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The Cringe

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One of my favorite writers out there, Julien Smith wrote a book called The Flinch.

It’s about feeling the FLINCH within you, like that little weird feeling you get when you want to do something, but you hold back anyway.

So in The Flinch, Julien talks about doing it anyway.

Today, I’ll talk about The Cringe, in which you feel uncomfortable, scared and totally weirded out from¬†realizing who you really are.

The Cringe

This is my cringe: Watching myself dance on video.

It has always been something I feared.

Typical reasons, nay excuses were that of how I didn’t want to embarrass myself, I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable and finally, that I thought it was not necessary in improving my craft as a Bboy.

But of course, they were all excuses. And it’s a crock of bullshit.

Why The Cringe is important

I don’t want this to be another “get over your fears” post, so let’s look at it another way.

The Cringe is important because we need to start looking at ourselves from the eyes and perspectives of others so that you’d know for certain what you’re representing to the world.

In my case, it’s the simple act of just looking at myself on video. It’s important because a lot of times, what you think you look like during practice is completely different from what you actually are.

What happens when there’s a stark difference between what you think you are and what you actually are?

Again, in my case, it feels kind of shitty. It feels weird. It’s also demoralizing because you feel like you need to restart and put in the work, again.

And that is the goal: To refine yourself, over and over and over again so you eventually become the best version of yourself.

It will and should never end.

Way too many of us hide from the truth these days.

People are not maturing because they refuse to believe that they’re coming across as jerks or that they actually make mistakes. What annoys me most is when a friend passive aggressively talks about the situation they’re in, in which they’re clearly at fault and then expect me to validate them by giving them the answers they want to hear. And when they don’t, they get defensive and start getting pissed off.

We need to actively see what we’re coming across as to other people.

This may come across as a shocker to you, but sorry, no, you can’t always not care about what others think or say about you.

You should, but it’s an art form. You’ve to balance it out so that you can do what you want in life and survive in society at the same time.

Otherwise, you’d only come across as rude, self-centered, disrespectful and downright annoying. This is how some idiots out there think it’s okay to put their feet up on the table the first time they enter somebody’s house.

A personal gripe I have with people who don’t know what they’re coming across as are guys who think that they should always complain just because they’ve the right to. These are not men. They’re little boys who can’t deal with life.

How to effectively use The Cringe

Be brave, fuck it and just go with it

It’s SUPPOSED to feel scary. When you feel all the anxiety, nervousness and doubt, those are the correct signs. Don’t cower. Don’t hesitate. Just go.

It’s not going to be the end of the world

Look like shit on video? So what? You’ll instantly improve from there. Keep doing it more and more, and it feels less uncomfortable.

Feel like your world shattered because your friends think of you a different way? Unless you’ve been hanging out with a bunch of toxic people who want to abuse you to no end, listen.

You aren’t dead yet. If you know that life will still go on, then just go on yourself.

Nobody really gives a shit about you

It’s easy to think that people are judging you when you feel the cringe, but they aren’t really.

Everybody is judgmental, so that means they’re constantly moving on to find new things to judge.

You can wake up tomorrow and realize nothing has really changed. That’s how it is.

Keep that in mind and keep breaking out of your comfort zone then.

When you’re not feeling scared, you’re making excuses

And that means you’re playing it safe and that also means you’re wasting a lot of time.

The video above? That effectively took more than ten years for me to voluntarily put myself out there.

Ten, fucking years.

I cringe then, to know what I could have accomplished if I had just smarten up, grew some balls and went with it.

What of me today? Nothing. I’m still alive. Nobody is giving me a hard time. I probably judge myself the most, which means to say nobody else cares except me.

That’s how it should be. That is the art form.

Get started today because time’s a wasting.

And trust me, wait any longer and you’d be filled with regret not being the person you know deep down you should be.

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9 comments

  1. Solace - December 26, 2014 7:24 am

    Awesome!
    This post and the post about passion have changed me alot.
    Thank You Alden!

    Reply
    • alden - December 26, 2014 4:40 pm

      Np!

      Reply
  2. Musonda - January 8, 2015 5:25 am

    Great stuff to start my day with. . .

    Reply
    • alden - January 9, 2015 4:17 am

      Thanks brother

      Reply
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