoming more confident in life is very simple.

What’s the best way to explore the world without traveling? You read. That’s all to it.

How do you improve your writing and language? You read.

How do you ultimately build your confidence? You read.

It’s really THAT simple.

So keep reading. Start with blogs. It’s easy. Then go to your library. There’s a ton of knowledge there waiting for you.

5) They somehow really love life

Law of attraction, abundance, loving the world, blessing the universe, giving thanks to everything around them and celebrating small wins.

Sound familiar?

Successful people fucking LOVE life, something even I can’t perfectly comprehend.

The wisdom here: Love life, cause there’s the eventual path you’re going to take.

Sounds cheesy eh? But think about it this way:

If you work so hard and try to hard all the time, you’re going to feel tired if not beaten down, especially when you fail. But you’re not giving up. You want to continue. How should you then approach things in a different way?

You go at it with a positive mindset.

Even if you initially don’t believe in all this loving life stuff, like me, you eventually will, cause the other end of the spectrum just doesn’t help, despite you thinking it’s “realistic”. How should you then treat life in a new way that suits you?

You step it up by with the power of intention and realizing you deserve better in life (cause honestly, life isn’t that bad. Your life isn’t that bad).

There’s really only love, if you think about it. I don’t care how much you hate life or how shitty your life currently is. You know you want to be happy. Everyone does.

Start with a new mindset. That’s how you change your current situation.

Anything else I missed out on? 

What other transformational habits do successful people have? Let me know in the comments.

By selfish, I mean following your heart, finding passion and doing things that make you come alive.

By selfish, I mean putting aside the idea of sacrifice once in a while and not giving a crap about those around you.

The #1 reason:

Care for yourself first so you can be happy, and from being happy you can perform better and start caring for those around you in better ways.

Makes sense?

Yeah. You’re allowed to be happy too. Remember that. Those feelings of yours are real, not made up.

This unconventional idea is my book, Ready Your Life.

They’re constantly sticking to old, tired stories.

And I completely agree.

We keep hearing about the same old shit which, while inspiring and meaningful are just super cliché, boring even.

I think most of us are getting smarter as life, society, technology, cultures and ultimately our way of thinking evolve.

All these stories mostly inspire deep into the human psyche in complete no-brainer ways. They work more like reminders.

We need new shit. We need real inspiration which makes people think in a different way altogether. We need stories that inspire so much that it blows people’s minds and make them take action and make a difference in themselves and others around them.

Here’s 5 inspiring stories that need a makeover

The Starfish Story

Summary: About some guy who met another guy at the beach throwing starfish back into the sea. The first guy was like, “Dude, there’s like a million starfish on the shore the fuck you think you doing? Think you making a difference boy?” Second guy was like, “It made a difference to this one”. *Ninja throws another starfish in the sea*.

For the full story go here.

It needs a complete makeover because…

First of all there seems to be zero consistency. Sometimes the starfish thrower is an old man, a young guy or a little girl. Google and you’ll know.

This story has been reiterated many times with the hope of inspiring people. It does make sense, but starfish? Come on.

How about a modern take on the idea of making a difference in someone’s life? There’re many people out there who need help today, like the homeless, the poor, the handicapped or the misunderstood.

A good, inspiring story would show on a little bit goes a long way in the human psyche and how a little bit can go far in terms of changing human emotions. I’d love a story that show how a simple act of kindness snowballs down way into the future, showing the “difference” we want to see.

The Turtle and Hare story

Summary: A turtle and a hare decide to race. The turtle is slow as shit, but the hare is arrogant as fuck. The turtle ends up winning anyway cause the hare was so confident that he fell asleep or something. It therefore goes to show slow and steady wins the race.

For the full story go here.

It needs a complete makeover because…

Kids are way too smart today. They’ve their iPhones, iPads and shit. They aren’t going to care about some turtle and hare or even other animals.

What we need instead is a story that depicts patience in a modern way. We need a story to show kids that, with a little patience, they can definitely expose something within and in turn become passionate, creative and awesome individuals when they grow up. And we need teachers to tell this new story in a way that doesn’t pressurize them so much because we don’t want them to feel useless in school.

Also, we need a story that also focuses on taking pride in who you are and your innate abilities. Like the turtle. It was born slow. But the animal is happy being its natural self.

At the top of my head, a story depicting a poor kid growing up without iPads and shit and turned out to be the inventor of iWhatever would be great.

Zen Fable: The River Crossing

Summary: Click on image below.

If you still want my own summary: Young apprentice monk and his elder monk met some chick at a river. The elder monk carried her across and the young one was like, “Wtf?” because they weren’t allowed to touch females. The elder one then blew his mind as he shot him off with a mind blowing explanation.

It needs a complete makeover because…

Honestly, the first time I heard about this fable a couple of years ago, I was like, “So the older monk is allowed to break rules? What kind of example is he setting?” Is he also teaching you can break the rules as long as you don’t get caught?”.

What is up?

I had a problem with letting go of things, especially when it has got to do with assholes who pissed me off major.

We need a story that’s more personal and empathetic, something that shows letting go of something can be pretty hard sometimes. With that, it would be easy to add to the context of the story of human fallacy.

I do like this fable. The comic is pretty awesome too. It’s simple and straight forward, and makes you think. But, call me a cynical guy, this fable needs to fill up the holes.

Donkey in the well

Summary: Farmer’s donkey fell into a well. Farmer wanted to bury his ass (pun intended) since it was old. But the donkey climbed out of the well eventually when the dirt piled up.

Read the full story here.

It needs a complete makeover because…

Besides the fact that it’s been around forever?

The moral of this story is, “When life throws dirt at you, you shake it off and simply become a better person from there”.

How about a deeper and somewhat darker story of a real person overcoming great odds to rise up better and stronger?

Or better, someone who can gives a true reflection of what a near death experience is like, cause that’s what it seems like to me. There’s a goldmine of inspiration waiting right there.

Also, yeah, animals again. STOP with the animals.

Every damn story of someone who quit his job or got fired

Summary: Somebody reluctantly quits his job or gets laid off and then calls it, “The best thing that ever happened to me” later on.

It needs a complete makeover because…

It’s cliché as fuck.

And it reeks of being unrealistic.

We all want to follow our dreams, but life gets in the way. We’ve our own responsibilities to hold on to. It’s not easy to just let go of them.

We need something more real. We need a story that shows how one can still follow his dreams while not having to take any kind of drastic action just to achieve the former.

Not only will this encourage most people, but also show how ordinary folks can still, at any time, do what they want in life.

The real kinds of stories we need today

You know what’s missing?

We need inspiring, pocket-sized fables/parables/stories of new and worrying issues.

We need to be up to date and start giving hope to people who discourage, getting depressed and even DYING from these real issues.

-We need a story about bullying

Yes we do.

Too many kids today are afraid to go to school just because of a bunch of dumb bullies. Too many kids are imbued with needless fear because of others.

As a result, some kids kill themselves. Fucking sad.

We need a real story of hope that tells victims that it gets better as they grow up. We need to tell them to be strong and not to let bullies run their lives.

We need a story that even speaks for the bully from the other side, showing them how they themselves are innately insecure and repressed due to shitty upbringing by abusive parents. We need a story that describes this cycle of bullying and educate kids on what they should know and feel to get out of it.

As far as I know, this video is the best I’ve seen so far in terms of capturing what a bully is going through. And it’s comedy. Listen, and dig deeper.

- We need a story about attaining Zen for kids

Zen basically means achieving simplicity in this world of chaos.

How about an inspiring story that encourages kids to open up in life as there’s more to life than school, money, career and working extremely hard to get something?

I think it’d be great if kids can be inspired at a young age to start looking within so that they can gain passion, start believing in themselves and realizing there’s more to life.

Heck, if anything, it’d be an awesome story that teaches kids about worldly distraction and how they should, at times stay the hell away from social media.

- We need a story on gender equality

Because women, in some parts of the world are still not treated right.

Like what’s with the news of women getting raped and then being jailed and stoned as if their fault? That shit is messed up.

We need an inspiring, short story that perfectly captures the power of the female gender, and it shouldn’t be just about them getting better jobs and shit, I’m talking about females can think and feel in a special way us guys can’t.

A kid’s version would be great too, teaching the young to respect one another.

- We need a story on sexual equality

A story that wraps up how the content of one’s character doesn’t lie in his or her sexual preference.

We’re moving forward, but a single fable of allowing guys or girls to love one and another and portraying how perfectly normal that is would definitely make waves.

- We need a story on racial equality

Not one that simply shows different races coexisting peacefully together, but a story that emphasizes that at the end of the day, it’s simply skin colour.

This can easily flow into the idea of not being judgemental and that we should always look past one’s outer appearance. Just like how I think if you judge someone for his or her tattoos, you’re a racist.

My personal favourite story:

Below. Much love to Zenpencils for the comics. All credit goes to him. Go check it out and drop him some love. He deserves it.

Like what you see? It’s all about keeping it real in stories.

Check out my book, Ready Your Life if you want some personal development that keeps it real.

That’s every successful person’s favourite line.

If you need help or want to learn something from someone, that’s probably the “best” advice you’re going to get.

And it’s annoying as fuck.

It is to me.

The problem with merely “taking action” is that it misleads.

It misleads people into thinking that you should just keep taking action for the mere sake of it, regardless of whatever the task may be.

Then you think you’re “learning” and “growing” just because you’re taking those steps.

Then you get happy, like “Hey look at me! I”m taking action! Yay! That’s probably good enough for today”.

Meh.

That works, but you may be fooled into thinking you’re progressing well as you think you’re following this adage that all successful do (therefore, you’re on the right track).

You should step that shit up. Are you ready to fucking step it up?!

This is what you should do: Take action with experimentation.

That means getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that make you uncomfortable.

That means trying out new shit, shit you never thought you’d ever do in your life.

That means feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.

That means waking up, telling yourself you wanna do something different today, getting it done and going back to bed reflecting and knowing that you really did something for the day.

Why do any of this?

Because nothing beats gaining clarity through your own emotions. By experimenting, you FEEL like mad. Even if you “fail”, you gain a shit ton of clarity. 

That’s how you really step it up with taking action.

Want more non-traditional wisdom? All in my book. Ready Your life.

I was quite a nerd, geek, loser or whatever you call it back when I was about 14.

I concentrated a lot on my studies because I did terribly in a milestone exam in my first school. I didn’t want to let my parents down again.

During my free time, I played video games. I played the shit out of my Playstation. I owned a ton of games cause bootlegged games were cheap as hell.

That’s all.

For almost a whole year I did not even go out with my friends. I only watched movies with my family. I stayed home on weekends.

I read fantasy novels of the Dragonlance series. I even idolized one of the characters inside. It was a magic-user named Raistlin and I admired how he could live a fruitful life of studying magic in a cool world.

At one point even, I became “that guy”, the one nobody liked. I knew that cause my friends were acting weird and giving me ugly stares in school.

I literally had no social life and my extremely bad sense of fashion reflected that.

Confidence level was low.

What’s in a life?

The “Get a life” line is quite a cliché, aiming towards people with… well no life at all.

Yes, as you can see, I lived the stereotype once, the “nerd” who plays videogames, didn’t go out with friends and of course, had no girlfriend.

It was through lifestyle experiments, backed up with a heart to change for the better that I turned myself around.

The immediate results were getting out of the house more, socializing with people and even getting a girlfriend.

So what’s in a life?

Is it just about transforming from a basement dwelling nerd who relies on his mom (that I did) to the popular jock in school who high fives the whole world?

Not really.

Socializing, heading out, meeting new people and getting a girlfriend are all good, but getting a life entails way more than that.

We’re talking end goals of attaining confidence, self-esteem and most importantly, balance.

Check it:

The definition of getting a life- 

To achieve a sense of balance in one’s own life so that he or she is completely comfortable with who that person in the mirror is.

Again, balance, balance, balance.

For a life you can be proud of.

That being said… typical “tools” like money, nice clothes, new handbags, number of Facebook friends, number of followers on Twitter and Instagram or number of times you go out, don’t matter so much.

But keep in mind, change is require if you want to get a life.

Here’s the complete guide to getting a life

1) Fact you should know: “Life” is what YOU make of it

You be the judge of that.

What you like to do and what you want in life is up to you.

Videogames or beach parties? Your choice.

No one else should dictate your truth.

So amidst your journey of change and getting a life, remember to recognize deep down how you feel. There’s no point feeling shitty all the time while supposedly having a life based on others’ expectations. Dump ideas you don’t care for and stop listening to what others think of you.

2) Take action with lifestyle experiments

Because “take action” alone is one of the most overrated shit ever.

Real change comes from experimentation.

With experimentation comes getting out of your comfort zone and feeling that fear. Then you do it anyway.

Never eaten a meal alone before? Do it.

Never asked a girl out before? Do it.

Feeling left out since you’re new to the group? Hang in there.

Feel the fear, get uncomfortable and do something different.

You got to try it. If you’re the one who feels you need a change, then you ought to be stepping it up.

3) Get off social media

Seriously, please do.

Internet and social media make things too easy and convenient for us. You may not know it, but your mind is rotting as it is from too much of it.

This video explains it all.

Stop reading. Watch it first. Seriously.

There’re better ways to connect with others, namely, physically and emotionally.

Just open up a little. You don’t have to transform into a hippie. There’s just a life waiting for you out there.

4) Get out of the house

Indoor person, outdoor person, introvert or extrovert, whatever.

Everybody needs to get out of the house. Don’t be cooped up in a single room all day. It ain’t good.

Your eyes and body alone will be given a treat when you do so. Even a simple 10-minute walk can help.

This is called giving yourself the space for your mind. And it’s absolutely needed.

I don’t believe anyone loves stay in 100% all the time. Even if they claim they do, they’re lying and realizing the unhealthy side effects.

5) Take frequent breaks and make sure they’re bloody good ones

Yes, everybody needs a break. No excuses, even for yourself.

That’s how you recharge, relieve stress and actually feel… life. Yeah, feel life, literally.

Work hard all you like, but you aren’t meant to go at it non-stop. You need to relax.

But the break has to be an awesome one. It has to be meaningful.

Social media, random Facebook surfing or YouTube videos you don’t care for don’t count. They’re worthless. They’re the black holes that make you feel like you’re in space, one which adds no meaning whatsoever to your life.

6) Meet people

Because you’re human. And we all exist together. No excuses again. You’re bound to have to work with others one way or another.

7) Balance it out

See how for whatever I’ve said, it’s never going into extremes? That’s why you won’t find stupid ideas like, “You should go to every party” or “Delete your WoW account”.

Achieve total balance in the middle. Too much of something ain’t good for ya.

8) Live it up

Not sure if you should do it? Just do it anyway. Better to regret trying than not at all.

Back in high school I pushed myself to get out of the house more, ignoring my video games and allowing my studies to slip a little.

They didn’t feel that great at first, but I grew up.

That means to say, you’re growing too.

Pretty soon you’re gonna look back and realize that it wasn’t so bad after all, even the shitty, uncomfortable moments. They’re going to be all awesome memories.

9) Travel

That’s how you expose yourself to different cultures and its people.

Warning: Your mind will be blown here.

The period I met my girlfriend in Bangkok was when I was pretty much alone in a foreign land, and I was just blown away with the kindness I received.

The places I been to over there exposed me to a new way of life that got me thinking of how important the things I do actually are and how I, as a single person can actually match up to others and their own ideas.

10) Go full circle

Back to point 1.

It’s always what you and only you make of it.

But your own circle can always be expanded.

Never underestimate that.

Your life will always be blown from time to time.

Best live it up and know that you always did everything you could within your power to create a life you can be proud of.

That’s how you grab hold of life and get a life.

So grab it by the fucking balls before it’s too late.

Want a kick start? Get my book.

A letter to my 18 year-old self

Hey man,

This is you, from 10 years in the future.

How’s it going over there? How’s school? Lol how’s your stupid long hair which you refuse to trim cause you think long, floppy fringe is cool?

I actually kind of miss those days.

I know I may come across as “older, annoying dude” here, but really, you’re living in a very good time. You don’t know it yet, but you’re in a more carefree time. As much as studying and some social pressures may get to you, it’s nothing compared to what’s coming up.

In about 6 months time you’ll be entering the army. And it’s going to be a complete waste of time. It blows. But you gotta do it anyway. You’ll man up from it okay?

Anyway… there’s something I need to tell you and it’s going to shock you.

Pa will have to leave us in 2006, when you’re just about to reach 21.

Pa contracted ALS. And you won’t know a thing about it for a long time because Ma and Pa didn’t want to upset both you and Kor.

They may have tried to protect you, but it’s going to hurt like hell still. You’ll cry like a little bitch and start to wonder why life is like that, what’s up with life and why you’re always so angry. You’re going to start to find ways to be happy and keep doing what you love.

That’s when everything starts to change for you. 

You’re going to go to college and fuck up the first semester and then be placed on probation (lol pretty funny actually). But don’t worry, you’ll graduate.

But your degree will be useless. After a couple of jobs, you decided to chase a dream. 

Yes you’re going to start an awesome blog! And it’s going to be tough as shit. You’re going to feel beaten down and yet completely come alive. This blog is a business to you. It’s going to be hard learning everything on your own. That being said, don’t ever be afraid to seek help when you need to.

You’re also still a Bboy. And you love it.

When you’re 26 you’re going to meet the love of your life. And you’re going to want to marry her. For once… you’d understand that very, “I can’t explain it” feeling. Embrace that. She’s going to make you very happy.

Alden, your life ahead is going to be crazy. It ain’t normal, but that’s why you have so much pride in yourself. Normal ain’t so fun, as you’d learn soon. You tend to be angry… a lot of times, but that’s okay. You’re not sick, depressed or anything like that. 

Everything became like that because Pa had to go. It’s something you’re going to have trouble understanding and letting go of. But it pretty much will dictate your life and make you the man I am today. 

Which is why you’re going to be pretty inspiring in your blog and also a badass in life. Did I mention you’re going to fall out with a bunch of friends because you realize they’re retarded and totally not cool at all? 

You held back a lot due to misguided notions of being a nice guy. Well they weren’t really misguided, but you forgot about being nice to yourself first.

I’m starting to ramble.

Basically… just try to be happy. Stop being angry so much. You’re a pretty cool guy.

And try to spend more time with Pa.

Peace,

Alden

P.S. You’ll not be receiving this letter. That’s just how life goes. You’re going to be learning things the hard way and accepting the mysteries of life. Stay strong. 

What do you all think?

I can only say it helps. Go try it out. Penning your thoughts down always helps, whether you’re pissed, sad or whatever.

This exercise is also in my book Ready Your Life, where I explain it deeper.

Why beginner? Because there’s none out there like this.

This is real. This is not made up. This is written by me, a real person who has messed up and fucked up too many times to count.

I totally know how it feels to feel low in life; to feel beaten down and hopeless to the point that trying even seems like an uphill task.

The problem with everything about self-help

Too many guides out there are written by self-professed “gurus” who are basically full of shit or by people who I like to deem as too positive. Well meaning as they are, it ain’t real. They have the solutions, but they put it across as if it’s easier said than done.

And that’s never the case.

It lacks empathy. It lacks sympathy.

We’re dealing with self-esteem and self-confidence here, which consists of raw, human emotions, created from the saddest moments in your life, the happiest feelings or the angriest fire that eats you up inside.

I know how it feels.

Cliché advice that go unexplained: 

That’s how you end up with solutions like, “Get over it” and “Time heals all”, expecting the person in need of a dire solution or help to deal with it, just like that. That hurts even.

Dorky “training” practicals:

This is where the “guru” or self-help book tell you to do something like go do a random good deed today or say hi to a stranger. Sometimes, they go further by asking you to do something totally weird and out of character, like lying down in the middle of the road.

Are you sick of this shit?

I certainly was. When I read crap like this I’m like… What?

Not many people could help me and I had to find a way out on my own mostly.

But does self-help work? It does. I’ll explain later.

Right now, this is for you. This is novice. This is beginner level. This is realizing that you’re very flawed and capable. This knows you’re going through something in your life and you aren’t exactly sure what to do.

Whoever you are… I honestly don’t care. You probably made a ton of mistakes, like hurting someone or even your mom. You probably feel life’s not treating you right as people around you bully you and treat you like crap. You probably feel listless and passionless, as if life sucks energy out of you.

Something may have gone horribly wrong in your life before (Tell me about it. My dad died when I was 20) and you’re just uncertain about your future.

There’s always a way out. Life can be better and there’s possibility that you can stop feeling like shit soon.

So let’s cut the bullshit!

The BEGINNER’s guide to getting self-esteem and self-confidence.

The definition of self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem- a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

Self-confidence- realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.

We aren’t going to get complicated here.

The problem with these two important things in life is that people who suffer from the lack of it are just lost.

You KNOW you need it. You know you want more of it.

And it’s just that. “I want and need more self-esteem and self-confidence”.

It’s mostly cause somebody told them just that, and left it as that.

OR, conversely, the problem comes when things get too complicated as new ideas and terms get intertwined in it, like fear, social confidence, the leap of faith, jobs etc.

So let’s go deep, but not too deep:

Self-esteem: It simply means respecting yourself.

And as with all cases, you have to earn that respect.

Self-Confidence: It simply means being comfortable being yourself, your own way with whatever you are.

That’s all. Keep this simplicity in mind. No more kumbaya or weird terms. You’re only human so give your brain a break.

The enemies of self-esteem and self-confidence

Lack of life experience:

That means to say, you’re not getting out there. You lack knowledge on what potentially could be your life; your answers just because you’re not experiencing it.

People:

Bad people that is. They’re around you all the time and they’re dragging you down. It happens. Sometimes, it kind of isn’t your fault, but the overwhelming effects negative people have around you just weighs you down.

That doesn’t do you any good.

Negative thinking:

Call it negative energy, feelings or whatever. They’re all negative.

You:

Yes you. Only you.

That’s all. The big 4 you need to slay.

Ready?

Realistic guide to getting self-esteem and self-confidence. For the beginner.

You ready for this?

It’s realistic, but I’m going to go hard on you. It has no bullshit. It’s harsh even.

ARE YOU FUCKING READY to step your shit up and start feeling awesome about yourself again?

You’re going to see how everything ties up, for you.

1) Find passion

I’ve written extensively about passion so many times that I lost count.

Yes passion is cool. It’s awesome. All the cool people got it.

But yeah, I know it sounds overrated, especially when you hear of some successful guy who “works a few hours a day”, “earn lots of money online” and then “love his life everyday”.

So, look at passion this way:

If you really want self-esteem and self-confidence, you absolutely have to, without any doubt believe everything about yourself. You need to believe in yourself and have total trust that you what you are, what you think and feel are all real.

There’s simply too much crap and noise out there in the world today. Schools, institutions, the news, TV and others are always ready to tell you what is real; what to believe in.

Seeing is not even believing any more.

What you need to do is to have your own truth, and hold on to that.

What is your truth then? What is true to you so much so that no one else can take away and you can’t even LIE to yourself?

You simply believe in your own experience, which turn into memories which you never, ever forget.

You live, you create experience and it’s in your forever. No one else can take that away.

Now, how do you find this set of truth for yourself? How do you know you’re heading in the right direction in life?

You find passion.

How do you know passion is truth then? Cause passion makes you come alive and makes you feel good about yourself.

And if there’s something more true in life than feeling good and happy about yourself, I’d like to know.

Get passion, get true and never deny again. That’s going to clear a shitload of confusion within. That’s going to level your esteem and confidence.

Anyway here’s my guide on finding passion.

2) Please eliminate the bad people in your life

Yes, sometimes it isn’t your fault.

Sometimes, there’re just assholes around you and you have to deal with them.

That being said, it’s your job to make that environmental switch; to utilize this hack that changes your location.

Stay away from toxic people, as people like to teach. It’s true.

There’s really no point or rational reason to allow someone else other than you make you feel unhappy or anything less than positive (or even define your truth).

And yes, try as you might, the people around you will always affect you. It’s up to you to tip the scales so you can either feel great or feel like shit.

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”- Jim Rohn

Very true.

So instead of looking within, sometimes you gotta open up your eyes and look around. You’ve been sucked in and in turn feel trapped because of the things around you.

This is a simple trick in life. Just do it.

Besides, if bad people bring you down, good people lift you up. It’s automatic. Just feel for it.

3) Take action with experimentation

Taking action must be one of the most overrated line I keep hearing. It’s even getting annoying.

Let’s take it a step further.

You need to take action by EXPERIMENTING.

There’s really no point in taking action for the sake of taking action just because someone else told you to.

What’s the point of telling yourself, “I’m going to take action today!” but… you aren’t sure what? You aren’t sure of the result? You aren’t even sure of what you want?

So, experiment.

That means getting out of your comfort zone, feeling the fear, taking the leap of faith and what have you.

It’s all about the FEELING. Whether you do something awesome later on or fail miserably, it doesn’t matter. You felt it. That’s how you grow in big, major steps (nothing small).

This is WHY the aforementioned “dorky” training actually works. Talk to a stranger. Do a good deed. Do something weird. I don’t care. they work. Go try.

4) You’re going to have to get out there and start making shit happen on your own

Because you need experience.

Self-esteem and confidence don’t come from reading a book, reading blogs or listening to others’ and their stories.

It’s about getting things done and making shit happen for yourself.

You need experience so you can see for yourself how it’s really done and how it really feels like.

You need experience so you can prep yourself for the future. Whether it’s good things or bad things, anything that comes your way? You get ready like that.

That’s why I just wanted to say now…

Don’t even fucking take it from me!

I wrote this to help you.

But remember, this is the guide to getting self-esteem and self-confidence according to ME, Alden Tan. It’s just that I’m kind enough to make it a beginner’s one to help you even more.

Self-esteem and self-confidence don’t have to be that elusive in life, but it certainly takes some work and action.

You’re going to want, nay HAVE to create your own life and  forge the path of awesome according to [insert your beautiful name]!

But hey… take it easy eh?

First, I just wanna say, if you’re all the way here reading this guide, you’re already pretty frigging awesome.

That’s because you’re very self-aware of a problem you have and you want to do something about it.

You don’t see it, and you probably have no idea, but there’re TONS of unhappy people there who low self-esteem and they lack any kind of confidence to get shit done; to do what they love.

That’s when people work a job they hate for some loser boss and then they’re like, “I have to accept this cause it’s work. Everybody else thinks it’s normal”.

That’s when people are in abusive relationships with self-destructive partners and they’re like, “No, it’s okay. I’m in love”.

You don’t know it, but you’ve made a ton of progress already.

And I may have been harsh, but come on, LIFE ISN’T THAT BAD.

Don’t get too cooped up in your own world. Maybe you feel shitty, sad, down, out and hopeless, but if you were to just try… just try a little, you’d know that life can be great. You can be great, then life serves you.

You’ve already come this far. There’re no excuses to not go further. No excuses I tell ya.

You got one life, and you got to live it to the fullest and be happy, not let some lame ideas of esteem, confidence, fear, comfort, respect and WHATEVER get you down.

Don’t even let you get you down.

Just start somewhere. We all have to. So ease into it. Stop being so bloody harsh on yourself. 

Am I ready? I’m not sure I can do it?!

I know life can be pretty harsh. I know even you can be hard on yourself. I got my bad days too.

How about fear? How can I get over fear?

How can I take the leap of faith?

Is passion really that important?

I get these questions all day from readers who email me, which is how I created my book, Ready Your Life. It has no bullshit, no fluff and nothing new-agey. All realistic and practical advice for people who need help. That’s all.

I worked on this book for over 6 months, written from scratch and modifying it non-stop.

Ready Your Life is available here.

Other simple guides that can help

Zenhabits- 25 killer actions to boost your self-confidence

I’m a big fan of Leo Baubata and Zen Habits. He’s deep, but somehow he always gets through. These 25 actions are said with meaning, hence not dorky and cliché at all.

In Over Your Head – The complete guide to not giving a fuck

Julien Smith is currently my favourite writer in the scene. He’s totally real and has no bullshit. This guide… is very complete. It has a nifty guide inside called How to get back your self-respect in 5 easy steps

Think Traffic- Need some Motivation right now? Read this IMMEDIATELY!

This article woke me up. Really. No lie.

Watch this video.

No seriously. Just watch this video. Take a break from those compilation-motivational videos for a second and feel the energy from a single person who made it.

Alden Tan- Revive Your Life

Yep. Tooting my own horn and showcasing my shit to you.

What do you need help with?What do you wanna do?

Your turn.

How’s your own experience in dealing with life? With improving with whatever that’s inside?

Let me know in the comments. We all can help each other.

Remember- Take action with experimentation. Try all sorts of different shit out. Failure only comes when you stop trying.

Peace,

Alden.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out Ready Your Life is you want some real practical advice. Still struggling with self-esteem and self-confidence? Step it up!

And if you know someone you think can benefit from this, help me share it. Thanks.