18 other important things besides love that make or break a relationship


I belong to the “love is not enough” school of thought. It simply isn’t. Too much gets in the way. Life gets in the way.

Saying love is enough is naive. I know others would argue that it’s the love that conquers all or encompasses everything, but it’s pretty hard to think that way when life is starring at you in the face and making you feel like shit at the same time.

I don’t even think there’s such a thing as “soul mates” or that there’s one designated, perfect partner meant for you. On some level, the love you experience with somebody is nothing but a period of heightened emotions you two happen to maintain at the same time.

And that could happen with anyone. ¬†It’s just a matter of, well, a lot of things.

1) Timing

Timing pretty much encompasses every other aspect outside of love.

But I prefer to look at it this way: Who you love is nothing more than who you collided with at a certain place. And that means to say, it can happen with anyone else, depending on the choices you made along the way. You could be in love with somebody else altogether.

That is why there’s no such thing as “the one.” It’s pretty daunting to think that your entire life is played out for just one special person. It’s like saying you can’t get along with [seven billion plus people minus one.]

2) Distance

I know what it’s like to be in a long-distance relationship. But I’m lucky she’s nearby and I get to see her once a month as it is.

As much as how absence makes the heart grow fonder, distance makes the mind grow weaker as you start to get paranoid about every little thing. It’s a very real problem for couples everywhere.

You may be in love, but if he or she ain’t here with you or isn’t around too much, the inevitable question begs to be asked, “What’s the point?”

3) Money

Everybody needs money to survive. Money isn’t everything, but it’s still something.

Even if you don’t chase it, it’s easy to allow the effects of not having enough get in the way of your relationship. Or it’s easy to change because you have too much of it. And others may not like the change.

4) Plain luck

Or call it timing, serendipity, cosmic forces or whatever. Sometimes things just happen and they these things are small enough to make you question life itself.

Don’t be surprised or too shocked when one tiny factor affects your entire relationship or your chances of meeting somebody.

5) Religion

Because the beliefs in an entity, “guided” by humans at that, can truly circumvent love itself.

6) Sex

How good or how often either of you are in bed goes a long way.

7) Getting along

The romance is strong, but behavior and how you two react to it matter a lot too.

Basically, other emotions besides love get in the way. Love does not solve all your relationship problems.

8) Work

Work takes up time and counts towards money. Go figure. One of you may have a problem with the other’s line of work too.

9) Parents’ approval

Never underestimate this.

10) Courage

Because sadly, there’re people who love somebody, but lack the courage to follow their feelings. Instead, they choose to listen to what others have to say and allow them to dictate their own actions.

11) The will to make it work, no matter what

Some people just don’t give a fuck and call it quits the first sign of trouble. That’s weak and reflects major insecurities.

And when the other party stops giving a fuck themselves, there goes love out the window.

12) Loyalty

This is a faux pas, but there’re people who say shit like, “I love her, but I still want to have fun. As long as she doesn’t find out, the relationship will be alright.”

Of course, that’s bullshit.

Frankly, the relationship is void the minute somebody decides to cheat. It doesn’t matter if the other party is in the dark about it. There is no more love.

13) Government 

The rules of your country. Some accelerate marriage, hence love, so to speak. Some prevent love altogether.

They all contribute to social norms. They make you think and rethink love, and your life. That is why there’re convenient marriages around.

14) Age

Sort of is the same as timing right?

15) Friendship

This contributes largely to compatibility issues and how much you two can get along together.

I think who you love should be your best, if not good friend too. If you can’t even be friends first, where is the space for love?

16) Happiness

Sometimes you’ve to ask yourself if you’re happy at all in the first place. And you need to make the snap decision to answer that quickly.

If you’re thinking too much about it and have to attempt to reason it out with love, then you’re doing it wrong already.

17) Death

Perhaps this is morbid, but what is love if you don’t even exist anymore?

I ponder over this a lot since my dad died.

18) Kids I heard having a kid can bring a couple closer together. Or not.

But for sure, when a kid is around, both sides need to grow up. Hopefully, that means going in the right direction together.

Are there any other things that make or break a relationship?

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