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You know honestly, I always thought it was easy to gain respect from your friends and ooze charisma, that is, after my awkward high school days of being a sheltered boy who didn’t even know how to get to town.
It isn’t that hard. There’s only one trick to it. You don’t have to be a hero or anything like that.
I was just talking to a friend about this a couple of days ago. I present to you: The Nerd and Douchebag Theory
Check it out-
So unfortunately, a lot of us like to think in extremes, which stretches into believing and thinking in stereotypes.
We have your typical nerd, or geek.
He or she is extremely studious. They get good grades and do extremely well in school. Their hobbies mostly include video games, reading fantasy novels or watching anime. Their social life however, is crap. Maybe their faces look like Mars too, filled with zits and shit.
Then we have your typical douchebag, or socialite.
He or she is extremely outgoing. They party a lot and get drunk all the time. Their hobbies include going to the gym for the sole sake of vanity. Their grades however, are shit. Maybe their intelligence is that of a 5-year old, like they are unable to even detect sarcasm.
Sounds stereotypical enough?
Now, this theory, is extremely flawed. It’s bullshit, which really reflects the way a lot of us live and think through superficial justification.
When we look at the nerd, we justify for them, like, “Oh well. At least they’re studying. They’ll probably have a good future.”
I call bullshit on that.
A person who unwillingly chooses to stay at home all the time to play video games are too insecure to work on their social life. They don’t want to work on their shyness. They choose not to interact with people all the time and can’t even look at others in the eye. They think they don’t have to push themselves because they’re the “nice guys who finish last.” Their face is filled with pimples because their hygiene is pathetic. They don’t want to shower regularly.
And who’s to say their future is good? What if they grow up to hate their job? You can bet they’re also looking back and wonder if a life of video games and staying home is worth it.
When we look at the douchebag, we justify for them, like, “Oh well. YOLO you know? They’re just having fun. Nothing wrong with that. Kids will be kids.”
A person who only wants to have fun and not think about their future is being short-sighted and unmotivated. They’re also scared to work hard and not want to face the realities of life society brings. Their partying days also see them being complete assholes as they get into fights all the time.
And what makes you think they don’t have any regrets? Some people are dumb enough to get a tattoo while drunk. That’s regret permanently etched all over.
Now, obviously, I’m being facetious and extreme.
What then does this have to do with winning respect and charisma?
Easy. You combine these two extremes, aim for the middle of the spectrum and lead a healthy, balanced life.
This automatically fits you in a new kind of stereotype which everybody LOVES. Yep. It’s still a stereotype. But people are cool with it (goes to show how we really think huh?)
Here are some jarring examples:
The hot girl with fake tits who also happens to be a law or medical student. Kind of reminds me of Miss Universe or Miss Whatever who focuses on winners with a strong, educational background.
The popular, high school quarterback who happens to study really hard to get into college too. He’s also a nice guy. He isn’t a jock who bullies the nerds.
The stripper you see in movies, you know, the heart-of-gold kind who’s trying to make money to take care of her kids.
The police who knows when to break the rules to save the innocent and smack the shit out of the bad people.
Here are some less obvious examples you hardly get to see:
The hardcore partygoer who never gets drunk. Even if they do get intoxicated, they still watch themselves. They don’t act like dicks to customer service staff and don’t cause trouble. And even though they know they can get the girl, they don’t overstep boundaries and hit on other people’s girlfriends or boyfriends.
The busy entrepreneur who remembers your name even after a long time.
The really buff, spiky-haired dude with a fake tan who walks away from a fight (Who ever shares videos of guys walking away from fights today right?)
The nerdy-looking kid who impresses others by speaking really well and not coming across as a know-it-all.
The pretty girl who takes a shit ton of selfies on Instagram, but is actually leveraging on that to run her online fashion business.
Me? I’ve been told I look like a punk, asshole, douchebag or whatever my whole life. I happen to be valedictorian in my high school. I rarely tell others this since the topic never came about. When I do, it surprises the hell out of almost everybody.
My girlfriend is pretty enough to be a model, but she doesn’t want to go into that. She’s currently in the midst of opening her own eatery in Thailand. Proud of her.
That’s it! That’s how you gain respect and charisma the easy way. We’re all wired to think like that. Perhaps that’s a folly in us, but that’s another topic for another time.
Get in the middle. Lead a balanced life. You’ll blow others away as you defy their expectations.
Do what you love, but NEVER live up to your stereotype. There’s no reason why you can’t have it both ways. It’s how much you want it on either side. It’s entirely up to you and it starts with you.
But take heed: As I’ve been talking about stereotypes, people will find all kinds of reasons to judge you anyway.
Fuck’em though. You don’t need their respect. Judgement from others is a mere filter to who is really meant to be in your life.
The others who are wow-ed by you? They’ll stick around.
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