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5 secrets from being angry and getting over it

Welcome back to some regular writing. I’ve written that line a tone of times because I have had always been busy with other things.

So for the past couple of months, I was busy preparing Eliminate World Anger.

For the first time ever, I conducted audio interviews with a bunch of experts and influencers from across the web.

I’m pretty passionate about the topic since I’ve issues with it myself.

And yeah. I’ve learnt a shit ton from these guys (click the link to download their profile.) I really hope to share the secrets with you guys.

I know it’ll help with your anger, frustration, stress, anxiety and rage.

1) Anger IS good

Maybe this will come across as a surprise to y’all, or perhaps as a cliche.

You know how people like to say anger is a good in the sense that it propels you forward to create change? Yeah. It works like that.

It may sound cliche, but it’s true. Anger is a force for positive change. It should push you in a positive direction.

So to downplay the cliche-ness, look at it this way: Because anger is good, it means to say that you’re not crazy, you don’t have a disease, you’re not a monster and there’s nothing wrong with you.

You gotta start believing that.

But… anger cannot sustain you. It’s a good start as it gives you that energy, but after that, you’ve to live your life and harness other emotions.

Anger is not good when it makes you a hypocrite, makes you do stupid, impulsive shit or hurt others.

I dare say that the choice should not be yours to decide if anger is good or bad. It’s good. Just wake up already.

2) You need to get rid of your SHOULD rules 

This was taught to me by one of my interviewees who’s a PHD holder and a practicing cognitive behavioral therapist.

The reason why most of us get angry is because we believe life should work a certain way.

Two most common examples are how we believe people should behave a certain way and that we should think a certain way i.e. gotten over our anger like how our head says so.

But that’s crap. Our beliefs say one thing, but reality will always say otherwise.

Things will go wrong. Life is unfair. People will be really mean and our thoughts can be pretty uncontrollable. 

If you want to be less angry, you’ve to loosen the grip you have on life.

Stop thinking that you can control people. If they want to behave like assholes, so be it. Stop thinking that you can control your thoughts. You can’t. If a negative thought seeps into your mind, so be it.

Get rid of your SHOULD rules. It’ll feel a lot easier on you.

3) Anger management is bullshit

It is. Google it if you want. You’ll be surprised how many agree that it doesn’t work.

Managing or venting your anger only serves to sweep your problems under the rug. That’s repressing the emotion and bottling it up. It’ll come back eventually.

If you think something as deep as anger can be easily cured through meditation, punching the pillow or screaming like an idiot, well, doesn’t this sentence alone speak for itself?

That is why you need to find the root cause of your anger, for anger is a secondary emotion, NOT primary.

Now, this part is going to be terrifying as fuck.

If you want to find the root cause of your anger, you’ve to start asking yourself the right questions and be extremely honest with yourself.

Most of us resort to anger because we allow our ego to work itself rather then face the possibility that we may be wrong, weak or even deluded.

For example, I personally fucking hate it when friends who’re younger than me disrespect me by doubting my opinions. The thing is, they could be right. Instead of thinking that they could be right, I take the easier route and get pissed off. See how anger works that way?

Start exploring within and try to find the root cause. Work on yourself at that point only. That way, you won’t be so angry all the damn time over every little thing, or have a hard time trying to manage all the little things (which ironically is super tiring and that’s just going to piss you off even more.)

4) Anger can be a habit, an addiction even

This is where you’re going to have to do the work all the time. Let me break it down:

If you’re always angry, it could simply be because you’re always thinking about a bunch of angry, negative shit, be it being obsessed over revenge or having a bunch of SHOULD rules.

If you’re too used to that anger, such that you’re constantly using anger to react, then you may have created the habit of anger or worse, become addicted to it. This can happen subconsciously. You don’t even know it!

That is why you need to try to manage your thoughts. No, technically, that’s not anger management. That’s thought management.

Effectively, anger needs to be worked on consistently. You need to stop thinking of angry shit all the time. You need to stop letting the little things get to you.

This is why, despite finding the root cause, you can’t call it a day just yet. You aren’t cured after therapy or whatever. You need to put in the work.

Remember, you can’t control your thoughts 100%. You can however, control your perception and reaction. Do that. Aim to snap out of the habit and addiction.

5) Being angry is too easy. Being calm is not

It’s too easy. Getting angry, pissed off and frustrated are too damn easy. Breaking shit around the house, screaming at others and even hurting others are too easy. It’s kind of like how it’s too easy to be a loser.

What’s NOT easy it staying calm at the heat of moment. It’s not easy to walk away from a fight. It’s not easy to let it go. It’s not easy to manage your thoughts well.

It’s can really hard to be the master of your own emotions.

And that’s the entire point.

Anger is tough, but it’s nothing but a mere challenge. It’s an obstacle for you to get over so you can rise up and become way stronger than you used to be.

If you want the easy route, then don’t expect any results. That’s for pussies who continue to live angry, or sad life filled with mediocrity.

This is the biggest secret.

You can’t have it easy. You shouldn’t have it easy. You gotta take it head on.

It’s going to be tough. I guarantee you that. Yet, there’re many tools out there for you. So chill.

Hope these help today!

Click on the image below for a full look at Eliminate World Anger! Your one-stop source of inspiration and honest and real stories on anger. No stupid advice!

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1 comment

  1. Jay - February 25, 2015 5:09 am

    The Alden Tan Method of cutting though the shyte is both effective and entertaining! Well done, as always.

    Reply

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