How the death of my dad turned me into an asshole



And I’m rather proud of it.

What kind of asshole?

The kind who dares to stand up for himself, making his critics and haters question themselves.

The kind who says and does things that inadvertently challenge what the majority is thinking about, but will never take action on them.

The kind who goes all out to get what he wants in life and in doing so, making the masses uncomfortable because they cannot recognize, much less accept such behavior.

And the kind who doesn’t give a shit if you take offence at a little joke, as if your whining awards you certain, invisible rights.

Why I’m writing this article

For one thing, it’s to express myself and let you in on my journey as somebody who had to    deal with a large amount of anger and tragedy in the family.

As written in my About Me, I used to be a really angry dude, mostly during the period when my dad was around. I gave in way too many times to the wrong people. I walked away from fights. I avoided confrontations and greeted insults with a fake smile. And all the “right” things in life guaranteed me going home pissed off.

And on the day my dad died, I wondered why I was constantly so unhappy and why I let others take me for granted so much.

For another thing, I think way too many people are bringing unbridled positivity to the table when it comes to life-changing moments.

This is when people are preaching, “Cancer was the BEST thing that happened to me!” or “I’m so thankful I nearly died.”

Granted, different people have different ways of coping with hardship, but the positivity which they only focus on filtering reality, and that’s not good.

It’s confusing others. It’s hyping people up for no reason. It’s setting unrealistic expectations for people to follow.

No. Bad things suck. Tragedies suck. Know what it feels like to see your own dad’s lifeless on his bed? It wasn’t good. It fucking sucked. I never had cancer, but I bet it sucks. THIS has to be said because people are taking their own lives for granted as it is.

Life has ups, and it has downs. Accept that. Too much of either, and anything in life for that matter, is never good. Accept that.

And thus, I present to you, the darker side of reality of somebody who, in the words of somebody I don’t talk to anymore “has been dealt a shorter hand in life.”

Is it really that dark though? I personally don’t think so. It really depends on how you see it. The person who said the above was rushing to a conclusion of why I am “like that.” He had no clue.

Are these dark to you?

Achievements of an asshole

I’ve fallen out with more than a handful of friends, some of whom I’ve maintained friendships for over a decade. Some of them have even tried to reach out to me. I ignored all of them. No second chances were given.

I am that guy who will absolutely not show up at any gathering if I know that’s somebody there I dislike. And my friends must comply. I once replied, “Bye” to a friend I agreed to meet up with when he said that one of his destructive friends was coming. My friend promptly had to make new arrangements.

I’ll never talk to my ex-girlfriends again. Well I did to some, then I proceeded to wonder why the hell I wasted my time doing so.

I’ve declined to go for a shitload of weddings.

I’ve stood up for myself countless times and used extremely harsh words, especially when I got angry. I’m also not capable of saying sorry when I’m angry.

I’m pretty much a hard ass when it comes to work. If you’re going to learn anything from me, you’re going to get it hard because I believe it’s the hardest lessons that are only remembered.

I also drunkenly started a fight with somebody I used to be close to at a bar once. I knew I wouldn’t get violent (it’d honestly take a lot for me to become violent), but I just wanted to scare him.

Again, are these dark to you?

If you answered yes to any of them, I dare say you’re extremely repressed and you’ve stopped following your own rules.

Scroll up and read again on how I define what an asshole is. If you’re still confused, and actually got offended somehow, you’re missing the entire point. Don’t read anymore. I know you don’t like me already.

No, really. Just go.

Still here? Good.

Well then, maybe this is why you need to start being an asshole for your own good

Way too many people are unhappy because they’re constantly fulfilling obligations they don’t care for

I call these obligations birthdays, company dinners, weddings (I fucking hate weddings), showing up on time to wait for a late-comer etc.

Obligations can be tricky. You have to play them right. Unfortunately, most don’t. They fulfill them as if somebody is keeping track (to show face, as they call it here) when in reality, nobody is except themselves.

If you’re feeling tired out from these obligations, maybe it’s time you shake them off and start doing the things you actually want.

It doesn’t matter if others start complaining. The feeling of actually doing things you want (do you remember that feeling at all?) will drown out the noise.

Some friends today are shocked that I’m still a Bboy. They wonder where I find the time and energy to do so. Hint: I don’t waste time doing things I don’t want in the first place.

People-pleasing under the convenience of forgiveness

I’m just going to say it: Forgiveness is the convenient lie people tell themselves to think that they’ve moved on.

Forgiveness is really powerful, but I’ve seen so many people say that they’re forgiven this and that person when clearly, they’re still unhappy (Now who’s the hypocritical asshole?)

As a result, they’re fulfilling obligations and attending to people they don’t truly care for.

I don’t think there’s a point in trying to show that you’re okay, or a good person who’s even religious when deep down, those darker feelings are boiling.

Why do I not want to reconcile with old friendships? Because I don’t fucking want to! I’ve no care or respect for the people I’ve fallen out with.

Maybe then, it’s time you start being selfish; start being an asshole and care for yourself. Because the most important to actually forgive, is yourself. 

We constantly forget that.

How many of your own rules are you following today?

Rules, baby, rules.

The only rule is that there’re no rules, except the ones you make up.

And that’s all I’m going to say for now. To go on another tirade of living your own life to the fullest is cliche as it is.

But a question to ponder about though, is to ask yourself what is it you’re so afraid of, should you break some rules in life.

One of the qualities of an asshole is that he is totally self-centered.

I see no fear in most of them though.

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  1. KW Stout - December 3, 2014 9:02 pm

    It’s funny that the “asshole” is looked down upon, but secretly everyone wants to be an asshole at least part of the time. It’s one thing to do wrong by people or try to get over on someone, but it’s completely different if you are just looking out for yourself and it upsets someone else. I guess you could say I’ve been more of an asshole for the last several years because I started doing many of the things you mentioned (avoiding people I don’t like, not going to events I’m not interested in, tell people what’s really on my mind, etc) and I’ve never been happier. While some people have gotten their jimmies rustled, I’ve had even more people comment that they admire it or wish they could do it.

    I also liked the part you mentioned about when people try to turn a tragedy into a blessing. That’s fine, in fact that’s great. But when tragedy strikes I think it’s actually a good thing to acknowledge how terrible it is and just be miserable for a minute – really feel the pain and sorrow. That’s all part of the life experience, highs and lows. If we are on cloud nine 24/7 it wouldn’t be very special.

    Great post man, take care.

    • alden - December 9, 2014 5:47 am

      You got it man.

      There’s also a school of thought of how “positive psychology” has negative effects on yourself, physically and mentally. That is why the whole “look on the bright side” thing can be dangerous.


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