Be the fuck alone


I was talking to a friend the other day and she was lamenting how she can’t seem to attract the right guy. She told me how she was successful in her career, that she had her own car and was attractive to the eye.

Yet, she was only attracting a bunch of low-quality dudes who texted her creepy messages that didn’t make sense.

I guess the lamentation is normal. Even I was guilty of it. I’d wonder before, like why is it my past relationships were not successful and that I seemed to attract the dramatic type of girl, one who was always emotional and beyond reason why it came to solving problems like an adult.

And more often than not, we try to solve this problem the wrong way.

How so? We do it by trying to work in ways that seek to supposedly impress the people you want to attract.

This is when you start to work on the superficial factors of your life just to place yourself in front of them. You try to make money to look like you’re rich. You work hard at your job to show people you’ve some status. You buy a car to show that you’re successful, or whatever.

Or hell, maybe you intentionally show up at a bunch of random places that supposedly have hot singles congregating over there, like at yoga classes or something.

But, it still doesn’t work.

You feel like you’re trying too hard. You keep wondering and lamenting then. Eventually, you start to think that there’s something wrong with you.

No my friends. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just approaching it wrong.

This is what you need to do: Just be fuck the alone.

Yep. Just be alone. Don’t be with anyone. Don’t aim for relationships. Don’t aim to attract this or that person.

Now, this isn’t some hipster idea of exploring your introverted nature where you start to meditate, indulge in your art, explore your spirituality and then hope to become a better person.

It’s simply being alone.

And a lot of cool things can happen when you’re alone.

1) When you’re alone, you start giving a shit about yourself

When was the last time you gave a shit about yourself?

When was the last time you did something truly for yourself? When was the last time you sat down and said, “These things in front of me, are for me”?

A long time? That’s bad. Really bad.

Do something for yourself already. Start being selfish and give a shit about your life. Work on projects you left hanging. Start on your new idea. Try out that new thing that caught your eye.

2) When you’re alone, you start becoming more confident

Because you started giving shit about yourself. Plain and simple.

With the new shit you’ve been doing for yourself, you gain confidence. You get know you’ve a place in society because you’ve created an identity for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t become rich or famous from whatever it is you did. It’s about doing something on your own, for yourself, so much so you can say, “I did all of that by myself. That is all me baby.”

And with this new-found confidence…

3) When you’re alone, people will recognize your growth and evolution

In other words, you’ve become charismatic. Through that, you’ll earn the admiration and respect of the people around you.

To put in superficially, it’s like exercising and working out a fuck load more. From that, you get ripped. You look healthier. You look more confident in the way you walk as your muscles speak for itself. People will easily notice that.

But if we go deeper, people will recognize how happy you’ve become from the things you’ve been doing to explore and enhance your growth.

People will be attracted to that!

People want to be near that! Why? Because believe it or not, most of us are not happy. Most of us are lonely. 

And they’re going to want to be with someone who they feel can make them happy and grow as a person.

This is how you truly attract the right person in life.

So if you’re feeling lonely and frustrated today, wondering why you’re attracting a bunch of losers, it’s time to start being the fuck alone.

Don’t work too hard just so you can supposedly impress others. It rarely ever works that way. Even if it does, you’ll be spending a lot of time worrying and stressing yourself out wondering if they’ll leave you after that.

It’s a lot better to simply work on yourself, attract the right person automatically and be happy together knowing that you two have natural chemistry.

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  1. Linda Ritchie - November 23, 2015 3:22 pm

    I was so busy with working, kids, husbands, etc. I never found out what I wanted. I’ve lived alone for many years now and I often wonder – why it took me so long to be ME!?

  2. jake - November 23, 2015 7:04 pm

    And when you are alone and enjoy being alone you do not send signals of desperation which attract not only users but losers. And that’s when troubles get you knee deep in manure. I have had my share of losers, users and abusers. I enjoy my alone time and if no one worthy of me comes by, then it’s okay! I am a fabulous person and it’s their loss

    Users and losers smell desperation like cats go after catnip! And I was tired to be a people-pleaser!

    After my last break up, I enjoy my alone time. It’s pretty cool actually. I am fun to be with. F***those losers!

  3. Gail - November 23, 2015 10:51 pm

    Thanks Alden. I have been on my own and alone for many years. After my marriage broke up I was always taking in relatives and taking care of them. Neglecting myself in the process. I’ve had my share of users and losers recently as a matter of fact. I’ve always enjoyed my alone time and have become happier because of it. I had to realize that having someone under foot 24/7 was not the way to go. What I’ve always wanted was just a companion to spend a little time with but when I ended up online dating, what a joke and a mistake that was. Never seen so many losers and users. Don’t know what made me think I could find love in all the wrong places. Thought I found the love I was looking for several times but I had to end up walking away. Mores the pity and it’s totally their loss. I am a fun person and love to get a good belly laugh. My friends and family enjoy being around me. If I end up not being in a relationship, so be it. I’m learning to love me and live for myself. Thanks again. Sometimes I need a good kick in the tail to remember that it’s all about me for once. I have enough of me to go around to those who deserve me and that ain’t many. Keep up the good work Alden.

  4. Cynthia - May 18, 2017 1:03 pm

    My therapist has been telling me this for the last couple years! I’m finally able to “hear” it and these simple yet straight-forward words are easy to understand.


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