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December #dontgiveafuck challenge Day 3: Stop trying to please everybody

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Got a story for ya.

I remember back when I was 20 I met a couple of guys who were also Bboys (breakdancers).

And they were jerks. Well, jerks are even too kind to describe them. They were assholes.

They constantly put me down with their insults, saying I wasn’t a good dancer or that I led a very insecure life as I had very few friends. They’d always laugh at me. Heck, one of them even kept trying to challenge me to a battle, meaning a dance off, where we compared Bboying skills on the floor.

“Haha man, you’re so wack!”

“Alden is really stupid”

Yet, I didn’t do a thing about it. I just laughed off the insults. I even laughed along with them. I let it all slide because I felt it was the “right thing to do”… I mean… why fight back at the risk of causing more trouble right?

But of course, all of that just made me angry… with myself. I always kept asking myself like why didn’t I say something when I was unhappy, and also why I kept hanging out with these losers!

And then my dad died. I changed literally overnight.

I stopped being that angry.

Kind of ironic that I became less angry AFTER my dad died.

You see, I realized one thing: I didn’t have to please everybody.

I don’t. You don’t.

I think all of us try to be good people so much so that we follow society’s ideas of what is a “good person” and then we forget entirely about watching out for ourselves.

We’re afraid of what others think of us too, when make them unhappy. We don’t want to be judged right?

We also don’t want to feel guilt… because innately, we know we are good people.

Being good is awesome, but you also need to be happy. You can be both!

And that’s the secret.

For whatever reason you’re trying to please people, stop it. You can’t please everybody,

I wasted a lot of time with those loser friends of mine because I was afraid of confrontations and that also, on some level I “had” to be a good guy because that was what was expected out of me.

Nah. Forget that. Follow these instead.

Watch out for yourself. Care for yourself. What do you feel deep down about certain people? Do you not like them? Do they annoy you? Good. Follow those feelings. Stop trying to please them. It’s going to eat you up inside. It’s very okay to be selfish sometimes you know?

Stop hanging out with loser friends. Eliminate the toxic people in your life. Hang out with only positive people, your good friends. I personally walk away from group situations when there’s that one or two annoying guy who I don’t like.

Stand up for yourself and talk back. Is someone putting you down? Talk back. These guys are deeply insecure, that’s why they need to validate their shitty lives by putting others down. So talk back. Guess what? They’ll be too afraid to continue. I’ve talked back to those losers. I even shouted at one of them. He was DEATHLY afraid of me. He apologized profusely after that.

It’s crazy, how some people work.

Remember, stop trying to please everybody. You can’t. As good as you are as person, some people out there just want to find a problem with you. And that’s THEIR problem, not yours.

Just do what you love, be respectful of yourself first and others, and the right people in life will come to you.

Besides, you’re not some high school girl who’s aiming to be prom queen. Your life isn’t some campaign where you try to make everyone happy to gain their votes, or whatever.

And that’s today’s challenge for #dontgiveafuck. I really hope today’s post can help you step it up!

Assignment? How about you step that shit up and finally stand up against some asshole who’s been giving you trouble? It won’t be that bad. You’re a good person if you’re reading this. Stand up for yourself, but avoid violence. It’s that easy.

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6 comments

  1. Kevin Cole - December 11, 2013 9:18 pm

    Holy crap this was a hard lesson to learn for me. It took a good year to really drill into my head that I don’t have to please anyone. I can do what the fuck I want and the right people will come with me.

    This shit right here will change people’s live like nothing else. Can’t stress that enough.

    Liking this #dontgiveafuck challenge btw!

    Reply
    • alden - December 20, 2013 1:39 am

      I know right?

      Took me a while too. I don’t know I even bothered.

      Reply
  2. Ludvig Sunström - December 15, 2013 6:50 pm

    “Stand up for yourself and talk back.”

    –> This is saves so much grief and frustration. Being able to tell people to shut up – or better yet – being able to subcommunicate it without having to open your mouth, is golden.

    Reply
    • alden - December 20, 2013 1:38 am

      Yeah I think most of us have this notion that we should nice to everybody else except ourselves.

      Reply
  3. Sebastian - December 19, 2013 2:21 pm

    Growing up my dream was to find the way to not care about what others thought about it. But this has kind of lead me to stop hanging out with too many people.

    Everyone just seems so boring some times and the only reason why I would spend time with them is to be polite. That’s trying to please others so I just don’t do it. I just don’t care most of the time.

    I guess I still have to figure the balance out.

    Reply
    • alden - December 20, 2013 1:36 am

      Hanging out with them to be polite? That’s not how it should be.

      It should be about real connection and communication man. That’s how real relationships are formed. Otherwise, well, it’s just really not healthy. Boring too.

      Reply

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