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3 Wishes

It was Sally who attained the lamp. Nobody really knew how she got her hands on it. Legend has it that she simply stumbled upon it while out playing in the woods behind her house. It was so simple.

Nobody really knew what came out of the lamp when she rubbed it. Be it a genie, a demon, an entity from another plane or God himself, it was definitely not from this earthly realm. Whatever it was, it was said Sally stood bravely before it. She wasn’t even afraid I heard.

What we did know however, was that it granted Sally three wishes. And that as we knew it, was the start and end of mankind as a proper, functioning society of emotional beings.

Sally was a good girl. She really was. She had the best intentions for the people around her and the world. What more could you expect from a nine year-old? I guess nobody could really blame her. God damn, kids are so smart, yet so stupid nowadays.

I am sorry.

This is what I know from when it all started.

The first wish

Normally, most people, when asked if they found a lamp with the magical being inside and what they’d wish for, would say they’d want nothing more than the usual. You know, fame and fortune. The ones who think they’re being smart would say they’d wish for more wishes.

But Sally wasn’t most people. She was a good girl. She wanted to help not just others, but the entire world.

And so it is said her first wish went a little something like this: “I wish for all diseases in the world to be gone forever!” We bet she shouted it too.

Take heed though, this does not mean we gained immortality. It merely meant that no more physical ailments in any form would be around to hinder us people. Thank goodness for that little loophole huh?

At first, it was good. It was very good.

People in hospitals were instantly better. Those in comas woke up, some of which I heard lasted up to a decade previously. Those on the verge of death, even those, or so I heard who flat-lined for a while snapped out of it and gained life again. The blind started seeing again. The deaf started to hear. People sitting on wheelchairs stood up and walked.

And the biggest “miracle” as some were to put it, was that limbs started to grow back on their own. Arms, legs, private parts, eyeballs, spines, you name it. They all grew back on their own. Every cell would.

The headlines were pouring in one by one for the next few days.

“Scientists cracked the code! Cancer is gone forever!”

“Cure for HIV found!”

“Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis treatment created!

It is said the scientists from every part of the world, while in their lab have no idea what happened. Somehow the perfect formula came about and they just went with it.

The entire world celebrated. Fear in people went down by that much. It was good. It was very good.

But people being people, we started to take everything for granted. We thought we were immortal.

“Guts and Glory”  was the first show of its kind. If I’m not wrong, it’s running its seventh season now.

Contestants would line up and be tied up in the arena. Then, round by round, we see who could endure the most pain before passing out.

I didn’t watch that damn show much. I couldn’t stomach it. It was a show of pain, and only pain. Some rounds consisted of contestants being cut up, limb by limb by a chainsaw. Other rounds consisted of drinking the deadliest venom known to men. Some had the contestants being burnt alive. The last two standing would just duke it out like gladiators. The last one standing wins. The amount of blood and gore in the show, and there was a lot of it matched the cheers, applause from the audience, from the spectators’ stands or behind the screen.

It was vile and gruesome. But it was all good. Every contestant grew back their limbs and become whole again anyway. They’d smile and wave, smile and wave. Nobody was ugly.

These were our new celebrities. They’d go on talk shows, appear on magazines and even had their own biopics done for the big screens. Hollywood actors and singers were slowly phased out, being deemed “pussies” who didn’t dare to feel real pain.

The show was of course, a mere glorification of what people felt deep inside.

Crime, violent crime I mean, went up to an all-time high in almost every country. People just celebrated, taking their supposed immortality as a form of expressing themselves, letting loose and just having fun. People were beating each other on the streets. They’d shoot each other, knife each other, run each other down or whatever gross atrocities you can think of. This was our new creativity; our new art, so I guess it wasn’t considered crime at all then. I am sorry.

And nobody was convicted. Not many at least. Everybody was fine in the end! Heck, people were plain happy that way! If anybody felt anything negative about what was going on, they’d be told to “relax” and remember that life was good. And lie to themselves, they did.

Do you know what it’s like to see somebody smiling as he or she tried to kill somebody? It was scary. You know what was worse? The fact that every victim was also smiling. That was horrifying.

Doctors of course, did not exist anymore. My friend Nanjit, who was a world-renowned surgeon became homeless. How ironic, for he could not sleep in hospitals, which all but turned into abandoned buildings for the destitute as they were overcrowded. With no way to support himself, at first he was a target on the streets. Soon he joined in. I am not sure if he gave in to happiness or merely became insane.

That was the first wish. Sally was blind to all of this. She was too young to see any of it.

The second wish

It is not known how long Sally took to come up with the second wish. Some say it had to be very fast, given her childlike enthusiasm. Who knows for sure, really?

Anyway, this was said to be the second wish out of Sally’s mouth, “I wish everybody was rich!”

God damn that Sally. I don’t know whether I should laugh or not, because I know laughing would mean I’m being ridiculous myself. The one wish most people would go for if they had found the lamp, and Sally had to take it up a notch by giving it to everybody!

At first… it was good. Very good. Too good. For like a week maybe.

Everyone became rich. Poverty instantly vanished. Everyone had good ol’ liquid cash with them. Bank accounts were going up in numbers. There was no more 1%. Everybody was it. Hell, even I felt good for a while, but I didn’t really get a chance to enjoy myself. Like most people, if you’d ask them, we had that little tiny window of experience where for once, we thought we didn’t have to worry in life anymore. That did not last long.

Most of the world quit their jobs. Why would they work? They were rich.

Restaurants had no cooks, or waiters. A lot of us turned hungry. Yes, money went up, but food went down. Farmers from all over the world, especially from third world countries dropped their hoes and left. Apparently they wanted to travel the world, sip champagne, hold a fucking Prada and all that.

Supermarkets had no employees. You could get anything you wanted. Nobody cared. Yes, looting and raiding were the norm. Who’d have thought that after becoming rich, we resorted to looting and raiding.

Schools, well, I heard the teachers were the first to run out.  Oh yes, Sally’s wish included kids too. Kids! Kids as young as five became millionaires. Who knows what the hell they were spending on, if anything was open.

The police? Most left. Nobody cared about the law anyway since it was hard for anyone to really die.

The economy just collapsed altogether. Nobody was rich of course. We didn’t get to the point of where we could tell ourselves, “Oh money doesn’t buy happiness.” That’d have been really lucky, all things considered. Everyone was just comparing. Somehow some people had more than others. How so? I don’t know. It just was the way it was. Sally’s wish supposedly meant everyone became rich beyond their wildest dreams. Yet, people were jealous of each other.

Then it happened.

The world became a communist utopia. Money was useless. So we went back to bartering. It was gross. People all over were just whores.

Because we felt that feeling of richness once, people thought they were invincible. People didn’t want to have anything to do with work anymore. People didn’t want to be separated like last time. Add to that the effects of the first wish Sally had made, people just didn’t give a shit and would go out to get what they want, even if it meant death, or in most cases, extreme, recoverable pain.

Thus, when it came to bartering, it was all about sex and violence. Nothing more, nothing less. Believe me, it’s true.

People are such petty creatures. We have so much pain and fucked up desires that it always only boiled down to sex and violence.

You want food? Somebody has it. Ask them what they want for it. They don’t want some new, branded, whatever thing. It’s not around anymore. They’re either sad or angry. There is no more in between in the world we live in. The former only resulted in bed. The latter in some form of a beat down. So the more food you wanted, the longer you have to last.

You want sex? Ahh man. I am not even going to go there. The fact that kids are doing it? Don’t even get me started. As said, the longer you’d have to last.

The third wish

Nobody knows what was Sally’s last wish, but stories, research and a lot of soulless logic pointed back to this one thing we can only deduce is the most accurate answer, and that is “I wish for everybody to be happy forever.”

God damn Sally. You meant well. I know you did, but that was by far the worst and stupidest thing you could come up with. It was entirely wasted. “Forever.” Pfft. You just had to use that word.

In Sally’s little mind she probably meant that everyone should have the feeling of happiness. That’s all. A feeling. A fake smile.

We all instantly felt it. We turned happy. We felt that little piece of elation that told us that the bright side actually did exist.

That lasted like five seconds.

But here’s where the magic came in. Ugh. Stupid genie… or demon, or whatever. Doesn’t matter. Everyone knew they could be happy. They felt it once and knew it was with them forever.

Happiness became a drug, your Insta-Orgasm. Haha. I came up with that. Any god damn time you wanted it. You got it. You just have to turn it on within you. Instant orgasms as reminders. I am not kidding.

And, it’s the only thing that matters, right?

Right guys?

I mean, ever since we got this new automatic and organic drug, things… seemed meaningless. I guess? Isn’t it weird though, that with these instant orgasms, people are fighting, killing and having sex even more all over the world?

No, I am sorry. It’s good. It is always good. I am so sorry! I should not have questioned!

Yes. Let us smile. I am sorry again, for boring you with this tale. It seems to be popular. Yes, let’s smile.

Let us be thankful for Sally!

Let us be thankful for this decrepit land.

Let us be thankful for the people around us. We see each other all the time, and remember, nobody is sick!

Let us be thankful for the wishes!

Life has been better because of the wishes. Right? Right guys?

Let us smile. Let us smile.

I am so happy to be around you guys. I see you all smiling your perfect smiles. This has been the longest I lasted in talking and not using my orgasm.

I also know that this is just a mirror I am looking at, but it’s okay. It’s always okay.

I will tell this tale again tomorrow. I simply love doing so. It’s how I finally have some meaning. I love you Sally. I hope you feel the same way. It’s been a while since my own family loved me. Sorry! I am rambling now.

Let us smile. Let us smile.

I am off now.

Do you want more honest-as-fuck stories like this?

6 comments

  1. Calandra Ouerghi - August 15, 2016 11:13 pm

    Cute

    Reply
  2. Eddie Imperial - August 15, 2016 11:56 pm

    Hello from the ghetto. Sally wishes ain’t hit here yet!

    Reply
  3. Sekelani Kalembo - August 16, 2016 11:18 am

    I enjoyed the story, you always write best shit ever. Big Up boy Alden.

    Reply
  4. Amanda P~ski - August 17, 2016 2:24 am

    Interesting. You could really dissect this story in so many different directions.

    Reply
  5. Valerie J Runyan - August 18, 2016 12:08 pm

    I thought “Three Wishes” was interesting it did have some recognizable allegorical themes- wish something intangible for everyone alive and watch mayhem ensue- no matter how well intentioned or ill conceived the mind of a child is no place for well thought out reasonable solutions for what dwells deep inside the human heart.

    Reply
  6. Sally Garama - August 19, 2016 5:39 pm

    That was quite entertaining to read Alden. U cannot wait until your next story. You’re stories really motivate to work towards improving myself. Keep up the good work.

    Reply

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