Alden-tan.com

This is a call out to the self-help world and all its bullshit practitioners

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This is a call out. It’s not going to be pretty. It’s going to be controversial. And it’s going to piss a lot of people off.

I write all of this not out of anger. I write this out of observation, and in my style.

This is what I think about all of you “life coaches”, “gurus”, “lifestyle designers” and even mere entrepreneurs:

I think most of you are full of shit.

You, who claim that you’ve reached a point in life where you’re never pissed off, sad or upset. I think you’re filled with denial. There’s absolutely no way any human can’t feel any form of negative emotions.

Yes, there’re indeed people out there who claim they don’t get sad, angry or upset, mostly because they’ve started meditating, using the law of attraction or whatever. What they actually need, in my opinion, is a doctor.

You, who claim that “money is not everything”, yet your products are expensive as fuck.

Yes, there’re many entrepreneurs out there, having hit success and enjoying the high life, are always willingly teaching that money is not everything and you should never aim for it. Well duh. If I’m raking in five figures every month and sipping champagne on my yacht, I’d be more than comfortable to teach on the non-monetary aspects of entrepreneurship and how doing so would cosmically aligned me for… what else? More fucking money.

You, who willingly show off some screenshot of a testimonial from some satisfied customer and saying, “This is what keeps me going. I love inspiring people [smiley face]”. Go eat a dick. You’ve outsourced all your content. You don’t even do your own writing, speaking, drawing or whatever.

Yes, there’re bloggers out there who are only focused on creating their business infrastructure, so much so they don’t get down and dirty with real content; real art. To me, it’s outright hypocrisy that you dare to take credit when you aren’t the one creating the art.

You, who want to teach people how to make money fast because you’ve done the same, and then claim it’s easy. Well, please tell me, how much money did you actually use up in advertising? How much of that money is profit and NOT revenue? Please shove that PayPal screenshot up your ass.ย 

Yes, as above. There’re entrepreneurs who claim they don’t struggle in their business.

You, who claim that your coaching session, seminar, book or whatever can “change” people’s life “forever”. You must be a god, for you’re so fucking powerful you can solve everybody’s problems that easily.

Yes, there’re people out there who claim they can change your life and solve all your problems that easily and quickly. More often than not, they’re just going to teach you aspects of finding purpose and passion in life… at a price of course.

You, who claim to be super helpful and spreading positivity, when you’re all choked up with your NLP bullshit and tactics, ready to use them on weak-minded people, all under the guise of being helpful and spreading positivity.

Yes… I met this asshole online once. He wanted to help me. He basically took a look at my blog and criticised me to no end. Then he fed me shit like, “I don’t normally do this for anyone, but for you I will” and “You’re lucky now cause I’m on my break [SMILEY FACE]”. What an asshole.

You… oh whatever. Fuck it. I’m already rambling.

Hey I’m not mad… well maybe a little.

I’m just being honest. And that’s what we need more nowadays: Real, fucking, no-holds-barred honesty.

I recently read Choose Yourself by James Altucher, one of my favourite writers out there. And this quote stood out:

โ€œThe only people I know who claim they sleep three hours a day and still have a ton of energy are 100 percent bipolar. No joke.โ€

By the by, please get some fucking sleep. Don’t be reeled in by the idea of hustlers out there who claim to love working super hard and that sleep is a waste of time. Don’t sleep, and you WILL die a lot earlier.

The self-help world has been too intertwined with entrepreneurship that simple ideas of positivity and honesty have been tainted. It’s hard to tell what is real or truly helpful anymore. Money has made it hard. I mean… if you paid a few fucking thousand for some course or product to supposedly better yourself, I’m willing to bet you only want to think the course really did help you out because you don’t want to think you’ve wasted your money.

Today, there is now a fine line between real positivity, real, good people and what’s actually full of fucking nonsense. And it’s ironic because they’re all supposed to help you.

This is my letter of honesty to you:

I don’t consider myself part of the self-help world.

I’m only a writer who happens to want to write about some helpful stuff to inspire you. Why? Because I know what real pain is since my dad died. And I’m not going to go down the self-destructive path by taking it out on the world.

However… here’s the kicker: I don’t give a fuck what you do after you read my shit.

You can use it to inspire yourself and become better. That’s cool. But you can also not become better for all I care. And that is not my problem.

I personally believe that everybody has to make their own mistakes in their own journey of self-growth. I use the term “mistakes” loosely. The “mistakes” are probably timed perfectly for your perfect journey anyway, that is, if you’re indeed serious of making your life better.

What you read on my blog, heck, what you read everywhere are just GUIDES. They’re not going to change your life instantly or solve all your damn problems. You need to get out there make life happen for yourself. But yes, an extra edge or boost are always cool.

So read all you like, but take what you want, and reject everything else.

End letter.

Now, please be extremely wary.

Be wary of the fakes out there.

But be wary for the real ones out there.

There’re many amazing people out there who’re willing to help. A lot of them have helped me. A lot of them are also slightly intertwined with the ideas above, but they are not bad people. They gotta do what they gotta do. And I respect that, because I know their heart is in the right place.

Everyone else can fuck off.

Peace.

Do you want more honest-as-fuck stories like this?

25 comments

  1. Kathryn CaImpbell - April 3, 2014 10:23 am

    Standing applause! Encore! Encore!

    Thanks for James Altcher also.

    I really, really needed this because I am trapped in an environment in which seriousness is a very horrible disease. If I was guaranteed that I wouldn’t be sent to jail or the insane asylum, I’d go around saying “Fuck It!” non-stop all day just to get them insanely stirred up. (Sorry, ended my sentence with a preposition nasty English teacher. Hmmm, I’d better start using split infinitives more often.) Keep this shit coming, kind sir.

    Also, I’ve been forwarding all you emails to my daughter out in California. She’ll be passing it around out there for you.

    Success beyond your wildest dreams!

    Standing ovation to you for this one. Encore, encore, encore!

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 1:10 pm

      Yep. Read James’ blog and get his books. He’s vulnerable and hence awesome.

      Haha relax. You don’t have to say fuck it to everybody. Just block out the crap from crap people.

      And thanks for the forwarding! California HERE I COME then. lol.

      Reply
  2. Wan - April 3, 2014 11:32 am

    Well-said, Alden.

    The irony and hypocrisy of the self-help industry is corrupting the purpose of self-help itself.

    People should note that the ‘experts’ in the self-help industry are just guides. They lead you to a place but it’s up to you to move your feet.

    To change one own life requires guidance for sure but it also requires tons of time, effort, and luck. And even if we ‘changed’ our life, it doesn’t mean that life will be paradise.

    Our job is to move on.

    Happy. Sad. Success. Failure.

    Just move on until the smell of soil lingers around you.

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 1:10 pm

      Indeed.

      I’ve met people and gone to courses where they like, “Do this OR ELSE you’ll fail.” Or whatever.

      Nicely said. Our job indeed is to always move on. Our style.

      Reply
  3. prasad - April 3, 2014 11:34 am

    Well there is no need to be so extremely harsh on the coaches etc, one must understand that all seminars, training classes,books, give an insight and guidelines for facing and overcoming obstacles and on ways to make additional income online,shares etc. But the most important thing it to practice what is taught and take action. One must also use ones discretion as to what is the best approach suitable to ones personality and financial situation.
    Even such awareness comes after some trail and errors.

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 1:09 pm

      Not all of them practice what they teach.

      Reply
  4. Fiore Mejia - April 3, 2014 12:28 pm

    Well said! Yesssssss!!!

    Reply
  5. sue - April 3, 2014 12:42 pm

    Ooha rock on. I love your posts n books. Since reading them i just don’t worry anymore. Instead of always pleasing others i now walk away. Laugh a lot more now. And sleep wowee from 4 hours to 7 hours. Keep on socking it to us Aiden. X sue

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 1:08 pm

      Glad I could help. Rock on.

      Reply
  6. Pat Beatty - April 3, 2014 12:49 pm

    Thank you for the message. I am a 59 year old lady in Atlanta Georgia USA. I appreciate your honesty and the freshness of all your messages, e-mails and posts. I too have forwarded them to friends and family. Thanks again for keeping it real.

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 1:08 pm

      Honesty and freshness will never dry out here. Thanks for the forwarding!

      Reply
  7. Marc - April 3, 2014 2:14 pm

    I certainly found your post to be both interesting and entertaining at the same time. I am one of those who you claim are “caught in the trap”. I have spent a fortune on courses, cds, books, etc. I don’t however share your anger and frustration towards the peddlers of this material, because usually I walk away with at least one thing of value. I believe wisdom is acquired through corroboration. When I hear something I don’t immediately take it to be true, but if many people are saying it generally it turns out to be true. My point is each teacher or guide as you put it helps us collect the truth and we are responsible to use that truth to change our lives.

    Reply
  8. Roberto Bermejo Y Martin - April 3, 2014 2:19 pm

    I’m sure U mean good Alden, and I know U do … .
    I myself am more of a lazyass, i receive these fucking emails from selfhelppeople and always they know stuff other people supposedly dont, Butt I’m Belgian, I dont believe U, unless U can prove it, with U, it’s another story, U just say things how U feel them, just like me … .
    Smoke a J when U come to europe, and you’ll just wanna laugh at all those selfhelp-guru’s ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Then U just relax … and enjoy life … .
    My belief is that apes got infected by drugs, and humanity was the evolution … . Apes still live in community’s … . Everybody knows everybody, nowadays, U walk up to a nice lady in the street, and maybe she’s fucking scared of U, U know ? All the hypocrisy in this world has got 2 end … .
    Things have 2 change … .
    Maybe U’ll post my message … .
    I say U, because U is a form of politeness in Flemish … .

    Reply
    • alden - April 3, 2014 5:04 pm

      I think you shouldn’t be high when you comment on blogs.

      Reply
  9. Riley - April 3, 2014 11:22 pm

    Thanks Alden, You are too cool…. Keep the blogs coming because they are unique, they make me laugh, you say things just the way it is so bravo to you… I absolutely love your honesty and you are really mature beyond your years,you actually provide good advise. All my friends get copies and they have told me that they have also subscribed.

    Reply
  10. gerda - April 4, 2014 2:59 am

    Hey Alden, great post, very straight, i appreciate it. A little comment though: you should not critic somebody coz he`s high. You never write when you drank a beer? Cannabis is a soft-drug, alcohol a hard-drug, and in Belgium they`re all `legal` now. Being high is not so far from reality than being drunk. A lot of people smoke, from everywhere, ALL kinds of people (judges, lawyers, police, etc). Keep on your good work, Al, you rock!

    Reply
  11. anne - April 4, 2014 12:37 pm

    HAVE TO SAY THIS CHEERED ME UP NO END TODAY. AFTER SOMEHOW GETTING ON A MAILING LIST OF NLP PREDATORS, I HAD A MINOR CURIOUSITY ABOUT WHAT IT WAS ALL ABOUT. 3 WEEKS LATER I REALISED I HAD NEVER FELT SO FUCKING BAD ABOUT MYSELF. TOOK ME A WHILE BUT REALISED SUBLIMINALLY I WAS BEING TOLD I WAS A FAILURE WITH EVERY EMAIL LINK I OPENED. LUCKILY I GOT A GRIP WHEN I REALISED THAT THIS WAS SO FUCT UP, WHO THE FUCK WERE THESE PEOPLE TELLING ME THEY CAN MAKE ME PERFECT I AM A WONDERFULLY FLAWED HUMAN BEING AND I DO THE BEST I CAN. THINK THEY OVERPLAYED THEIR HAND WHEN THEY CLAIMED THEY COULD MAKE ME A ZEN MASTER IN 15 MINUTES…..REALLY?????????

    Reply
    • alden - April 5, 2014 5:25 am

      haha NLP predators I like that.

      Yeah be wary of what you read. A lot of bullshit tactics out there.

      Reply
  12. jamie flexman - April 5, 2014 9:59 am

    This is the funniest post I’ve read in a long time, mainly because it’s true. Also your way with words..

    Can you stop sitting on the fence and tell us what you really feel? :p

    I often see online courses and books that cost a bomb and I wonder why people are willing to shell out so much for a product from someone who they know nothing about. Some people can justify their prices, but these are few and far between. For 99% of internet bloggers and coaches, set an affordable price for everyone. If it’s a good product, it will make you a lot of money anyway.

    Elitism is one of my pet hates.

    Reply
    • alden - April 5, 2014 12:42 pm

      I guess marketing and doing biz has its ways. We gotta do what we gotta do. But when bloggers use this idea to loophole their ass out of everything to make money, that’s when all the bullshit comes up.

      The stupidest part is some of these dumb bloggers make it so obvious they think the can get away with it.

      The most disgusting part is some of them outright use it to take advantage of people who don’t know any better.

      Reply
  13. LS - January 18, 2015 10:10 am

    Hey Alden, you write some funny shit! You made me lose some sleep because I ended up reading your stuff! I think like you, and like you, lost my Dad, went through some serious post LTR break up depression — and guess what I went to see a doctor! The people I reached out to were — friends! I was thinking of writing a blog that caters to a very specific audience (scientists and PhDs who need help in setting up start ups and switching careers from science to business, I’m an overly educated bastard with a PhD from a legit school myself) and I didn’t want them to think of me as a “life coach” as when I see all these life coaches and self help gurus selling their stuff I wonder wth they got their degrees or training (and most Of them don’t have anything solid) so I googled “why life coaching is bullshit” and I bumped into your site. I love your comic way of writing – I’ll keep reading but is there a way I can email you? I want to ask you specifically who among these self help gurus specifically you think are BShitters – as I don’t want to be associated with phoniness and all that crap

    Reply
    • alden - January 22, 2015 3:07 pm

      Haha I know right? Life coaches. Ugh.

      Have you read my other life coaching article?

      Reply
    • alden - January 22, 2015 3:07 pm

      And good on ya for not selling out!

      Reply
  14. Matt - April 5, 2016 10:25 am

    Dude… this is awesome. Thanks for writing it. That took some balls. Some big ass balls.

    Reply

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