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13 kinds of flowery bullshit people say to manipulate you

I’ve talked a little about this before, about how some other bloggers tried to make me feel better by giving me comments that seemed too good to be true.

In other words, I was intentionally hyped up and made to think that the other party was looking out for me. They were basically nonsense bordering on lies.

I think this is an important issue because there’re so many people out there who are considered “nice” when actually they’re manipulative assholes who think that they can get away with anything.

Talk is cheap yo. These people are NOT nice. Even criminals or other “bad” people are more honest and have better integrity.

Check it out. Beware the salesman and fake friends alike.

1) “You’re lucky now cause I’m on my break.”

A classic told to me by some asshole of a businessman. Isn’t it nice some people only help others during their break time and must absolutely let the whole damn world know about it?

A truly nice person does things for the sole satisfaction of helping others. They do not need to let others know how nice they are.

2) “I was just thinking the same thing!”

Holy shit. Professor X right here! It’s amazing how they were thinking the exact, same thing right after you said the exact, same thing.

Thread lightly on this. It can be true sometimes, but usually, it’s not. Follow your gut.

3) “I don’t usually do this for others, but for you I will.”

Sorry man. You aren’t that special. Whoever told you this is just trying to make you feel like they’re willing to go the extra mile for you.

They don’t. Keep in mind some people work by an extreme, “I scratched your back, now you’ve to scratch mine” mentality. You can bet they’ll be back for those favours, which are usually out of proportion.

4) “I see so much potential in you.”

Here’s some food for thought: Everybody can see potential in everybody.

Potential is the invisible gift you can give anybody. It’s free, easy and you don’t have to expect anything in return.

If somebody truly knows you for who you are, then sure, listen to them. If somebody knows jack shit about you and feeds you this line, it’s bullshit.

5) “You don’t work for me. You work with me!”

When your boss tells you this while he or she maintains his high level position with a high salary while you’re grinding away menial tasks that don’t promote any kind real growth in you and you can’t even reach out to them because they’re mostly too busy with their own work…

You get the picture.

Dream on if you’re thinking that you own stake in the company or that you’re actually making real business decisions.

6) “You’re guaranteed to make $X. It’s that easy! You just need to work hard.”

Bullshit 101: When somebody guarantees you a large sum of money, it’s false. Money doesn’t drop from the sky for you.

Bullshit 102: “You just need to work hard” is the caveat they’ll use on you when you don’t make the money you were expecting.

7) “I thought about you.”

Something I learnt from a female friend. People say this as it’s one of the safest answers to give. It’s neither here nor there.

It sounds sweet, but don’t be thinking they fantasized about you.

8) “Oh you can’t make it? Damn dude. I actually planned [super awesome shit]!”

How convenient that the super awesome shit came about when things already fell apart.

I remember a couple of girls telling me they wanted to meet me and stuff when they fully knew I wasn’t free at that specific time. And they were never free again for the rest of my life.

9) “I was afraid of that. I thought it was [exact same thing you just told him] myself.”

And right after that, they’d proceed to tell you what’s wrong with you and your life.

10) “I don’t usually give second chances, but for you I will.”

Whoa whoa! Thank you so much you benevolent god you!

Honestly, if someone really cares for you, they’d just shut the fuck up and take action to make the relationship better themselves.

11) “Blah blah blah [insert allusion to historical figure out of nowhere]”

When somebody constantly makes allusions to historical figures or other famous people, it’s usually to draw feelings of awe in you to make you vulnerable for their own purpose.

12) “Oh yes, I was just contemplating over [insert jargon from their line of work]”

It’s to make people think they’re so damn smart and professional.

No. They aren’t automatically successful that way. Anybody can look up shit and use jargon.

13) “Sure bro”, “Yes sir”, “No problem boss”, “Alright champ!”, “Rock on you certified person you!”

This is when they don’t ever bother addressing you by your name, but instead choose to always use a title.

Think about how, while amongst your friends and/or clients, the use of titles have made you feel elevated for no real reason whatsoever.

That’s all I have.

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9 comments

  1. Pingback: 11 signs you're hanging out with a fake friend - Alden-tan.com

  2. lynne - August 3, 2014 11:52 pm

    Hi,,,, really nice one ! I’m gonna share this with my colleagues. Thanks a lot, … this is great and so true !

    Reply
    • Renee - August 4, 2014 1:47 am

      Mr. Tan 16 signs of the Modern Coward Fantastically describes my cousin to a T. He tried to steal 2 of my vehicles. I had a bad feeling, good thing I caught them before they stole my van. Cops wouldn’t even let me file a report.

      Reply
  3. Findia Group - December 15, 2014 10:51 am

    Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • alden - December 16, 2014 2:25 am

      If this is your idea of a comment just to get a link back, you’re doing it entirely wrong.

      Reply
  4. Creative Essays - July 30, 2015 6:55 am

    this is awesome really awesome.. thanks…

    Reply
  5. Tony Kates - August 10, 2015 1:21 am

    Nicely written! I hope readers learn to be more careful with who they trust and to avoid being too swayed by words.

    Reply
  6. Rachel - November 25, 2015 1:36 am

    Hey Alden,

    Don’t people really misrepresent themselves. Once our bullshit radar is switched on we notice a lot of these behaviours. As I was reading it kept me in the arena of the sales pitch. Individual doing and saying whatever they can, to get the sale. No moral integrity. Poor them. That is why compliments should never be needed but enjoyed when genuine.

    Thanks for the post.

    Rachel.

    Reply
  7. Simon - September 15, 2016 11:59 am

    Something for the interpretation: interesting attitude.

    Of course, in nowadays society there are a lot of people with that attitude, but by far not everyone. Some of these topics might be interpreted in this way, as seen by you, but the person might mean it in a complete other sense. I do not like to put people under general suspicion or to overreact on such phrases. I hope, you are open to and receiving better experience some day. Most happens in your head!

    Reply

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