All about Approach Anxiety

This is a guest post by Brian from KingPin Lifestyle. If you guys are into dating, picking up girls and basically bettering yourself in terms of personal growth and awesomeness, head on there!

So are you having trouble approaching a hot girl in a bar? Want to understand how to ballsy up and start talking to random chicks? Read on.

The feeling that Approach Anxiety gives you. 

“Approach Anxiety” has been around for ever. The name that we give the feeling in our stomache when we see a girl we want to meet. The verbalization of the knots that tie themselves inside of us. Approach Anxiety. There have been many people who try to come up with tactics and ideas to overcome the anxiety that they feel.

I’m here to give you bad news.

That feeling never goes away. Every single time that you see someone that you want to meet your heart beats faster, your mind races with potential outcomes and your nerves get the best of you if you allow them to paralyze you. Approach Anxiety is here to stay. It’s our emotional system reacting to the new logic we’re installing into our brain. “I want to approach that girl!” Your logic tells you. “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever thought of!” Your emotions tell you.

I’ve been approaching and meeting people for 4 years now. It’s been a struggle. An up and down sort of feeling. I’m on top of my game some months and others I’m taking a step back to recover and re – evaluate. There has been one common pattern in the way that I interact with the strangers that I meet and the relationships that I develop. I always get approach anxiety. Not just approach anxiety but relationship anxiety.

Approach Anxiety is JUST THE START! 

What about when you’re spending time with a girl and you want to take it to the next level? What do you call that, escalation anxiety? The anxiety is always there boys. Every time you want to level up the relationship that anxiety always exists. How do you eliminate it? You can’t. You have to come up with the right logical circle to outsmart your emotions.

Your success rate depeneds on your ability to make conscious, present moment decisions. The difference between you and me is I’ve been rejected 1,000 times more than you. The anxiety will always be with you because it tells you that you’re putting yourself on the line. The person you approach has the opportunity to reject your approach which – in that moment – represents you. You’ve giving people a chance to reject you.

Approach Anxiety comes down to a fear of rejection. A fear of rejection comes down to the lack of belief that you have in yourself. A low – self esteem never wants alot of attention drawn his way. How do you get over approach anxiety then? You’ve gotta give yourself the chance to get rejected. You have to take the anxiety that runs through your nerves and choose to act despite the feeling that you have. You then channell the anxious energy that you feel into making your approach successful.

“How do you do that?” 

We are emotional creatures. We live in a world of feeling. For you to get what you want out of reality you have to make people feel good. You want to go out of your way to make them feel good. Your anxiety will exist deep within you but you have to make the conscious present moment to act despite it — with the intention of making someone else feel good. Walk through your reality with the intention to make people around you feel good. Everyone that you approach is an opportunity for you to make them feel good.

The fundamental difference that I’ve noticed in my approach now vs. 4 years ago is that I’m no longer looking for something. I used to approach people with the intention of getting something out of it. I’d want a number, a makeout, a date, anything to validate me. I’ve switched the avenue where I get my validation from. My validation comes from making other people feel good. My approach now is to make other people feel good. I can be nervous about that, for sure. The nerves never go away. The proper intention and the right mindsets cause the individual to embrace the anxiety.

The next time that you see that girl that you want to meet, label that feeling inside of your stomache. Yeah dude. You have APPROACH ANXIETY!!!!! Choose your actions in the present moment. Choose to act logically no matter what your emotional system is telling you with the intention of making the other person feel good.  The act of giving value is always recieved.

Interested in learning more about the study of Social Dynamics, or approach anxiety? Shoot me an email at

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  1. Cam - January 30, 2012 8:37 pm

    Thanks for featuring Brian’s post, Alden. Looking forward to following your blog and working together to inspire “the hell out of” more people! 😉

    • alden - January 31, 2012 7:17 am

      No prob! Always a pleasure to work with cool peeps 🙂


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